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Relationships and Dating Ask here for advice on dates, break-ups and other relationship concerns.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Veni Vidi Vici Offline
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Sorry, I'm inexperienced with this kind of stuff... - July 16th 2011, 08:27 AM

Hey guys, I just need a bit of help with something that came up. It has to do with this girl, and I think this should be the best place to put it.

So, to cut it short, there's this girl who I didn't talk to regularly at school. Ever since summer break started, she's started BBMing me often (before, she didn't even message me) with things like 'whatsup'? or 'what are you doing'?

I asked people on TH about this and the majority of the responses that I got were to not make it out to be something more than a girl who just wants to pass time by talking. So I took this to heart and just kept her conversations going whenever she messaged me.

Lately though, (when I told her I was with my friends at the movies), she's started teasing me with 'why don't you ever invite me' or 'when are you going to call me up?' She continued by saying, 'I will never stand you up...'

This seemed weird to me considering I don't consider her as a close friend or anything..

So my question to you guys/girls is: What should I make of this? It seems like she wants me to invite her somewhere but I honestly don't want to take her with my friends because they're sort of immature and I'm worried she'll be uncomfortable with them (they know each other from school btw). Should I just invite her to 'chill' with a couple friends to take away some secrecy? Or do you think she might want me to ask her to something more formal like a date for example? (me paying for her for example).

I've never asked a girl out on something more than just chilling or talking so I might not be getting anything which might seem obvious to you guys! Any help would be appreciated! thanks!


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Re: Sorry, I'm inexperienced with this kind of stuff... - July 16th 2011, 01:20 PM

Sound's like she want's a date.
Ask her to applebees or the equivalent in your area.
Share an appetizer, shoot to crap, have a conversation. If things go well ask her if she want's to see a movie or do something else she expressed interest in during the date.

It's really a simple thing to do man, the hardest part about a date is getting them to go - the rest is easy.


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Re: Sorry, I'm inexperienced with this kind of stuff... - July 16th 2011, 02:47 PM

It does sound like she wants a date.

You've been talking for a while, but always through messages. It might be because she's an extremely shy person while around other people, which is why she is choosing to do her flirting over a messaging system.
If you think you might like to find out more about her, ask her out on a date. Take her to a nice restaurant, ask questions about her. Have her ask questions about you. Then take it from there.











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Re: Sorry, I'm inexperienced with this kind of stuff... - July 17th 2011, 05:59 PM

I agree with the other answers yup
Just to add, as a possibility you could try making it a little more loose and informal by inviting one or a couple of your friends and inviting her to do the same? Call it a double date or just a few mates hanging out, depends what you're going for, but it would be a chance to get to know her better with a little less pressure? Maybe? Just a thought anyway...
   
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Re: Sorry, I'm inexperienced with this kind of stuff... - July 17th 2011, 07:18 PM

Yeah, she wants you to take her out sometime. She's being incredibly obvious about it. But shit, why's everyone hung up on dinner dates? Protip: dinner dates suck more than any other kind of date. I suspect that they've become the cultural standard purely because cute girls like free food. You make stilted conversation over overpriced food (which you, as the guy, are expected to pay for. Going Dutch= win) with a table stuck in between you like a Puritan bundling board.

Here's what you do instead. Spend a day together. Hang out with no friends around. Window-shop. Grab a coffee and people-watch (by people-watch, I mean poke fun at passers-by). Walk in the park. Chilling and talking is the best date there is, although admittedly I prefer to chill and talk over cocktails. It's a chance to get to know each other without supplicating (yes, buying her dinner is supplicating. She should be chasing you) to some girl that you don't even know if you like. Don't even have to call it a date. If she's into you, she'll chalk it up as one.



   
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Re: Sorry, I'm inexperienced with this kind of stuff... - July 17th 2011, 07:53 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Acheron View Post
Yeah, she wants you to take her out sometime. She's being incredibly obvious about it. But shit, why's everyone hung up on dinner dates? Protip: dinner dates suck more than any other kind of date. I suspect that they've become the cultural standard purely because cute girls like free food. You make stilted conversation over overpriced food (which you, as the guy, are expected to pay for. Going Dutch= win) with a table stuck in between you like a Puritan bundling board.

Here's what you do instead. Spend a day together. Hang out with no friends around. Window-shop. Grab a coffee and people-watch (by people-watch, I mean poke fun at passers-by). Walk in the park. Chilling and talking is the best date there is, although admittedly I prefer to chill and talk over cocktails. It's a chance to get to know each other without supplicating (yes, buying her dinner is supplicating. She should be chasing you) to some girl that you don't even know if you like. Don't even have to call it a date. If she's into you, she'll chalk it up as one.
This, lol.

I've never been a huge fan of dinner dates for anything other than a) in a long-term relationship/if you've been going out for a while and/or b) only on occasion. Thing is that I tend to find them awkward as hell. Even if you go to a more casual place, you're still likely going to be inhaling drink/food during awkward silences and sitting there awkwardly during the wait. Like Acheron said, you'll have the issue of being expected to pay her bill also - though some of us like paying for ourselves, so I wouldn't completely bank on being expected to pay, especially if you agree to go dutch beforehand. The problem is that typically, you don't know enough about a person to carry on a good, easy-going, natural conversation over the dinner table on a first date. On top of that, I tend to think that it's a bit lack-luster.

Personally, I prefer doing something like Acheron said. No dinners, no movies, no theatre, nothing where I'm going to be sitting and doing something other than getting to know the person I'm with and [hopefully] having a good time; I also want something fun to fill the awkward silences, as opposed to something that'll make them even more awkward. Though it wasn't quite a date - he was interested, I wasn't, but I liked him quite a bit as a friend and it was the first time we were hanging out together outside of class - I once went and played tennis with someone and then grabbed burritos after. I'm a competitive person. I enjoyed the game. I can be a bit of a teasey bitch too - if I like ya, expect teasing - and it was fun making him run everywhere after the ball. When we ran out of things to talk about, we could simply focus on the game and nothing else. Here, we have an arcade and a boardwalk, so it's nice to have that to do/keep us entertained and then go for a walk on the beach after; having something active and engaging and then a nice place to go and talk later is a good way to loosen up and have something to talk about it conversation gets short. The thing is that like I said, you're unlikely to know enough about one another to keep a 60+ min conversation over dinner. Getting to know someone should be about having fun, hanging out, and relaxing, and you won't get that over dinner. If you invite her out, find a common-ground activity. Do something active and atypical.


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Re: Sorry, I'm inexperienced with this kind of stuff... - July 18th 2011, 08:38 AM

Thanks guys, yeah I wasn't leaning on a dinner date because I'm not much of a natural talker where I can think up of things quickly to avoid awkward silences..

I want to ask my friends to tag along and pretend like she's part of the crew for a day, but I can see them making 'hump thrusts' when her head is turned/purposely getting 'lost' so it's just her and I, thus making it more AWKWARD you know?..

I don't know if I can handle a date in such short notice.. Some of you guys may be comfortable with it, but I've never gone out with girls one on one for the sole purpose of a date.. I have gone out with girls to just 'chill' and didn't have a problem with it, but then again, I was confident being with them since they were friends.

I'm probably going to ask her this week. I don't have problems with the asking, I just don't know WHERE to go, and if I should do it one on one or with friends haha....


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Re: Sorry, I'm inexperienced with this kind of stuff... - July 19th 2011, 12:08 AM

Maybe go to a museum? I find that's a great place to go... you always have something to talk about, right? Or maybe head to the beach? Tan? Listen to music? Chat? and Swim? All at the same time?

Why not both of you take a friend? That way you'll both feel a little more comfortable and such. If it goes well and you feel better about going with just her (if you want a next time), then great! You can go from there.

Don't feel pressured into taking her on a date though. It's totally up to you...

Good luck!


   
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Re: Sorry, I'm inexperienced with this kind of stuff... - July 20th 2011, 10:00 PM

Take her to the movies and maybe a walk in the park and just talking, even a picnic. Some place where you and her can have a good conversation and get to know each other in that respect. She likes you obviously. Dont invite you friends because it will give the wrong impression. Ive had that happen before. It will seem like your only interested in being a friend.
   
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Re: Sorry, I'm inexperienced with this kind of stuff... - July 21st 2011, 12:03 AM

It might be a new, exciting and scary situation, but there is no need to put too much pressure on yourself. You're just going out to get to know a girl. Just chilling. If you're uncomfortable with the idea of seeing her one on one, but you want to do that instead of going with friends, I recommend picking neutral territory. Is there a park you can do to (parks make for great dates), or a small cafe? Could you go swimming, or maybe ride bikes or roller blade? Keep it simple and casual- you can still have a lot of fun for very little money, and spend all the more quality time together than if you went to dinner and a movie.


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