Triggering (Suicide): i miss him

[Alone&Forgotten]

awhile ago my ex bf tyler i called him ty killed himself we went together we helped eachother throu everything the only down falll was he was abusive noone knew we went out he was older then me but we loved eachother so much he may have hit me but i love him and we broke up after awhile he said i promise i wont hit u i changed he said if u dont go bak wiht me wats the point of liveing ur the only one i want i said no and he did kill himself idk he loved me so much but i miss him i still havent gotten over him im in high school now this was in middles school 7grade about that time but i never told anyone this that are frieds or family with me noone wouldve understood us but i feel its my fault he is gone now and i just need to move on but i cant i know i feel like im ready for another realtionship but idk if i can trust any other person like i trtusted ty any advice

[PSY]

Hey there, Coco.

First of all, I am truly sorry for your loss. He may have been abusive, but that doesn't make his loss any easier to deal with. Maybe your family members and friends won't understand the nature of your relationship, but I'm certain they will understand your grief. Does that makes sense? I mean, they may not understand why you still loved him after everything he did to you... but they can understand how it must feel to lose someone you loved. So talk to them! That is generally the best way to cope with grief - talking about it, getting your feelings out in the open, sharing your thoughts with those around you. Holding it all in won't allow you to move on.

Secondly, you have to try and accept that Tyler was a rare exception. Not every man you date will abuse you and/or kill themselves - that is, assuming you proceed with caution. Some people who have been abused in the past will seek out partners who are abusive. Some people who are surrounded by depression/suicide will seek out partners who suffer from depression/suicide. Basically, some people look for what is familiar to them, even if it's not necessarily what's best for them. So long as you don't fall into a pattern of seeking out abusive and/or suicidal partners, however, you can be fairly certain that you will NOT have to deal with another boyfriend like Tyler. You can assume that your partner is a loving, healthy individual who does not intend to hurt you in the same ways that Tyler did. You can trust that person.

I wish you all the best. Feel free to PM me if you ever want to talk!

[Boxy]

Hello

First I just wanna say that I hope you don't think Ty's suicide was your fault. Even if he blamed it on you, it's just not true. Anyone who commits suicide over a broken relationship has more underlying issues that they just never worked through.

You certainly did not deserve being hit by Ty, and you don't deserve that from anyone else either.

You said you couldn't tell anyone before because they would not have understood, but maybe you can talk to someone about it now. It's obviously still affecting you, so maybe you should just get it out, and off your chest to a close friend.

Trust is something that builds when you get to know a person. You may not trust anyone in the way you trusted Ty YET, but just give yourself the chance to. You can go on dates with being in a relationship and having the status of 'dating' if you get asked out, or you ask someone else out, just take the chance. You do not by any means have to have full trust just starting out. If after a while, you develop reasons as to why you can't trust a particular person, then so be it. You can't trust everyone in this world, and that's perfectly normal.

Hope this helped,
Take care,
<3 Boxy

[WillO'Wisp]

I'm terribly sorry to hear about your loss.
First off, despite whether he was threatening to kill himself or not, you still did the right thing by getting out of that relationship. He was abusive to you and even if he promised never to hit you again, they always say that. But in a few weeks, they go back to the same routine.
It is not your fault that he killed himself. He decided to do this by his own hand. He could have seeked help, a therapist a friend, anyone. He decided not to, and he went by his own hand and took the easy way out. It is very tragic and horrible that he did this to himself, but you have to understand it was not your fault in any way and you are not to blame. You were in the right, you knew you deserved something better, someone who didn't hurt you and hit you.
I know it still hurts and you miss him, but the pain goes away with time. And with time, it'll bring someone new and someone better who can ease the pain and make you feel better. Someone special who will treat you like a queen like you deserve to be treated.
If you need a friend, PM me anytime. I'll try to help.