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Relationships and Dating Ask here for advice on dates, break-ups and other relationship concerns.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
melonskies Offline
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Arrow Why do guys dump the good girl? - May 28th 2011, 11:45 PM

I've noticed that a lot of guys dump good girls and go for the bad ones. What's wrong with the ones that have always been there for you and then you just leave out of nowhere? Do they ever regret it or think about the girl they dumped? It's all very confusing when you have a great relationship and they dump you half way through the year.


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Re: Why do guys dump the good girl? - May 28th 2011, 11:57 PM

If someone leaves a relationship when it seems to be going very well, then there was likely any combination of several factors for him/her to have done so: there was something he didn't like but was keeping to himself; he was finding it dull; he became more interested in someone else; probably the least likely being that he was cheating and ended this relationship. Or, it could be something completely external and unique to that scenario. But nobody leaves a relationship for no reason, the same way that nobody enters a relationship for no reason. You may never know exactly why, but it's not just some random act of nature that a person leaves one 'good' person and goes for a 'bad' one.

Also, I don't really understand the very nature of the phrase "good person"...doesn't seem like a very sound concept to me. There are parts of all (most) of us that are good, and there are parts of all of us that are bad. Maybe in your opinion he's gone for a 'bad' person, but to him it probably doesn't seem that way.

My last comment: you don't think that women do the same thing that you accuse men of, if not even more often? I, and many other men, would take offense to your sweeping generalization. I understand that being broken up with hurts, but it's no reason to have a particular mindset about an entire gender. Why let one jerk spoil your opinion of anyone else?
   
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Re: Why do guys dump the good girl? - May 29th 2011, 12:05 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by QuantumModulus View Post
My last comment: you don't think that women do the same thing that you accuse men of, if not even more often? I, and many other men, would take offense to your sweeping generalization. I understand that being broken up with hurts, but it's no reason to have a particular mindset about an entire gender. Why let one jerk spoil your opinion of anyone else?
Oh, man, so much this.

But my big reason? Bad girls are more likely to enjoy being tied up.



   
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Re: Why do guys dump the good girl? - May 29th 2011, 12:11 AM

Quote:
My last comment: you don't think that women do the same thing that you accuse men of, if not even more often? I, and many other men, would take offense to your sweeping generalization. I understand that being broken up with hurts, but it's no reason to have a particular mindset about an entire gender. Why let one jerk spoil your opinion of anyone else?
I said a lot of guys.. not every guy


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Re: Why do guys dump the good girl? - May 29th 2011, 12:54 AM

Hey there,

Men tend to like challenges. With good girls, they often become boring and predictable. Not saying you are/were any of those things, this is just a majority of what my male friends think, including my boyfriend. They don't want someone who is going to back out on something fun or exciting, they want someone who jumps at those sorts of opportunities. I know that having your heart broken sucks, we've all been there (except maybe Acheron ). But, don't let one jerk spoil everything else for you. There is a guy out there that will like/love you for you, no questions asked.











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Re: Why do guys dump the good girl? - May 29th 2011, 01:30 AM

I think it depends on a number of factors.

I think that initially, a lot of people, as in men and women, tend to go for the typical "asshole." I think that naturally anyone and everyone loves a good challenge, but I also think that naturally anyone and everyone starts out a little bit naive.

I find that the younger the person, the less experienced, the more likely they are to go after someone who does not treat them well; the same goes for if they do not personally work on growing/changing. For some people, it's about the thrill of the hunt, finding someone who's unattainable and working to catch and keep that person. for some people, it's about fixing someone - this goes especially for women who get involved with assholes; with the media glorifying it as it does, we're practically raised in a society where good girls go for bad boys and change them for the better, heal their wounds, fix their broken hearts/souls. For others, I'm sure their reasons are completely different and for some, the reasons are completely unique. But I do think that in the end, it all boils down to how much you've grown from your experiences.

For example, for a long time, I was stuck in a perpetual cycle of attracting abusive people (speaking platonically and romantically). I ultimately had to be the one to break this cycle because I was the one attracting these people and I was the one allowing me to treat them the way they were. I learned from it and am now in a relationship with someone I love more than anything, someone who's also learned and grown from his mistakes and found that general balance that we all need to do. And I think that the older you are, though there are a lot of [particularly young, but this could again be due to emotional and developmental maturity] exceptions, as in the more you've experienced/more mature you've become, the more likely you are to realise there's a balance of "good girl/boy" and "bad girl/boy." The more likely you are to become this balance, and the more likely you are to attract it.

But in the end, nobody likes someone who's so nice that they're a doormat. For as long as you're willing to give, people are going to take, and though people will generally flock to these people to get what they want, these people are not who they want. Generally, or at least for me and the people I've met, people want someone who's strong enough to hold their own, be their own person, even show a little dominance once in a while, sometimes to avoid boring and predictable behaviour and sometimes for other reasons.

EDIT: There's also the argument of life experiences, childhood environment, and parental influence on choosing partners and so on.


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