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Relationships and Dating Ask here for advice on dates, break-ups and other relationship concerns.

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Is this silly for someone my age? - January 5th 2011, 04:02 PM

Hi there, I've been attending University since September and I'm loving it! I've always forced myself to focus on work rather than stressing to get into a relationship which is what I've always wanted.

I've ended up crushing on this one girl who I've met at the beginning of the school year, we had very similar interests, etc. I was sitting with someone that I already knew at the cafeteria, then a couple of her friends came over, then the girl I am crushing on sat next to me and it was one of those things where it was love at first sight(for me anyway), but as I was enjoying her company some more friends came by and it became overwhelming for me as I was the only one who didn't know everybody and her friends were whoring for her attention. I politely excused myself to get out of that situation that was unbearable for me.

A few weeks later I noticed she attended the same philosophy class as mine, and from that moment on until the end of the year I was just looking at her every now and then, while trying to sum up the courage to talk to her, yet I couldn't even though most of the time she was sitting by herself.

Just now I walked outside from the cafeteria and I was running towards my locker room and I ran into her. We both said hi with big smiles, and I pretty much just started running away. I don't have problems talking to girls, I just have a problem initiating contact with those that I have a real crush on. I hate it, and I feel very silly.

I would've sworn she'd be looking at me from time to time as well, but I don't want to be full of myself. We were just great the first time we met! But being the new one in a large group, especially when they don't all introduce themselves, when they have their own inside jokes, or when they practically talk over me, it gives me a huge headache.

Sorry for the wall of text.. any of you think this is silly?
   
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Re: Is this silly for someone my age? - January 5th 2011, 05:52 PM

I don't think you're silly for feeling this way at all! =) It's hard to initiate a conversation with someone you like when they're alone... with friends around, it's even harder! It's just as difficult for a 12-year-old as it is for a 22-year-old. Fortunately, you do seem to have some opportunities to speak to her in private, so if you still want try and pursue something with her, it's definitely not too late.


   
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Re: Is this silly for someone my age? - January 5th 2011, 07:19 PM

Yeah, it's silly, but it's understandable. The fear of rejection is innate, and breaking into a social group isn't easy. But here's an idea: you've said you have no problem talking to girls normally, so go and hit on a few others. Put your crush on the back burner for a while and play the field. First, this will help you talk to your crush. She'll look less special and less intimidating if you've got some fallback options. Second, a reputation as a ladykiller never hurt anyone. Success with girls breeds success with girls: being herd animals, they tend to make judgements based on what their peers like. An otherwise average guy can become very interesting to girls if he has other girls hanging off him. And having a few rumours floating around about your extracurricular activities will keep her friends' attention on you when you're talking with them.



   
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Re: Is this silly for someone my age? - January 6th 2011, 12:01 PM

Yes, it's definitely not too late. I'm not in a rush to get the girl, I'm being pretty chill about it.

As for being a lady-killer, I was thinking the exact same thing, but I'm just rarely flirtatious with someone I don't like. I just have normal conversations. However, I do know that she's aware I have many female acquaintances. Last term she'd often pass through hallways and it'd be me being surrounded by women and having a great time conversing, they're all engaged or dating, but she doesn't have to know that!

I don't know, I just need to grow a pair and go up to her when she's alone, or when she's with friends I'm used with. After the initial 'hi!' I'll be fine.

Thanks for the advice though.
   
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