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Relationships and Dating Ask here for advice on dates, break-ups and other relationship concerns.

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Shannon Offline
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Just a little horny, is it cheating? - February 28th 2009, 03:41 AM

Right, so I've done a fair amount of bitching about this guy that I like quite a bit. We met up about like two weeks ago, talked for a while, had an adorable hour of sleeping on eachother, he said he liked me, I said I liked him, I asked if he wanted to go out, he said yes and I gave him my number, yada yada, but he hasn't called me in those two weeks. I was (and kind of am still) worried that he wasnt interested anymore, though he displayed a large amount of interest when I saw him. Then, a mutual friend of ours' asked me the other day if we were still together, which means that he must have told her we were together because I never said anything to anyone about it.

In the MEANTIME, while he is not calling me or seeming to be attempting to contact me, I still like to mack and I still like to fool around. Human instinct, of course. So, uh...me and my ex gf are still really, extremly close, she's like my best friend, and she also likes to mack and fool around. So, I've made out with her a few times in those two weeks, it's all in good fun. The thing is, I just don't know whether to be feeling guilty or not when I don't know what it is that I've got established with this guy. Should I not mess around with her anymore until I know what's going on, or just say fuck it since he's the one not talking to me? (I mean, I would like very much so to have a relationship with him in the future, I like him a LOT, but for the time being, I just don't know what's going on with us exactly)
   
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Re: Just a little horny, is it cheating? - February 28th 2009, 03:53 AM

Well, no one has the right to tell you how you "should" or "should not" feel about your actions, but it seems like you were clear with this boy that you two were going out. Now, everyone has a different opinion about what constitutes cheating; some have a black and white distinction, and some have a lot of gray areas. But if what you did was make an exclusive promise to the boy and then go and have physical relations with another person, then a "little horny" or not that constitutes "cheating". It is not fair to blame your choices on human nature, either, you have the power to control that. The mature thing to do would be to take responsibility for your decision.

However, were there no other options you could have chosen? There was no way you could have talked to him to find out the deal? It sounds like you liked this guy at least a little, otherwise you wouldn't be questioning your choice to fool around with your ex girlfriend. Regardless, your choice is in the past. Take responsibility for it, and decide what you want to do in the future. You could write him off, but it sounds like he is somehow still interested in you. If you are still interested in him, ask him what went on the last couple of weeks. Did he lose your number, was he really busy, etc.? let him know it bothered you, and (if you feel comfortable telling him and/or feel it necessary to have a clear conscience) tell him you hooked up with someone else. Or you could write him off, but in that case still have the decency to tell him so somehow. After all, you two did have an agreement, and even if he happened to blow his end off, it's still your responsibility to be mature and keep your end of the deal.


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"That depends a good deal on where you want to get to."
"I don't much care where-"
"Then it doesn't matter which way you go."

~The Chesire Cat to Alice~
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Re: Just a little horny, is it cheating? - February 28th 2009, 04:53 AM

We did not agree to any specific exclusive terms, and the agreements were still vague even ("Do you wanna go out?" "Yeah, that'd be sweet, give me your number so we can hang out more"), and thus I gave him my number, assuming that he would call, and not bothering to get his (so, no, I don't have any way to talk directly to him). And I LIKE him a LOT, I don't want to blow him off, but after two weeks, it just makes me think either that he's not serious or that he doesn't want to go out really.

I'm not trying to make excuses, I know that I made a concious choice to fool around with her, and perhaps this probably wasn't the best decision. But at the time, it just didn't seem like it would be a big deal I guess. I mean, I was half thinking of it as practice for before I dated anyone again. And I usually would start to think that they weren't interested after two weeks of no communication, but that just puzzles me since he seemed to like me so much when we were together that night, and he seemed extremely nice at that.

So, what I'm thinking right now is that I'm just going to ask the mutual friend if she can please tell him to call me, that way if he did lose my number or something she can give it to him, and assuming he does so, we can meet up next week (I'm not big on discussing these things on the phone, really) and clarify things, maybe. After (and IF :/) I do get a chance to talk to him, I don't know whether to tell him, or if it's a big deal or not...
   
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Re: Just a little horny, is it cheating? - February 28th 2009, 07:27 PM

if they havent called then must not show interest then
so i dont beleive it would be cheating at all
have fun


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