We were perfect and now we're having problems

[xxpaigiexx]

My fiance is the most amazing guy you could ever meet. He couldn't do enough for me, he takes care of me, treats me like a princess, all of the things a girl could ever hope for in a relationship. For the past couple of weeks we have been arguing practically everyday with the exception of a day or two. Our arguments are pointless too, and mainly caused by him. Seriously in this relationship I am the man and he's the woman. He gets upset very easily. He has just recently told me he has depression and that does make me understand some of the reasons behind his mood swings. I know we are meant to be together and he is the person I am supposed to spend the rest of my life with, I have no doubts about that.
My main question is how do I deal with his depression and be supportive of him. He says I am the only thing in his life that makes him happy and he's pretty much depressed with the rest of his life. My fiance has been on anti-depressants for around a month now and it has severely changed his moods. I want to know how best to cope with them, especially when he's blaming me for the issues we have, when 90% of them are caused by him. We have said that the arguments need to stop. I know we've reached breaking point, and I know if things carry on for much longer then we won't be together because these arguments get to both of us.
Alot of the time the arguments are caused by him but the reason they esculate is because I don't just give him the space to calm down and that usually makes the arguments worse.
I love this man so much and I couldn't bare to lose him, especially over arguments as silly as the one's we're having, so all of your advice would be most appreciated because I am at a complete loss here.
Thank you.
Paige

[BanksyRat]

I'm sorry to have to burst your bubble, but there is no such thing as a perfect relationship, as yours, you thought, was. No relationship is, but your fiance who started out good to you is subsequently showing clear signs of wanting his own way, quite unreasonable behaviour and treating you selfishly second-best.

You did well to work through your relationship up to wanting to marry him, but clearly his behaviour is appalling, but don't blame yourself for getting to this point because if you had been hastier and married him, then by now you'd have been devastated. I realise he is suffering depression, but it seems as if he is using it as a tool to get his own way, and making you feel dreadfully guilty in not appeasing him.

I suggest you first talk to a parent or to someone close to you, like a trusted friend. You don't say whether you are living with him, but if you are then you need to take time off on your own to think more clearly without him in your hair.

"Marry in haste, repent in leisure". Unless things between you both are not resolved, then break up and I know that will sting. But better stung than leading a life where emotional blackmail seems to be the main course.

You'll survive a life without him, hun. There are better guys around I am sure. But you need to take time out for yourself, and find yourself again as a young woman in your own right, free to think and free to be yourself again.


PM me if you like. I'm only a whisper away.

[Obsidian]

Anti-depressants can be pretty meddlesome with a persons mood. Its quite likely it will take a couple months before his mood swings settle down, most don't even work for the first month.

The person above me is not wrong, depression often causes peoples heads to rescind up their backsides and they do often need reminding that their feelings are not paramount above others. Sympathy but never a doormat if you can manage it. Its difficult when you love someone to take the risk of giving them a reality check when you fear you may lose them because of it. However you can't let the relationship go on simply out of fear of losing something that continously makes you miserable without repent.

We all go through periods of time where we are unreasonable and selfish, we rely on our love and ability to put our pride away to say 'whoa whoa whoa, okay im being an idiot here, this person is important and I need to acknowledge that and find some compromise.' If he can't do that then you deserve better. You can't drag people through life, no matter how hard you want to.

Be honest, tell him you love him and you're willing to support him when lifes tough but you are not his emotional punching bag, you're his partner.

[taylalatbh.]

Hey there,

Your relationship seems pretty normal. You're never going to come across a relationship where there's no arguments and everything is picture perfect. Being with someone who has depression can be very stressful, but all you can do for him is let him know that you're there to care and support him. Also, always communicate well during the relationship too, that should help you to work through any problems that you have.

I hope things work out, take care.

[xxpaigiexx]

Hey,
Thanks for your responces people. As much as you may think he's using his depression as an excuse for his behaviour, etc. he has only told me recently and it hasn't been mentioned since.
I know some of his behaviour does need to change. I am not nieve enough to think everything in a relationship is perfect. Our relationship obviously has it's good and bad points, just recently since he has been taking these anti-depressants we have been arguing more frequently.
Getting these things sorted are a priority but right now helping my fiance.
He fainted this morning when he got to work, he has been told he needs to seriously change his life style, eat more, eat healthier foods and stop drinking so right now my priority is to help him to change his habits.
I just want him to be happy.
Thank you all.
Paige
xxx

[strength_to_surrive_si]

just be there for him that's whaT I do for my fiancee qand he does for me support is a powerful thing