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Relationships and Dating Ask here for advice on dates, break-ups and other relationship concerns.

View Poll Results: Are you still friends with/friendly toward/positive about your exes? (Check all that apply.)
I am friends with at least one ex. 11 35.48%
I am friendly toward at least one ex. 10 32.26%
I am positive about at least one ex, even though he/she and I are no longer in contact. 6 19.35%
I am friends with/friendly toward/positive about all of my exes. 4 12.90%
I am NOT friends with/friendly toward/positive about any of my exes. 11 35.48%
I have never gone through a break-up. 4 12.90%
Other. (Post specifics.) 2 6.45%
Multiple Choice Poll. Voters: 31. You may not vote on this poll

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Lorelei Offline
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Being positive toward exes? - September 7th 2010, 07:13 AM

My boyfriend very recently became my ex-boyfriend, and I am sitting here wondering how many of you are still friends or just friendly with your exes. If you're not in contact with them, do you have positive feelings about them, or do you mostly have negative feelings? I'm just wondering how you guys deal with break-ups and their aftermath.

Said ex-boyfriend and I talked and decided we would try to stay friends. Even if we can't be friends, I don't think badly of the impact he's had on my life. He really is a good guy, but we would not have worked as a long-term couple.

What are your stories?

"How dare I? Because it is the truth." -Jane Eyre

"You do what you love, and f#%* the rest." -Little Miss Sunshine

Last edited by Lorelei; September 7th 2010 at 07:21 AM.
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Being positive toward exes? - September 7th 2010, 07:33 AM

sometimes two people can break up and remain friends, it just depends on the people,
personally, i'm never "friends" with my exes. if i see them, i'll be cordial, but i have no desire to hang out with them or chat in any way
if they text me or call me or something, i answer, but i'm not like a... "friendly" person to them. lol i just act like i would to a stranger.
i wouldn't say i have negative OR positive feelings toward them. yeah i will think about the good times, and occasionally the bad ones, but toward the actual people, i don't feel anything.
like they never existed. i don't do it on purpose, and especially not to be spiteful, it just happens.

i encourage you to try to be friends with him though, because it sucks to lose people in your life. and if it doesn't work out, at least ya tried
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Being positive toward exes? - September 7th 2010, 07:37 AM

LOL i was waiting for this poll. Mine def has to be "I'm not friends or even on a good note at ALL with any of my exs, and me and their new boyfriends literally want to kill each other". So much for happy endings xD
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Being positive toward exes? - September 7th 2010, 07:48 AM

I find it hard to be friends with exes. I'm not friends with any of mine. I can be civil towards them if I have to but I don't go out of my way to be nice to them.

  (#5 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Being positive toward exes? - September 7th 2010, 07:50 AM

I broke up with my last boyfriend and we didn't talk for 6 months because I could not even look at him( I was mad at him) but after a while I guess I just calmed down and realize he is not as evil as I thought he was and we are in good terms right now, we are friends and still talk on a daily base, mostly because he is one of the people that knows me the best and I can trust him with anything and vice versa. I’m not saying it’s always like this but I guess I was lucky enough to have a good ex if that makes sense.

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  (#6 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Being positive toward exes? - September 7th 2010, 07:51 AM

I tend to get on badly with ex's, or simply lose complete contact with them. It might just be my taste in guys.

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Just take my hand and stay close beside me,
I'll hold you steady and catch you when you falter.

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  (#7 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Being positive toward exes? - September 7th 2010, 08:19 AM

I only have one ex and I'm not friendly with him, but I tried.

Then again, he got into drugs and became abusive near the end of our relationship, so it was probably for the best

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  (#8 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Being positive toward exes? - September 7th 2010, 08:53 AM

I only have one ex, and he was abusive in more ways than one. Needless to say, we haven't spoken in quite some time. I'm not friendly toward him, and I don't have positive feelings toward him, because I don't think he's going to change his misogynistic behavior or get his "act" together career-wise anytime soon.

  (#9 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Being positive toward exes? - September 7th 2010, 12:46 PM

I'm on good terms with all but one of my exes (exs? ex's?). My most recent ex and I say we are friends but we don't meet up and chat like friends do; though we do send each other birthday cards and the occasional text. With my other exes, although we are no longer in regular contact, if we see each other in the street then we will stop and chat for a while. Its funny cos all my previous relationships have been pretty bad, (usually ending with disaster), but I think the type of person someone is as a friend is very different from how they are in a relationship - particularly when its with someone who they just don't gel with. My boyfriend always says that if we weren't in a relationship then we would be best friends, but I think he would be the one ex I could never be friends with.
  (#10 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Being positive toward exes? - September 7th 2010, 02:59 PM

I'm reasonably friendly with my ex

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  (#11 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Being positive toward exes? - September 7th 2010, 03:40 PM

i have tried to be friends with both my exes. and it was all good and well for the first little while. but my first ex cheated on me with two different girls. and the pain just got to be too much to pretend that he hadnt hurt me like he did. my other ex and i are still friends. maybe a little more than friends. we went through a dry spell, but now were good again. i think it really depends on the ex and the reason of the breakup
  (#12 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Being positive toward exes? - September 7th 2010, 04:15 PM

I like to try and be friends with exes, I've never had a terrible girlfriend, and they've been a part of my life so I don't see the point of not being friends with them? I mean, I can understand why people may find it hard to try and convert back to just friends, but I don't see the point in not trying or just giving up. For one, the more friends you have the better, and friends make life more enriching =/
  (#13 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Being positive toward exes? - September 7th 2010, 04:20 PM

I'm mostly indifferent to them, so I picked other. They're my exes, they're not a part of my life anymore, I've moved on.
  (#14 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Being positive toward exes? - September 7th 2010, 04:49 PM

My last (long-term) ex and I ahve a lot of mutual friends, because we went to school together and were vaguely in the same group of friends before we got together. We don't see each toher very often, but when we do, generally at parties, it's fine and we're very friendly ~ although to be honest he really gets on my nerves after a while.
Most of my other exes I'm still friendly with, if not quite best buds or anything. There's one who I would catch up on the phone with every so often and who I used to go to about player advice

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  (#15 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Being positive toward exes? - September 7th 2010, 06:12 PM

I am still very good friends with most of my exes actually. I'm very very lucky because they were all great guys and I would not want to lose them.

When you can't find your way home,
and when life gets too hard to face on your own.
I will stand as a light through the darkness unknown,
I will walk with you, so you're never alone.
  (#16 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Being positive toward exes? - September 7th 2010, 06:20 PM

All my ex's won't talk to me! What DO i do to them!! lol. But we all finished on bad terms one way or another. I care about all of them but I we just don't talk anymore.

My feeling on ex's is to not remain friends, because someone WILL get hurt from it. I stayed friends with two of my ex's for a while after we broke up, and because of that they always thought they had another chance with me, and when I met someone else they both were heartbroken. Similarly I saw one of my ex's get with another girl and I spent months crying, and it was only when i decided to cut all ties with him when I finally got better.

And if two people are fine being friends with their ex's, how does it make current partners feel? Again, I've experienced both sides of this too. My last boyfriend never liked me talking to my ex because he saw how upset he got me after we just broke up. And my current boyfriend's ex is all over him ,even though she's got another guy now, and it killed me inside to watch her try and mess with his feelings whilst I sit back and be the "good girlfriend" by not complaining about it.

I really think ex's shouldn't be friends ... i know it works for some people, but not for most.

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  (#17 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Being positive toward exes? - September 7th 2010, 06:34 PM

I am NOT friends with/friendly toward/positive about any of my exes.
  (#18 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Being positive toward exes? - September 7th 2010, 06:49 PM

I've actually had an about-face on this subject compared with the last poll we had asking about being friends with exes. Whereas back then I said that it was very unlikely that we would remain friends and that we would gradually drift apart, over the last few months we both seem to have made more of an effort to keep in contact and are now on better terms than we were. We did have something of a heart-to-heart about things which did help but I think it's also down to the fact that the anger has subsided and now I can see my ex for who they were first and foremost - my friend. Just goes to show nothing is set in stone with these things. I think it is one of those things where it does go through different stages though, and not everyone is able to get to that stage simply because the people involved may be so different or the relationship may have ended on too bad a note for anything to be salvaged. It really is a case-by-case thing.

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If you're referring to dr2005's response, it's not complex, however, he has a way with words .
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  (#19 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Being positive toward exes? - September 7th 2010, 06:56 PM

I'm still friends with most of them.

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  (#20 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Being positive toward exes? - September 7th 2010, 07:09 PM

I'm great friends with my first ex, although that 'relationship' lasted the whole of six days and went absolutely no-where. I'm sort of friends with my second ex, but for about ten months after we broke up, it was painful just to so much as see a picture of her, which is hardly conductive to friendship. I'm bitchy as hell to my third ex, but in a friendly way =) and I'm hoping I can stay friends with my soon-to-be-ex, because he's a really great guy.

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  (#21 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Being positive toward exes? - September 7th 2010, 08:03 PM

I try to be friendly to all of them. One of them I am actually still pretty friendly with, he was my first proper boyfriend and we sort of just drifted apart. We were friends before and we were a big part of each others lives and shared a lot of "firsts". I don't think I could just cut him out of my life all together and hate him.
  (#22 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Being positive toward exes? - September 7th 2010, 08:33 PM

Yeah.... No. Haven't spoken to my ex in 3 years, there was a reason for that.
  (#23 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Being positive toward exes? - September 7th 2010, 08:38 PM

I'm friends with a couple of my exes. I don't have any contact with most of my exes for certain reason or I just didn't feel like speaking to them anymore

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  (#24 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Being positive toward exes? - September 7th 2010, 09:41 PM

Only about three ex's im on solid terms with. And we don't have a problem with each other. The rest is a huge.....don't talk to me, don't look at me, don't make contact with me because I don't like you.
So it depends. =P

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Re: Being positive toward exes? - September 7th 2010, 10:26 PM

I have yet to go through any type of break up but I think it depends on the relationship in question. If it was a healthy break I notice people can still be friendly. However, if the relationship or the break up was unhealthy there is less chance of friendship...

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Re: Being positive toward exes? - September 8th 2010, 01:04 AM

I'm on good terms with two exes, although one is currently involved with a close friend, so it isn't really an option not to be on good terms with him.. my other two exes I rarely speak to / am not comfortable speaking to for various reasons.

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