How can I help myself?

[Azir]

This could get long, so be prepared for a read of any length, because I'm thinking up the wording as I go, etc.

Valentine's day is fast approaching, as everybody here surely knows. All throughout my life, I've hated this day, for reasons I'm sure many of you can guess. (Would no girlfriend ring a bell for any of you?) It seems like I have rotten luck, or the day just kinda goes by and usually ends poorly.

And every year, I find myself wanting a relationship more and more. I've been "crushing" on girls since kindergarten (don't know if it actually qualifies at that age but that's when I started noticing that I cared about certain people more than others), but only this year, my junior year of high school, did I act on the desire and actually ask somebody out. Long story short, it made me miserable for almost three months, due to various factors, and disoriented me in terms of who/what I want, why I crush on the people I find interesting, who I should/shouldn't like, etc.

After coming back from pneumonia, which knocked me out of school for an entire week, I'm really feeling lost. The problem isn't sexual orientation; I've been 100% rock solid confident that I'm straight, I can prove it to myself numerous ways, etc. It's more of "What am I looking for in a person?" and "Should I even be looking right now?"

I know that you guys aren't me, and so there's only so much you can do to help. I understand that I'm the only one that can figure myself out, but I'm having trouble doing that.

So bottom line, I essentially have two questions.
1) What are some good ways to regain a sense of who I am?
and
2) Should I not even bother looking for a girlfriend at this point?

For those that read the whole thing, I thank you. If you have any questions or need something clarified, let me know, and I'll do my best to clear confusion you might have up.

If you need to PM me for whatever reason, go for it. I'll be in bed in about an hour and a half after posting this, so sorry if I don't immediately reply.

[Rican Roll]

Hello Azir.

We all grow into ourselves. As we move forward in our life we encounter new experiences that shape and mold us in different ways. You're in a very awkward position of your life. These years are the ones where you will learn the very core part of yourself and what makes you who you are. Sit down and take some time to think about what exactly your values are and what you consider to be important in your life.

As for relationships, I would say don't bother until you understand what it is you're looking for at the very least.

People look up to the sky and ask, "What is the meaning of all this?" I look into myself and ask, "What does this all mean to me?"

RR

[FastForward2012]

1) Write. I know some guys don't want to write. But I really think that getting your feelings out will help you realize who you are. Because you will able to go back to things in the past and read what happened,and stuff like that. You could see how you handled things, and other things you have noticed about yourself like "I pay attention to detail." or whatever. You could make charts like "My strengths" and "My weaknesses". And lists of what you want in a girl. Stuff like that. It may sound corny,but we're doing it alot in my school,and it really helps me.

2) Everyone deserves the right to a relationship. and another good way of realizing what you want in a relationship,and in a girl, is trial and error. We learn from our past relationships. Now i'm deffinitely not saying go out with 7 girls in one month. But get out there,and just play the field. haha.

Hope I could help. Good luck with your search

[freelancertex78]

I have to agree with Rican Roll. Sit down and ask yourself some tough questions. What do you value, what are your goals, what's important to you?

A person should never define oneself through the people that they date. An identity that leans on a person will topple like a game of Jenga in strong winds. My suggestion to you is to wait on the relationship for a while. Let you figure out who you are before you include someone else in the picture.