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Relationships and Dating Ask here for advice on dates, break-ups and other relationship concerns.

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How to help someone who feels lost? - January 28th 2011, 04:18 PM

My boyfriend and I are now long distance, and he has been saying for a while that he feels lost and hopeless, or sad and can't cheer himself up. It was like this once or twice when we were physically together and I thought it was me, but he's struggling with himself. He usually drops the subject. Then a few weeks will go by where he feels like himself again and he's cheery and laughing...
but it's hit him again, and I'm not physically there... he's looking for answers and I don't know what to say, other than that I'm here for him.

Please help!


Let me be the one that shines with you, in the morning, when you don't know what to do. And we can slide away...
   
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Re: How to help someone who feels lost? - January 28th 2011, 09:35 PM

Why are you guys apart? If this relationship is constantly long distance and there's no personal communication then there is no way this relationship can work out.
   
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Re: How to help someone who feels lost? - January 29th 2011, 01:39 AM

Hey! I'm in a long distance relationship, 200miles part us. We're together almost every break we get. We talk on IM, almost every second of our relationship.

Love is missing someone whenever you're apart, but somehow feeling warm inside because you're close in heart.

Just try and make him think positive, things can and will only get better.


Don't judge others, if you can't judge yourself.

I don't want to live To waste another day Underneath the shadow of mistakes I made Cause I feel like I'm breaking inside I don't want to fall and say I lost it all Cause baby there's a part of me to hit the wall Leaving pieces of me behind And I feel like I'm breaking inside
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Re: How to help someone who feels lost? - January 29th 2011, 03:52 AM

Honestly, I disagree with JenJen. I was in a relationship for a year and a half, and though it ended, I really do believe it was a successful year and a half (there were a number of reasons for it ending, not simply the distance, though that was one of them). We had no long-term plans, and we had no plans for eventually moving to be with one another, but we loved each other, paid visits to each other, and made the most of it.

However, I do agree that there (hopefully) needs to be some form of a visit at some point or another. How much distance is there between you? A city? A state? Several states? A country? And how long will it be before you're able to be a part of one each other's lives, physically speaking, again?

That being said, honestly, all you can really do is promise you're there for him, and if he clams up and doesn't want to speak about it, then reassure him that you're there if he changes his mind, but then drop it. If he struggles with feelings of self-worth or begins to feel lost in certain situations, then I would recommend to him that he write a list of all the things about himself that are worth it, and if it's more than he feels hopeless and lost in general, have him write a list about all the things he appreciates. If he's struggling to come up with the inspiration, suggest he go out for a walk and force himself to choose five things he saw that he could appreciate, be it a smile from a stranger or a flower growing in the middle of a city block, for example. And so on. These sorts of exercises can help someone re-frame their mind and just generally help get them on the track of positive thinking. Other than that, all you can really be is there for him and wait it out with him. Sometimes being there is enough and means quite a bit to someone.
   
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Re: How to help someone who feels lost? - January 29th 2011, 07:46 PM

Perhaps he could just be struggling with depression? I know when I was fighting depression (sometimes I'm still fighting with those demons) I sometimes feel like I'm lost or losing myself then I push it aside for a while and I am fine again. Sometimes all you need is to know some one cares maybe he needs a little inspiration to battle those monster maybe try and find out whats bothering him if he WANTS to talk about it and from there try and help him...if you have further questions or need someone to talk to feel free to PM me. and don't worry I'm most certain it's not you, it may feel that way but it's probably not sometimes when we see ones we love "suffering" (i'll use that term losely as i dont know to which extent he feels lost) we tend to blame ourselves for not being better for them. We need to accept it's not always our fault and move on with the next step to help our loved ones. Hope this helps.

Other than that the suggestion above is a good. One that is exactly what I did and it changed how I look at life and myself completely.


The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows.
It is a very mean and nasty place and it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it.
You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't how hard you hit; it's about how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forward.
How much you can take, and keep moving forward.
PM me if you need to talk about ANYTHING.
   
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