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Relationships and Dating Ask here for advice on dates, break-ups and other relationship concerns.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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13 yr/ 17 yr old - August 2nd 2010, 04:09 AM

ok so there's this 17 year old who likes me and i like him the problem is im only 13 and i look and act like a 15 year old and he's a police officer in training so, i mean i like him but what should i do ?
   
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Re: 13 yr/ 17 yr old - August 2nd 2010, 04:21 AM

Personally, I would stay away from him if I were you. Even if you do look and act older than you are, you are still only 13. I find it suspicious that a 17 year old guy would be interested in someone so young and be willing to take the risk of getting in trouble, especially after he turns 18. I know, 4 years doesn't seem like a big difference really, but the teenage years are full of changes so those ages are quite different. I may be wrong, but I honestly don't see how a relationship between those ages could end well... especially if you're just starting to date and all that and if he's more experienced. I advise leaving it as "just friends" to be safe, but ultimately it's your decision. Please be careful


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Re: 13 yr/ 17 yr old - August 2nd 2010, 04:23 AM

You're thirteen, he's 17, will be eighteen in a year, and he's training to be a police officer. That won't look good for him. In a year it would be illegal for you guys to do anything, and even if you aren't interest in having a sexual relationship with him a seventeen or eighteen year old looks at a relationship differently, and he probably would be. Personally I would say don't be in a relationship with him, mostly because he's training to be a police officer and they don't want police officers who would date a thirteen year old. His career is probably more important than a relationship. Just my opinion, anyways.





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Re: 13 yr/ 17 yr old - August 2nd 2010, 04:39 AM

That's pretty scary that someone who is training to be a police office is interested in a relationship with a child. =/


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Re: 13 yr/ 17 yr old - August 2nd 2010, 07:56 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Spider*man(girl) View Post
That's pretty scary that someone who is training to be a police office is interested in a relationship with a child. =/
I second that.

I would avoid getting into a romantic relationship with him at all costs. It would be in HIS best interests, because being in a relationship with you could jeopardize his future career. It would be in YOUR best interests, because if he were to hurt you in any way, and you were to complain to the police... well, let's just say the case may not be investigated too thoroughly. I'm not saying all police officers are corrupt... but if he knew the right people, he could probably make your complaint go away. No one wants to believe that a police officer could commit statutory rape.



Last edited by PSY; August 2nd 2010 at 08:04 AM.
   
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Re: 13 yr/ 17 yr old - August 2nd 2010, 11:52 AM

He is far too old, and you are far too young. Him being a police officer makes it even worse. Like others said, stay away from him. Obviously it's up to you but I'd say don't do it.
   
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Re: 13 yr/ 17 yr old - August 2nd 2010, 12:08 PM

i think you're too young. (without being patronising) you're still a child and i don't think this relationship would end up particularly well. when i was 13 or 14 i dated a few older guys, actually basically everyone i was hanging around with was older and i got taken advantage of. i don't think many 13 year olds are mature enough for a serious relationship, let alone with someone who is that much older.

if you were 16 and he was 20 or you were 17 and he was 21 i would probably say do what you want.. but you're so young and i don't want you to be taken advantage of.


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Re: 13 yr/ 17 yr old - August 2nd 2010, 01:14 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Spider*man(girl) View Post
That's pretty scary that someone who is training to be a police office is interested in a relationship with a child. =/
I third that.
It's really not right in a way either. I think that he would take advantage of you as well like someone else said. I wouldn't date him because your 13 and hes 17. In your best interest, it's wise to be,"just friends" with this guy.
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Re: 13 yr/ 17 yr old - August 2nd 2010, 01:32 PM

And its worth bearing in mind that most 17yr olds would view dating a 13yr old as pretty creepy and desperate. Even if they got on with that 13yr old really well and they were mature for their age, etc, they just wouldn't go there. Why doesn't he feel this way too? It's not quite right.
   
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Re: 13 yr/ 17 yr old - August 2nd 2010, 02:31 PM

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Originally Posted by Hurricane View Post
You're thirteen, he's 17, will be eighteen in a year, and he's training to be a police officer. That won't look good for him. In a year it would be illegal for you guys to do anything, and even if you aren't interest in having a sexual relationship with him a seventeen or eighteen year old looks at a relationship differently, and he probably would be. Personally I would say don't be in a relationship with him, mostly because he's training to be a police officer and they don't want police officers who would date a thirteen year old. His career is probably more important than a relationship. Just my opinion, anyways.
I agree with this.

The thing is, age gaps in relationships can and do work. However, age gaps in a situation where one partner is of age and the other is not even close are always tricky. As you get older, distance in age between partners is more acceptable and easier to deal with. For example, my boyfriend is 23 and I'm almost 18. The age gap is no problem (except that it provides his family with loads of jokes xD) between us.

However, you're 13. Nothing wrong with being 13, don't get me wrong. But right now, you're about to start high school, yes? So the things on your mind are going to be school, grades, issues with your parents, friend drama, etc. (Obviously you have other things on your mind, too; just giving a general overview.) Basically, your life is going to be mostly about school and people your age. His life is going to be about college, his career, maybe moving out and getting his own place...

Do you see the issue? It's hard for relationships to work when both people are in radically different places in their lives. I've been there. It's hard to relate to each other; it's hard to take the other seriously sometimes. It gets complicated and tricky. In the next four or five years, you're going to be pretty much in the same place in your life--going to school, maybe working a part time job, all that. It's highly likely that he won't.

I would try to just be friends. There are so many things hanging in the balance here, so many tricky things. If the two of you are meant to be or something, you will have a chance when you're both older. For now, find someone who can hang out with your friends and go to school dances (or zealously boycott school dances, whatever :P) with you. Find someone you'll be able to see every day at school. It is honestly so much easier, and so, so much nicer, that way.



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Re: 13 yr/ 17 yr old - August 2nd 2010, 04:29 PM

It's different for everyone....But it is highly unlikely that you are ready for that kind of relationship. Looking back to when I was 13, compared to now when I am almost 17- I have already grown up and changed SO much. You think that you won't, I know because I thought that up until last year...But things really do change. You two are at very different points of your life, so it is probably best not to try for a relationship right now.
   
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Re: 13 yr/ 17 yr old - August 2nd 2010, 10:13 PM

Well, no offense, but most of the time people who claim to act older really act their age. I don't know you personally, but I have yet to meet someone I mistook to be older in behavioral terms. (Looks, yeah, those kill me. But usually I underestimate age instead of overestimate.)

The largest factor I would look at is that the seventeen-year-old should be on the stage of leaving high school while a thirteen-year-old would be a freshman to a sophomore typically.

If you are in the states, typically you can't become a police officer till you are 21 in most areas so it's not like he will have authority. Still, nothing sexual should happen in case someone reports it.

I would stay in contact and if you guys still hit it off when you're sixteen or age of consent, then go for it.

To be honest, he would probably get crap from his friends about it because we had a situation like that with an eighteen-year-old and a thirteen-year-old. We called him a pedophile and were pretty disgusted by it. Especially when he said he would sleep with her when he got the chance. It was extremely disgusting. Even his best friend was pissed off about it. He did lie about her age to us so that did not help when he was telling us she was fifteen and I googled her to find out she was a thirteen-year-old.
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Re: 13 yr/ 17 yr old - August 2nd 2010, 10:28 PM

Honestly, I do question this guy's motives a little bit =/
I'm going to second everything that everyone else had said, getting involved with someone so old is definitely not a good idea. I think that because you two are from drastically different walks of life that even if you did try and give it go, it wouldn't end up working out anyways. He's going to be finishing up high school, and you're going to be in about 7th or 8th grade correct? I really really don't mean to be cruel towards high school guys, but some of them do have a tendency to go for more naive girls who don't know what they're getting into or what they want yet. Also, you two will have very different wants and desires. I don't mean to be patronizing at all either, but to be perfectly honest, a lot of the high school guys that I know are after the physical pay off, and I truly think that you are bit too young to even be burdened with worrying about that kind of stuff. It doesn't really matter how old you act- the fact of the matter is that you're still 13 and he's 17. As harsh as it sounds, the maturity levels differ as do the desires of the relationship.


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Re: 13 yr/ 17 yr old - August 3rd 2010, 12:12 AM

I agree with the first poster. I'm only a year older than you and I've never actually dated anyone my own age but my experience with older guys is a lot of dominance and pressure. And they may act like great guys sometimes but the thing is that most older guys like younger girls because they think that they can control them and use them to their advantage. the moral of the story is that older guys are not a good idea... at all. even though they seem more mature and charming and tend to have nicer bodies you'll be their age in no time and then all the boys in your grade will look like that and act like that.
   
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Re: 13 yr/ 17 yr old - August 3rd 2010, 08:01 PM

Okay, assuming that you do act fifteen, even 15 to 17 is an age difference that should only be pursued if you both know eachother really well. but I was actually in the exact same age difference situation when I was thirteen, and I thought the same thing. He was saying things like "oh, you act so much older, at least my age" and I thought I did too. and luckily, I didnt get taken advantage of, but I found out that he was the type of person that would have and that that was the reason he was interested in me. but honestly, if you were seventeen, would you be interested in a 13 year old boy? I'm guessing no... so just rethink the situation a bit.
   
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Re: 13 yr/ 17 yr old - August 4th 2010, 03:53 AM

My brother is 13 and he went to a theatre camp this summer. He came home one day and my dad said that there is a 16 year old girl that likes him. The first thing that came out of my mouth was, there is something wrong with that girl. What 16 year old would go after a 13 year old boy, that looks a bit younger than 13. Of course she looks about 12 but that's not the point.

I find something weird in a 17 year old guy pursuing a 13 year old girl. I don't think it's a good idea and I think it would end badly for you.


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Re: 13 yr/ 17 yr old - August 4th 2010, 06:57 AM

I don't really think it's a good idea. I mean, something about the situation seems kind of.. suspicious? Possibly because he's training to become a police officer. I do believe age is just a number, though I don't think this is the right thing to do at 13, were you friends with him before hand? Or did you just meet him? If you just met him, I strongly suggest staying away.


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Re: 13 yr/ 17 yr old - August 4th 2010, 12:46 PM

I too am in training to become a police officer.

They will take him through 3 tests, a physical, a written and a lie detector test.

If you guys end up doing something sexual, he will not allowed to join.

They are pretty strict. I've stolen something from a shop (a lighter) within the past 3 years so I failed and they said retake it in a year.
   
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Re: 13 yr/ 17 yr old - August 4th 2010, 03:22 PM

Theres no diffrance between 13 and 15. -_- im 15. i look, act, dress the same as when i was 13. im just more mature. if your basing your decition of 2 years of maturity your pretending you have, its a bad decition. but a 4 year difrance isnt..terrible. as long as theres no sexual stuff going on, its fine. if there was tho, its highly illigal most everywere, he could go to prison for satutaury rape. so, as long as nothing sexual, its your call.


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Re: 13 yr/ 17 yr old - August 4th 2010, 03:26 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Spider*man(girl) View Post
That's pretty scary that someone who is training to be a police office is interested in a relationship with a child. =/
^Agreed. Its quite creepy..


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Re: 13 yr/ 17 yr old - August 7th 2010, 09:51 PM

ok look im going thru the same thing right now but im datin my guy and hes 18. look u need to tell him that u ar 13 and the way he reacts will tell u if u should go for it. make sure u really have faith in this relationship make sure u really think it could work. if it doesnt work u have to remember that you said yes ti hi to yourself when you wer considering dating him. get to kno him a little better before you make your choce. some of these guyd are true they arent looking for some young stupid girl to fuck around with but youd be surprised how many of them are. be careful with this and take it slow. if he breaks your heart in the end if there is an end dont blackmail him. trust me. dont use your age and his against him unless you REALLY need to. the one thing i can say is take your time. and keep pepper spray on you when your alone with him.
   
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Re: 13 yr/ 17 yr old - August 8th 2010, 07:03 AM

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Originally Posted by cecelia View Post
and keep pepper spray on you when your alone with him.
This is just my opinion, of course... but if she feels the need to keep pepper spray on hand when she's alone with him, I think that's a pretty clear sign that she shouldn't consider dating him, let alone hanging out with him.


   
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Re: 13 yr/ 17 yr old - August 8th 2010, 10:30 AM

I normally don't see age differences as a big thing but in this case I do. It doesn't matter if you look older and act older, you're still 13. The fact that he likes a girl who has barely hit puberty is wrong :|


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Re: 13 yr/ 17 yr old - August 8th 2010, 12:12 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Spider*man(girl) View Post
That's pretty scary that someone who is training to be a police office is interested in a relationship with a child. =/
I agree with this also.

I wouldn't do it. He is 17, which means he is almost an adult (if you consider 18 to be adult) and you're only 13 which I'd class as being a child/young teenager so it really doesn't look good especially if he is training to be a police officer.
   
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Re: 13 yr/ 17 yr old - August 8th 2010, 01:06 PM

I would stay away from this guy.

Does he know you're 13?

I'm 17 now, and I don't think you will realize how creepy this is until you are 17 and imagine being in a relationship with a 13 year old.


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Re: 13 yr/ 17 yr old - August 9th 2010, 07:21 PM

ok so person who said dat bout da peper spray u hav a point. but still i could trust da dude and carry pepper spray but only because i personally dont trust police officers. they giv me da willies. its lik with doctors they say ,"u can trust me. im a doctor." its the same way but police officers say," u can trust me i hav a badge." im srry but dat screams creepy to me. srry to any police officers on dis site.
   
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Re: 13 yr/ 17 yr old - August 13th 2010, 07:49 AM

stay awayyy. find someone your own age. if a guy that old is itneresting in u hes prolly just only after sex :/ sorry. not all guys are like this... but in most cases if a guy cant be interested in girls his own age something is wrong with him.
   
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Re: 13 yr/ 17 yr old - August 13th 2010, 11:56 AM

Different maturity levels. Don't go there



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