Saving First Kiss For Marriage?

[jelli1224]

Hey guys,

I did not find a place where this would be better suited, so I decided to post it here. Feel free to move it if it belongs somewhere better.

I have decided to not only save sex for marriage, but also to save my first kiss until the day I get married. I thought it would be cool to see what other people thought about this, and what their personal views were. So what do you think about saving your first kiss until marriage? Thanks for your opinion.

Angelica

[Snufkin]

I think that sounds pretty pointless. Why would you WANT to save your first kiss until marriage? I can barely understand reserving sex until then, but a kiss is a way of sharing some passion with someone. If you're not gonna interact physically at all before you marry someone, it's gonna be weird having to cross that barrier once you're husband and wife.

[bitesize]

There's a group for people who want to do this on facebook, and because I didn't really understand it, I read through all their points for why they want to do it, and can understand that it's a pretty strong concept.
However this is not something I could ever do, not something I would even consider considering. I love kissing. I've been doing it since I was eleven and I've kissed a lot of people and don't regret this at all. I can understand why people might want to save sex for marriage but I just feel that by waiting until you're married to kiss means you're missing out on a lot of life. Kissing is good for you, physically and psychologically. I believe that you should kiss as many people as you want to. I just don't really agree with the concept of saving kissing for just one person, and waiting thirty years.

[Rainbow Dash]

Eh. I agree with the others, you would be missing out on a LOT of things to do in a relationship if you wouldn't even kiss them. Personally I think there would be too much pressure on you and your partner.

At the end of the day though it's your life and if you find someone who thinks the same then, great. I just don't think it's a good idea.

[OMFG!You'reActuallySmart!]

I can understand people saying they want to save sex for marriage but saving a kiss for marriage makes romantic guestures and expressions of one's love for their partner quite difficult. It'd also put quite a bit of strain to resist kissing if you're deeply in love. That said, what are your reasons?

For me, I couldn't do that. I couldn't go without sex for even a month, although I have done that as horrible as it was lol.

[Reverie.]

I guess I can kind of understand why, although not fully. I've never kissed anyone as I've never been in a relationship, so I couldn't tell you what it's like and how much you're missing out, but I think kissing is a way of sharing with and trusting your significant other. I mean, the choice is up to you, and if that's what you want to do, go ahead and do it, but my PERSONAL opinion would be otherwise. <3

[Leo]

In my opinion, If I were in a relationship with someone and they told me that they wouldn't kiss me until they were married I wouldn't be in a relationship with them for very long.

[Nicole!]

I don't think I could ever do this because I love kissing too. It's nothing inappropriate so I'm not really sure why someone would wait, but bear in mind I don't know any of the reasons.
With relationships, one thing that seperates them from just being friends is the physical things you do. Its a way of showing your significant other that you love them. If you don't even kiss, then it would just be like your best friends.
Your next boyfriend might get confused if you tell him that, and he may take it that you don't even like him. However it really is your choice.

[Jack]

Without kissing or sex there really would not be much of a relationship. A relationship without intimacy is effectively nothing but a really good friendship. As a choice I feel that it's ridiculous, as Leo implied, very very few people are going to wait that long for a simple kiss and by setting yourself this strange standard you're going to miss out on dating lots of people who could potentially be the person you fall in love with simply because they would like to kiss.

Not to mention, with the divorce rate, you could very well end up waiting 10 more years to kiss your husband and then simply get divorced within three years of that marriage rendering the entire exercise pointless.

Then again, I can't understand waiting until marriage for sex either but really waiting until marriage for a kiss is rather foolish.

[jelli1224]

Hey guys,

Thank you so much for your opinions. I have had fun reading them and I find them quite interesting.

For those of you who want to know my reasons, I feel lead by God to save my first kiss for marriage and there is no other reason for that. (Please do not criticize me for this.)

Thanks for your opinions,
Angelica

[Angeleyez07]

You have given me some things to think about with kissing and waiting till marriage to have your first kiss. I have some friends that believe in the notion to wait till they get married to have sex and maybe they would wait till they get married to kiss someone for the first time. I think whatever your beliefs are go for it and dont let anyones way of thinking stop you and for the fact you havent kissed anyone yet so you dont know what its like and you dont know what your missing means that waiting till your married will make your first kiss special. Your first boyfriend yes will be kinda confused by what you want to do but if he loves you enough to wait to kiss you and have sex with you then you two are truly meant to be together. And guys are sexually charged with hormones and etc so its gonna be hard for a guy to hold back wanting to kiss you but if he follows your beliefs and understands you then its a relationship worth having and keeping.

[Digilodger]

Intriguing!

When you have a boyfriend or at least when you have gotten married, please remember to come back and post your experience. Seems like this "save-all-sexual-contacts-until-marriage" goal has some potential to be rather romantic (assuming that both sides agreed and neither side pressures each other). I would want to know the result


On another note, how about this: Instead of saving both kiss and sex until marriage, how about save the kiss for engagement and sex for marriage?

Also on another note, if you feel like no one supports this, then try reading some of the comments on this article on Yahoo Shine (there're 153 comments total, as of now).

[Jack]

Originally Posted by jelli1224

Hey guys,
For those of you who want to know my reasons, I feel lead by God to save my first kiss for marriage and there is no other reason for that. (Please do not criticize me for this.)

Out of interest, what makes you feel God would want you to save being kissed for marriage? Surely God would want you to be happy and to help you find someone to fall in love with rather than make it significantly harder to date and have relationships? I know several biblical passages suggesting that sex should be saved for marriage but I've not seen one that says the same of kissing, so I'm interested to see if I missed something.

I just feel like you'll be hurting yourself in the long run with this idea.

[jelli1224]

Thank you guys for your idea's. They mean a lot.

The first thing I want to address is that the Bible does not mention we need to save our first kiss for marriage. You are very correct about that. The Bible says that we are to refrain from sexual relations until we are married.

But for me personally, I feel God is leading me to remain pure even in the aspect of kissing. I know a lot of you think that without kissing your boyfriend, you don't know if you are compatible, or if they are a good kisser or anything like that. You guys think I will be missing out on something special.

But for me, I grow very attached to people. Because of this, I feel God is leading me to refrain from kissing anyone but my husband because I don't want so much baggage when I get married.

Someone also mentioned that they want me to come back and tell you what happened once I got married. I will be sure to keep you posted. lol And exactly. It is a very romantic gesture, and is commonly seen as a gift to give to your future husband.

I hope I answered all questions. Let me know if I have not. Thanks for your opinions, I have enjoyed reading them.

~Angelica

[TakeTheLeap]

I can't quite understand saving kissing until marriage. The only people I've heard of doing that are the Duggar family on TLC (19 Kids and Counting).
Sex after marriage is one thing... To me, having sex is like giving a piece of your heart away, and once it's gone, you can't get it back. Therefore, there's only one person you would want to give it to - the person who will share their heart with you forever.
As far as kissing is concerned... A physical relationship is just as important to marriage as an emotional relationship, and kissing is usually one of the first things that shows you that there is a true spark in the relationship. I would feel as though something was missing without that first kiss. Now, does it mean I believe you should kiss on the first date to find out if there's a spark? No. My fiance and I, as a matter of fact, didn't share our first kiss until we had been dating for 15 months. Yes, I think you should save kissing until you find a true emotional connection with someone, but I don't think you necessarily need to save it until marriage.

[sassygurlone]

I've never considered saving my first kiss for marriage, and I don't regret that I didn't. But if that is what you want for yourself stick to your values and don't let anyone pressure you to do something that you don't want to do.

[iamverybeautiful]

It's your life, you choose how you want to live it.

However, pretty much no guy will date you if tell him that. I know this seems harsh, but it's true. You might say, "well, so what? I will find one who will respect my decision." You MIGHT (though hardly; kissing is considered normal among non-married couples), but does this mean that you will reject those (perhaps nice guys) who WANT to kiss you? Who knows, perhaps they could wait to have sex after marriage. To the person that said that the guy will love you even if you tell him that you won't kiss him after marriage; it's very unfair to say that. What if the OP said that she will NEVER have sex (even when she gets married). Does this mean that the guy should still "respect" the decision because he loves her? There comes a point when certain things are expected because that's what naturally happens in relationships, and to put such limits on yourself (though it's your choice), I personally believe will end up restricting you than benefiting you.

PS: I don't mean to sound condescending because I don't know you but trust me, you WILL change your mind. I can understand (to an extent) in waiting to have sex, but waiting to kiss someone most likely will not happen, especially when you find someone you really like and are attracted to. How old are you? You sound very young.

[how.we.operate.]

I grew up in a household where sex before marriage was viewed as a really bad thing because it is not what the Bible says to do. I also got my first kiss at 16.
Personally, I feel that it is rather pointless to save your first kiss till marriage. In our world today, there aren't going to be many men that would agree to that too. Kissing is something interesting, you create a different type of bond between you and the other person. I feel like if you don't kiss, you aren't sharing a certain level of intimacy that you need to share before marriage. Although personality/compatibility and feelings play a huge role in a relationship, so does intimacy. If you aren't able to be intimate with your partner, then the relationship is not (in my eyes) a complete relationship.
Since I grew up in a household like that, I do respect the thoughts of saving sex for marriage, but I do think the chances of that are getting slimmer. I lost my virginity when I wasn't really ready, but with my current boyfriend I think that having sex has allowed us to bond in a different way-I am comfortable with my body around him because he knows my body.

[PSY]

I had my first kiss when I was 7 years old... so I've never felt the need to wait until marriage. To me, kissing is a fantastic way to express your affection for another person. I can understand abstaining from sex until marriage - that is what I am doing.

I do have some friends who are waiting to kiss until engagement, and some friends who are waiting to kiss until marriage. The three main arguments are as follows:

1. Kissing, like intercourse, is seen as a sexual act; therefore, they feel compelled to wait until marriage.

2. Kissing, like intercourse, should be saved for "the one"; therefore, they feel compelled to wait until marriage.

3. (This is the only argument I can really understand, based on my own experiences.) Kissing can lead to a "slippery slope", where further sexual acts are deemed more acceptable with time; therefore, it is better to wait until engagement before kissing, when one is certain that the relationship will eventually progress to intercourse and regular sexual activity.

It's certainly given me a lot to think about, but I can't say I'd ever abstain from kissing in my current (or future) relationships.

[MacGuffin]

I personally don't understand it, and find it to be a little extreme. I know I could never do it. I'm a very physical person, and kissing is a way for me to express my affection for someone in a way that is sweet and pleasant to all those involved.

It's your life though, and you should live it as you see fit. If you have that kind of resolve, more power to you.

[Aletheia*]

I never understood the point in saving anything for marriage. God might want us to refrain from it, but I don't think I'm going to go to Hell because I've kissed and had sex before I was married. I understand saving sex for marriage, I do. But, kissing? REALLY? You might not be able to hold on to a guy if you can't show him that you can be affectionate in other ways other than sex. Kissing is a huge way to become connected to your significant other. It's not the only way but it's certainly a big part of it. I think it's crazy. God also forgives, so if you were to kiss someone before getting married, he's not going to let you rot in Hell either.

[jelli1224]

Thank you for your opinions. It depends on what you think of when you saying, "young". I know a few friends of mine who are 18 and 19 and are still waiting for their future husband before they kiss. So, I am for sure not the only one who does this. It is just not so common these days.

As PSY stated, those are the 3 main reasons that people feel lead to wait before marriage. It really depends on each individual. For those of you who say you will not rot in hell for having sex or kissing someone before marriage, I partly agree with you. The bible does say to refrain from having sex until marriage.

This has been a personal decision that I have decided to make. But I do understand your reasons for not doing this, and they make perfect sense. In no way am I judging your decisions, I just wanted to see what some other thoughts on this were. I have found them very interesting.

Angelica

[TigerTank77]

Well... gonna be a quick divorce.

This whole "love is a magical fairy tale" thing is getting out of hand.

[jelli1224]

I did find in the Bible where God does ask us to remain pure with our mind, body, and spirit. So in this case, remaining pure in the area of kissing would actually apply.

"Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things." -Philippians 4:8

So in this case, the Bible actually does say that we should think about and do all things that are pure and noble. For me, this verse applies to saving yourself for your future husband and even after. I am not saying that I will not kiss my future husband or further once we are married, but I am saying that this verse should apply in our life in general. No matter what the topic is being discussed. But again guys, this is just my opinion. I understand that others will have different opinions, and that is just fine.

Angelica

[Aletheia*]

I still don't believe I'm going to rot in Hell for having sex or kissing my boyfriend. There is a reason for sex to be a part of our lives. I am saying this because you seemed to not believe me when I said I wasn't going to rot in Hell. If you think that, fine. But, God forgives. Which you so obviously left out of your reply.

[Believe.]

i don't find it too be sucha bad idea, someone who saves themselves kiss and sex all must have an awesome wedding but i would probably feel super shy and nurvous and a little overwhelmed lol
i had never heard of sucha thing as saving your kiss for marriage, i kinda like it!

[PSY]

I'd like to remind everyone that this is not meant to be a discussion about religion. The OP merely mentioned her religious beliefs because it was relevant to her reasons for not wanting to kiss until marriage. If you would like to continue discussing whether or not kissing/having sex before marriage is a sin, feel free to create a separate thread in the Religion and Spirituality forum.

Also, while most of these responses have been worded in a respectful manner, please keep in mind that all responses should be directed toward the original question (what do you think about saving your first kiss until marriage?) and should not attack individual members.

[bitesize]

I did watch a video recently of a couple who had saved their first kiss for their wedding day and their kisses looked so awkward and so (physically) uncomfortable. If I or the person I was kissing still kissed the way I kissed when I was eleven I'm not sure kissing would be a very nice experience at all. :/

[DeadlySin]

My view is you need practice kissing. No one is perfect for their first kiss.
So do you really want your first kiss in front of everyone at the alter to be sloppy and unorganized?

Once you have had practice kissing, then the day of your wedding you do have the perfect I love you kiss.

Just my view on it.
I'd say save it till you're engaged, then start practicing lol.
So I have no issue with it, do what you want. Just wouldn't want you to have a terrible messed up first kiss in front of everyone, ya know?

Plus honestly, I don't know how many guys would be cool with absolutely NO physical stuff. No kissing, no oral, no sex, no groping, no nothing. I'm sorry but most guys I know couldn't survive on just hugs and cuddles. =P

[LittleMsFOB]

Hello,
This is an interesting topic. One of my best friends is actually in this situation, because his girlfriend would also like to save the first kiss (and all that would logically follow) until marriage. He's fine with it and supports her. So I do think it is possible for you to find someone who will wait for those things with you. As for me, I want to save sex until marriage simply because I think that is such a hugely intimate experience, and one that forms a bond between two people. So I want that to be with the person that I marry. Kissing though, just has a different connotation for me. I've had my first kiss, don't regret it, and see it as a way of expressing romantic affection, similar to holding hands or hugging.
I admire you for sticking to your guns, and think it's great that you're living out your faith. Do come back and tell us how it goes. Best of luck!

[orangejello]

To me, the "you need practice" argument doesn't hold. There is something to be said for practice, but I don't think all first kisses have to be bumbling and awkward. My first kiss was very passionate and rather nice.

I know one couple that saved their first kiss for marriage. They aren't happy together. I know another couple that kissed before they were married, but waited for sex. They are happy together. I know another couple that did everything before marriage, and they are also happy together. But all of this is anecdotal evidence.

I think what matters most is why YOU choose to kiss/not kiss, have sex/not have sex, etc., and how close you are with your partner. I don't think that can be gauged by whether or not you decide to wait, or by other people who have been in your shoes. It has to be something that means something to you and the person you're with.

I know for sure that I won't wait for marriage to kiss, and I probably won't wait for marriage to have sex. That's not because guys won't like it if I want to wait. ("Guys won't like it" is the wrong basis for a decision, in my opinion.) It's because sexuality is a part of me, and I'm proud of who I am. I want to explore it, and let the man I'm with see it. That's what I want for myself.

I hope you do what you want for yourself, too. Whatever that might mean.

[jelli1224]

Thank you for you're ideas. You all have some interesting points to make. I do want to agree with orangejello's idea here. Not all first kiss's are awkward, weird, or overall physically uncomfortable. The first kiss can be passionate and very sweet.

There are also guys out there that I do know will support my decision and stick with me. In my opinion, true love will last and can last without all that physical stuff. I'm sure if we really loved each other, we can wait until we marry. Now, I realize that my future husband might not be pure or have waited. But that's alright. I won't be changing my idea's on this any time soon. But I do think your idea's are very interesting. Thank you all for sharing.

Angelica

[amystery]

To each their own. *shrugs* I personally wouldn't wait for marriage for a first kiss. I did however wait until I was 18 before I had my first kiss though. It made it a lot more special. (at the same time though I'll be honest a lot of it had to do with me being shy and never having a boyfriend haha) I don't really see the point of waiting till marriage for a first kiss but thats just me. As long as youre okay waiting till marriage and the person youre with is okay with it then go for it

[Heartlines.]

I don't think that I could ever wait for the first kiss to be until marriage.
I mean, if that's what you want to do, then by all means.
I just think that there has to be an equal amount of physical and emotional attraction.
I just don't know if I see the point.
However, I do see the point in waiting for marriage to have sex. Just the kiss thing is a bit extreme to me?

[Leo]

orangejello in your case Id like to point out that it is highly possible that the person you kissed did have experience. Thus making it a lot less awkward for u. In my case my first and second kiss were 5 years apart and they were both hella awkward . But on the flip side I kissed a friend of mine at a party about a year ago and she told me after that it was her first kiss and she was glad I kinda just took the lead and it wasnt awkward. So it really depends on the other person as much as you.

On the subject of not kissing, Kissing to me is an expression of passion. Its a way to show the other person how much u love them. Words arn't enough sometimes. I personally am a very passionate person, and I would personally have a hard time in a relationship if that aspect was removed. Even with my girlfriend its hard because she doesn't like to kiss very much. So to have that removed completely, I would end up leaving. It's not a matter of not respecting the other persons beliefs, its more just something that I couldn't deal with.

[bitesize]

Out of curiosity, are you against all kinds of kissing before marriage?? I mean, can you kiss on the lips without opening your mouth?? Are you ok with kissing each other on the head or cheek or anywhere else??

[jelli1224]

No, I am not against ALL kissing before marriage. I think that the head/cheek would be alright, but no, not on the lips.

But I do agree that it also depends on the person you are with. Depending on the person, some people are not going to want to wait before marriage. That's alright, they will just not be the person I will be spending the rest of my life with, because I will not be compromising that for anyone.

Angelica

[TigerTank77]

I've been trying to figure out a way to articulate this in a manner that doesn't come off as me being an angsty atheist, so here we go.

I think this whole idea is a foolish venture to create a sense of self-importance and superiority based on a belief in something that does not exist outside of works of fiction- I.E- True love. Not to say I don't believe in love, but "happily ever after" does not exist.

I don't think saving oneself for marriage is a good idea. I don't think it's healthy, mentally or physically for anyone involved, and creates a lot of un-needed stress and animosity for no other reason than the bible says so." And kissing? Really?You might as well just not touch each other at all. Only way to be sure, right?

I'm not going to jump into what other ridiculous things the bible said, but if you're going to base your entire life around a book designed by people to control the thought and actions of other people they wished to preside over, than you're fooling yourself.

If its what you want, then by all means, go for it. Everyone grows out of it eventually.

[faded rainbow]

i can on some level understand saving sex till marriage but i dont get saving kissing when im attracted to someone i want to kiss them and i personally would want to be with someone quite a long time before i marry them, kissing is a way of showing your feelings for someone much like hugging but this is just my opinion and if you feel you want to save kissing till marriage thats your choice, hopefully you'll find a guy that feels the same x

[Ashes2493]

I can't see myself or other people doing this since, from a psychological point of view a kiss is really a way of showing you care for someone and it is good for you mentally. Sex bounds you to that person emotionally.
So i can see why you would wait with sex but i can't really see why you would wait with a kiss.