Tease of a Friend

TheWhiteTornado · **Tease of a Friend -** April 21st 2011, 05:41 AM

So a friend of mine is a ridiculous flirt, right? Well, she has a boyfriend and she continues to allow a friend of ours (who previously dated her) to get touchy-feely with her (arm around her, his head on her chest/visa versa, etc.) and I'm positive that he's doing so with the hopes of her leaving her boyfriend for him. She's absolutely positive that she's in love with her boyfriend (in the misguided, naive way) and whenever I bring up that this happens she flips out, saying recently "I didn't do anything, get off my ass". She gets ridiculously defensive (as well as offensive towards me) and says that, because she's not instigating it, it's not her fault. Please reassure me that I'm not insane to be mentioning this to her. I'm not used to conflict so I just need a second opinion to convince me that I'm not the bad guy here. More often than not I hate saying anything similar to this as she tends to take it in the worst way possible and comes off as victimized and I can't help but hate opposing her and I'm really hoping to change this.

Something Clever · **Re: Tease of a Friend -** April 21st 2011, 06:37 AM

I'm kind of in a similar positioin except I am the girl you are talking about... my parents told me I was too affectionate to my best friend and I didnt think anything of it because I love my boyfriend and my friend is.. well, just a friend. But I feel I am starting to fall in love with him. A bit of a pickle on my part. but, yes, you are not crazy. She is defensive but dont take it personal, she will sadly most likely have to learn this lesson the hard way.

TheWhiteTornado · **Re: Tease of a Friend -** April 21st 2011, 07:23 AM

I don't mean it as in just affectionate, but he hardcore flirts in every way (telling her my friends' rant about her to win her favor again, always being within six inches, almost always being on her/making contact). I really wouldn't care so much but she makes such a big deal about proclaiming that she loves her boyfriend and then, when I point out that she's being a tease, she gets defensive talking about how it's not her fault because she's not doing anything and wrong. Sorry if this is turning into more of a rant

PSY · **Re: Tease of a Friend -** April 23rd 2011, 11:57 PM

No, you're not crazy, and your friend is every bit in the wrong for NOT stopping this boy from flirting with her. In my mind, her failure to say "no" and stop him from touching her shows that she has zero respect for her current boyfriend. Someone who was truly in love with their boyfriend would not be okay with someone else being physical and making sexual advances. It would eat away at them. That is probably why your friend becomes so defensive and attacks you when you call her out on her failure to do anything. She knows it's wrong, but she doesn't want to own up to her failure to be a loyal girlfriend. She'd rather play the role of the victim, because you can't yell at a victim.

If you keep pushing her, you'll either be portrayed as the "bad guy", or she'll change her tune and portray her boyfriend or the guy who's flirting with her as the "bad guy". "Oh, but I wouldn't have to seek affection from others if my boyfriend wasn't so mean!" "Oh, but I didn't know this other guy was taking advantage of me!"

TheWhiteTornado · **Re: Tease of a Friend -** April 24th 2011, 05:21 AM

Thanks for that. I mean I had kinda come to these conclusions but it's really hard to maintain resolve when someone is wrongfully attacking back. My friends and I have pretty much had it with her (she's teased two of my friends, telling both of them at one point or another that she'd break up with her boyfriend for them) and I'm just going to start blocking her out. I can only say I look forward to when my friend (one of the two that were led on) retaliates the next time she starts insulting him for being angry about it.