So... I fucked up. Advice?

[dejaentendu0]

So, my currently ex boyfriend has a tendency to get overprotective and jealous. And I met this guy who I enjoyed talking to. Upon asking how I met him, I lied. Yeah, I know. It was stupid to lie. Trust me, I regret it. But I didn't wanted to sit there and have him question me on every little detail and go off on how every guy is 'flirting with me'.
Well, he knows I lied. I'm not a good liar. And I apologized when it got brought up and explained WHY I felt the need to not tell the truth.
I've now spent the past four days crying and begging for this boy back. And he won't give me a second chance because of his ex that lied to him and cheated on him since 'the situation was the same' and he was hurt. He says he doesn't want to get the chance to be hurt again.
And I won't. I realize my mistake. I realize that what I did was wrong. And I realize I should have lost trust. And I realize I can't lose him. In my mind, the main reason for him not letting me back is his lack of trust in me.
But I've told him how I felt. And I told him that he's upsetting me because of the comparison to his ex. And I cannot think of a way to convince him I'm not going to do this again.
I need his trust back. Any advice on how to fix this? I'll do anything.

[PlayingPretend]

Hm, well my question is, would he be willing to work with you? Though yes, it was wrong of you to lie, he also needs to look at why you lied and should honestly be willing to work on that issue. In the end, his ex was his ex, and you aren't her. Though everyone he'll be with from here on out is every bit as capable of lying and cheating etc. etc., that doesn't mean they're going to and that doesn't give him any right to want them to stop hanging out with male friends entirely or for him to grill them about their male friends. I wouldn't tolerate a boyfriend who was so possessive and controlling of me that he asked questions that, at times, seemed downright unnecessary. Yes, this is an insecurity, but it's one that could very quickly get out of hand and become borderline, if not full on, abusive. So I honestly think that he should be willing to work on his issue of jealousy and insecurity if you expect the relationship to work out further. That said, I would give him some time to cool down before approaching him again. Back off and give him some space because right nwo, begging him back is only giving him more of a chance to say "no." It might be genuinely irritating him or he could simply be enjoying hurting you in the same way you hurt him (some people look at it like that). So your best bet would be to let him calm down, and then approach him in a week or so, unless he's contacted you to talk first, saying you'd like to talk. Then bring up your feelings and your idea of another chance then.

[DarkSeph]

Well, if you did tell him the truth and said you've met a guy who you really like talking to you, would things have been better? As you said, he most likely would have questioned you a lot and lectured you on guys "flirting with you". If you continued talking to this other guy as a friend, your bf might have even dropped you regardless.

It sounds just as much his fault, if not more. After all you didn't actually do anything wrong at all besides a small lie to save an unnecessary argument, that you apologized for afterward. He needs to exercise a little more trust for you and be a little less insecure. Otherwise he'll end up being controlling. What his ex did is nothing to do with you and he shouldn't treat you differently because of that.

Don't blame yourself or feel bad too much. Give him time. Hopefully when he see's you aren't cheating or going out with anyone he'll realize he made a mistake. But don't go out of your way just to please him, he needs to work on his own insecurities himself too. Really hope everything works out in the end, best of luck!

[ChelseaSmile]

These things take time. Yeah, I'll admit that the lying thing is pretty bad..
But I think you understand that, so theres no point in lingering there.
I suppose you should just give him some time... If he thinks its worth it, then he'll go to you and fix things.
If its what he wants, you'll eventually win his trust back.
-Bryri