Forced breakup, please help!

[Koharuchan]

Okay, it's kind of complicated...
My boyfriend is an amazing guy. He's funny, kind, and cares about everyone. He's also a total goofy hyperactive dork. Just like me. We have a lot of common interests, and he was my best friend before we started dating. We've been together for a long time now, but about one month into our relationship he revealed to me that he is a crossdresser. I don't have a problem with it, that isn't the issue. He loves it when I dress him up, and I've given him several outfits. I'm the first girlfriend that has accepted this about him, and we're very happy together. A few of our friends know this secret, and they're all very supportive. However, about one month ago, he told his mother about it because he thought she'd be okay with it. She said she loved him and that it wasn't a problem. She even helped him hide it from his stepdad.

But now, she's decided that it is a problem. She told his stepdad, and they threw away all his girl clothes. They're also forcing him to get therapy because they think he has serious mental problems. If that was the worst of it, I would help and support him until we were able to get out on our own, but it doesn't stop there.

His parents said that because I support him, I would hinder his therapy and so he has to break up with me. He's not allowed to call or text me, we can't see each other outside school, and if his teachers see us in the hall together they'll tell his parents and he'll be in trouble. After he told me he broke down crying, and I held him and told him we'd make it through somehow.

After he dropped me off at my class, I sat down in my seat and instantly started crying. I was barely able to hold it in long enough to comfort him. Our friend took me to the bathroom where I cried for about an hour. She knows his secret, so I was able to explain everything to her. I can't protect him, and I'm being cut off from him.

His parents won't accept him for who he is. He doesn't need help, there's nothing wrong with him. I even researched crossdressing after he told me about it. His parents are hurting him and making him feel like a freak, and they're upset with me for having supported him all this time. I can't even tell my mom because she already thinks he's weird, and if she knew this she'd force me to break up with him in an instant. I love this boy to death, and I can't bear being forced away from him. We've been together a long time, we've made it through rough times, we've gotten through fights, we've gotten over every speedbump. But this is really hard for us, especially him. This was already a very sensitive issue for him, so now he feels horrible about himself and he feels awful for having to leave me.

We're trying to stay together, but we don't know what to do. Please give me any advice you can offer!

[Brig]

I feel so sorry for you make me feel like crying.
If it were me, i would sneak around, see him, text him, call him as much as possible and the second you both turn 18, get out of there. Get a job now so you can start to earn money that will allow you to rent an appartment etc...
It will be tough to get through however many years u have until you can make your own decisions legally but it will work out in your advantage in the long term.
You also need to tell your mum. Hiding things and dealing with these situations on your own and without your mum will only make things worse for you. Listen to her advice, you dont necessarily need to agree with it or take it in, but just consider what she has to say. She wants what is best for you, she might even let your boyfriend move in with you if she understands.
I hope you get through this as i know exactly what it's like to have a "mother-in law" which is a nightmare. My boyfriend's mother of 3 years hates me and is doing everything she can to get my boyfriend to break it off simply because she personally isn't ready for her son to be dating. Whata bitch

[Koharuchan]

Originally Posted by Brig

You also need to tell your mum. Hiding things and dealing with these situations on your own and without your mum will only make things worse for you. Listen to her advice, you dont necessarily need to agree with it or take it in, but just consider what she has to say. She wants what is best for you, she might even let your boyfriend move in with you if she understands.

I really can't tell her. I wish I could. His crossdressing is easy enough to hide, it's not important. The thing is, my mom doesn't know how to accept anything different. She will think he is crazy, and she will make me leave him. She hates the way I dress, she thinks my friends are insane, and she's trying to force me to go to college where she wants me to go. I already told her where I'm moving when I get an apartment, and I already told her it will be with my boyfriend, and she didn't have much to say. But she is mad and doesn't want me to do it. I graduate this year, but he'll still be in high school. That's why these last few months of really spending time together are very precious to us. Once I graduate I'll get a job to save money and move out when he graduates, but that will make it even harder to see or talk to him since he'll be busy with school and watching his younger brothers.

As for him moving in with us, again, mom would never allow it and neither would his parents. They're already mad at me for supporting him.

Thank you very much for the advice you've given me.

[Xineas]

Hey there,

I'm sorry to hear you're in this amazingly tricky situation, being cut off from your loved one, because of his ridiculously controlling parents. That's what they are, ridiculous. I mean, sure if I think hard enough, I can think of a reason why they would do that, but still, it would be pathetic. They probably want to hold up their "image" and a cross-dressing son doesn't fit that picture. Most likely they're looks-obsessed.

One way of communication would be writing letters. Another would be through a common friend. Either way, you can get into more contact with him in those ways and it could be worth a try.

I have to go somewhere now, but I'll reply once more later..

Take care and the best of luck,

[Koharuchan]

Thank you for replying to my message so soon. However I can't write him letters, his parents will see them. They're controlling everything now. And my mother is also obsessed with image. We recently got into a fight and she told me that your appearance and what other people think of you is the most important thing, so obviously I can't seek her advice.

[Lovespentinthedark]

Hey,
so I sort of know what you're going through. My boyfriend and I are unable to see each other because of his parents. I would say just try to take it a day at a time right now and do you and your boyfriend have a facebook or something that you could communicate through online? Sometimes it's not as easy for parents to find out then because you can always just change the page if they come around or delete the history on the computer. Just a though(:
Feel free to PM me. I really hope you guys get it all worked out soon!

[Koharuchan]

My mom is strict. She doesn't like social sites so I'm not allowed to have a facebook. Seems like I'm the only person alive that doesn't have one. -_-

Thankfully we're both in drama club, but drama is a lot of work and we don't have much time together backstage. And if his parents found out we were using that time to be together, they'd pull him out of drama too. I'm surprised they didn't do it already. I actually came to this site because this is the one problem I need a lot of help with, and nobody knows who we are online. Very few of our friends know about this secret. As I said before, he's very sensitive about it. It took all his courage to even tell me he was a crossdresser because none of his ex girlfriends could take it. His last girlfriend yelled at him and told him it was weird and that he couldn't do it. I don't mind. Personally, I love it. He's my living barbie doll, and he loves being a barbie doll. And he always poses for pictures. For most people our relationship could be considered pretty weird, but we love each other.

He's a really great find, but unfortunately most girls aren't attracted to hyperactive dorky crossdressers who love hello kitty. But I love him to death. And the best thing about him is something impossible to find in high school guys...

He wants to wait until we're at least out of high school and engaged to have sex. Now THAT'S rare in high school. Hell, it's rare period, and I love it. I hate the guys that pressure you to have sex before you're ready, they're all over the place. But I found the one person who accepts me completely, and I accept him back. Sorry if I'm rambling, I just love him so much and I'm worried about what will happen. I can't bear the thought of losing such an amazing person.

[Xineas]

Trust me, you're not the only one without a FaceBook account. I got one when I was 17, almost 18. I'm 19 now. My mom never was a fan of it, but once I turned 18, she gave me freedom.

Drama club is great, I'm happy you have something like that together and it would be great if you could meet there and kiss and talk and what not, but chances are, his parents have already talked to your drama club instructor/teacher, saying the two of you can't be together. It's definitely worth a try though!

Another thing that could get things going some way... Has he ever tried rebelling? Just going straight against his parents rules and wishes and standing up for himself? I mean, this is not the advise I usually give, but I've used it as a last resort once myself and it worked wonders. Me and my parents found a way in between after I spoke up and let them know what was going on inside my head. It's a risky method, but it can be used. Chances are his parents will kick him out, which would be the most positive outcome IMO. Then he could find a place of his own. The downside of it, is that if his parents make a really big deal out of this, he could end up in some mental hospital or what not, just because his parents want him there. It's a really delicate situation and the best way would be to take it step by step, day by day. Don't rush things.

You two are amazing together and I don't think anything is going to break that bond. Anything. Even if you guys end up separated for months, you will still be together. You two match like a cherry on top of the icing. You belong together.

Stay strong and take care,

[Koharuchan]

With his parents, rebelling is definitely a bad idea. He's tried once before, it did NOT end well. That will definitely make our situation worse, because his mom will know I influenced him to do it. Then we'd definitely be separated. As for talking to the drama teacher, thankfully Mrs. Sims is the most amazing woman alive. She was one of the first people I talked to. She's more like a mother to me than my actual mom. She gave us special permission to come to the club even on days when our characters aren't needed for rehearsal. The rule is that if you don't need to be there that day, don't come. She also lets us pull our desks into each other in theatre class, she has all year. We can lean on each other and cuddle and she doesn't care. Even so, drama is a LOT of work. We have very little time backstage to be together, but we aren't complaining. It's something, at least.

As for the separation, I'm mainly upset because I graduate this year and he doesn't. I'm a year ahead of him. So since I plan on getting a job after graduation to save up for an apartment when he graduates, I won't have hardly any time with him because I'll be working and he'll still be in school. These last few months of school as all the time we have left to really be close to each other for a while. After that, we'll be apart a lot more. These last few months are very precious to us, and his parents are taking that away.