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Angry I want sex already. - August 14th 2010, 09:34 PM

I am extreamly frustrated with myself. My new boyfriend and I have just staarted dating. Its been about a week. We kiss lightly and hug. I often spend the night and sleep next to him. But nothing sexual has been brought up or attempted by him or I. And I talked to him about boundrys and what not last night. I let him know what I was and was not comfortable with. That I dont want any kind of sexual activity. He was very open and kind about respecting them. As I will respect his.

Anyways, I am an extreamly sexual person. I really like sex. And I really would like to, however I dont want to mess up this relationship so there is no way I will act on the extreem urge anytime soon. Another thing is after I have sex I usually have a powerfull feeling of shame. Why? I dont know. I am confused if these feelings are normal? I know that they are... but I dont really understand them. The extream urge, the shame, and the relationship with the boy I really like and dont want to ruin.
Also is it healthy to think about your significant other often? I obsessively analise things to see if there are lies or things I didnt catch and dont like. I am trying to break that habbit because even if I dont catch the behavior right away it will serface later and if it is something I dont like I can deal with it then.
Really I'm wondering about the amount I want to have sex. Why do I want to do it so quickly? Why do I want it so often? And why once I start having it with someone why do I end up not enjoying it or not finishing?


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"Setting boundaries is not a more sophisticated way of manipulation - although some people will say they are setting boundaries, when in fact they are attempting to manipulate. The difference between setting a boundary in a healthy way and manipulating is: when we set a boundary we let go of the outcome."

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Last edited by StrigidaeofChrono; August 14th 2010 at 10:42 PM.
   
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Re: I want sex already. - August 15th 2010, 02:38 AM

When I started seeing my current boyfriend I was just out of a sexual relationship ~ which had quickly followed a previous long term and sexual relationship, so I'd basically been having sex for a year and a half. And as you may have been told, apparently the more sex you're having,the more you want I wasn't about to rush into anything with him though, because I though if we took things slowly there was no chance of regretting anything. For the first couple of months this was really difficult...I just wanted to jump him then and there....but I didn't. And gradually it got easier and I got used to it.
I know what you mean about the guilty feeling. Is there a chance that maybe you've felt guilty after having sex before, because you may have done it without feeling completely ready for it?? I'm pretty sure that's what it was for me ~ and I didn't get it with my current boyfriend, we waited three months into the relationship to have sex.
I think it's great that you don't want to ruin anything by doing stuff to early with this guy (: and it's great that he respects that you want to go slowly. Trust me, it gets easier as time goes by and you'll really feel able to trust him as well. Sometimes taking it slowly is almost as good as sex (just, um..in a different way )

I nkow what you mean as well about overthinking little things. I wish i could give you better advice voer this but I do it too, and it's annoying. I'm pretty sure it's an average thing when you really like someone ~ as long as you don't get obsessive about it, or begin to convince yourself you can't trust him. Just try to stay rational about it ~ maybe he overthinks everything you say to him as well

I really hope this post helped a little, I'm sorry if it didn't make much sense :/


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Re: I want sex already. - August 15th 2010, 03:00 AM

Your relationship with him is more important than sex. If you're looking for an honest, meaningful relationship with someone, you shouldn't have sex with them a week into your relationship, that's way too fast. Just remind yourself you want a relationship, not some random fling that ends in a couple of weeks. You can have sex because you're in the mood, or you can have sex because you're really in love with someone. I have to say the second sounds a little bit better to me. If you wait, it will be all the more meaningful.





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Re: I want sex already. - August 15th 2010, 06:18 AM

Thank you both it has helped a lot. I'm glad to know my reaction is normal. ^__^


http://strigidaeofchrono.deviantart.com/
"Setting boundaries is not a more sophisticated way of manipulation - although some people will say they are setting boundaries, when in fact they are attempting to manipulate. The difference between setting a boundary in a healthy way and manipulating is: when we set a boundary we let go of the outcome."

You shut your mouth
How can you say
I go about things the wrong way
I am Human and I need to be loved
Just like everybody else does

Colonel Meow
   
  (#5 (permalink)) Old
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Re: I want sex already. - August 16th 2010, 08:45 PM

My hope is that in telling him your boundaries, you told him the truth about how you actually do like sex a lot, but you wanted to hold off so as to not screw the relationship up, instead of just making it out to be that you didn't want any sexual activity. Honest communication is extremely important in relationships.

Everything you feel is completely normal, but it's important to have sex in your own time. Everyone has a time at which they feel comfortable with it, and if you feel it might ruin the relationship than it is important not to do it right now. It is also normal to think about the person you care about a lot.


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