Non-PG13: Things Happen

[lea-x-fallen]

i know, i know.
i'm in the wrong, whatever way you look at it.
what happened wasn't good, but yet i don't regret it.
i guess it doesn't help that before this even happened i liked this guy a lot, and i mean a lot.
it's not a rebound, because i AM over my ex. i see it as a bad experience one i will never repeat. also i know what's what in my mind now.
well this guy let's say called J had a party. and yeah a group of people i know were invited. now as the night well, i hadn't eaten properly, as for some reason there's days i don't want to eat, and well i can now see why the alchohol affected me so much.
i did get drunk, i did have a lie down, i was emotional at one point.
but i calmed down, also as people left it ended up with me kissing him and scratching his back.
then yeah well, we went to his room with him and another guy. but the thinh is i had been kissing J a lot all evening, well after a certain point, and the thing is he started it more so. but yeah we did kiss a lot in front of people, he let it drop kind of weird that his mrs would be mad, about the scratches i made on his back, we both did it to each other, but my nails are sharper than i realise. well mrs=girlfriend.
i should have stopped there but you know, i really liked this guy, hell i still do.
well, me, him and this other guy talked all night, with me and J kissing and making out every bit, hell we did that in front of everyone. alchohol
but yeah. you know, we were up all night in his room talking, and eventually the other guy fell asleep, but admittedly hadn't stopped us from touching each other and making out.
hell he slept with his arm around me and that IS the closest i have ever come to feeling like i could just go to sleep and wake up okay.
he was gentle and not so, because yeah i like being bitten and things like that. i have love bites, and scratches.
i REALLY like him, i don't want to.
i'm fucked up.
and after we got up, it was different. totally. we weren't close anymore. and it's like he feels guility for cheating and i just feel cheap and nasty.
he and his girlfriend are okay, but you know. i have fucking lovebites on my lower arm and shoulder, how the hell am i meant to not have them noticed.
it's not fair, they have only been dating a week or so. and he did that.
why do i always like people i shouldn't or can never have.
it's gonna mess me up. i just feel so unwanted and i know i'm going to be alone for so long i feel empty.
every person i fall for, i have no chance.
i know i'm nasty and a slut, but i really did like him, and he liked me right?
he knew i was a virgin and didn't sleep with me because i told him no, but if i hadn't been i would have, i know that. and didn't do anything i felt uncomfortable with, but it just felt right. being with him, and i don't feel right if anyone just touches me, and stuff. he did all these things that obviosuly mean more to me. hell my lip is bruised.
now i have an old ex who keeps texting me, i don't want him in my life. i'm over the past. totally over it, and the future i want, i can't have.
i think even if i just see him, i'll fall more so.
and i can't avoid him, because he is in a group of friends i have.
hell i look forward must to talking to him, hell it was heart to hearts all night. now?
he doesn't care does he?
no one does. i'm sick of it already.
but the thing is, if he kissed me again i'd kiss him back.
i don't normally act like that, but i want him, i want to be able to talk to him, and just be next to him.
i want what i can't have.
and i don't know what to do.
i have people telling me how bad he is, because he's 22 , his girlfriend is 15, but he is going to wait for her, and i'm 17.
it's like but he is not a paedophile, and he genuinely cares for her. because you know he most.
and then there's me...all alone.

but i would date him if i could. i really like him, and the more i know the more i fall for him. it's not often this happens to me, i don't fall in love often and easily. i just don't know what to do.

[Ambiance]

Look, I've been in similar situations, and let me give you a strong word of advice: A guy turns eighteen, already had a girlfriend beforehand, she's turning seventeen soon? HE's not a pedophile. A guy has had experience in his twenties and the dating scene, and he wants to be with underaged girls? He probably has ill intentions or is immature.

[Composure]

I've been in the guy's position. Except, I wasn't 22 and my girlfriend wasn't 15.

Firstly, let me tell you that alcohol does things to people that obscures reality. In reality, he probably wouldn't have hooked up with you. Considering he has been going out with this fifteen year old for about a week is alarming - he hooked up with you because you were there and she wasn't. It's not to say he likes you or he took advantage of you, but he took advantage of the situation - and to be honest, he doesn't really care that much about his girlfriend (if he cheats on someone whilst in a relationship for that long, it seems he doesn't really care about her).

In my honest opinion, he doesn't particularly care about either of you. I'm sure he sees you both as pieces of meat - as harsh as that is. Forget him.

[lea-x-fallen]

he doesnt have ill intentions, he is an easy going guy, and is lovely.
and i guess your right, but i really do like him a lot. =P
i think i should tell him that, but i know when i drink i kiss people if i like them, and i shoudlnt.

i cant forget him, he's in a group of friends i love.

also im probably going to see him tomorrow.
i really do like him.
and its not just the alchohol that made me liek that
i would have kissed him back regardless.

[MacGuffin]

I don't have to tell you that you are asking for trouble. Not only is this 22 year old dating a 15 year old, but he's also the kind of person who cheats on the girlfriend he supposedly cares enough to wait for a week after he has started dating her. Maybe he is a good guy, but if you look at his choices and his behavior he is trouble with a capital "T." If you pursue him, you would be inviting it upon yourself.

You can't have him. He's with someone else, and it's degrading to yourself to be someone else's sloppy seconds just because he can't get in his girlfriend's pants. It might be hard, but you can move on. Find someone who is more worthy of you, who is worthy of your respect. Who won't take advantage of your just because you're a drunk virgin who likes him and he can have you. You can have that safe feeling back, but it won't be with this guy. Wait for it so you can have it with someone else.

[lea-x-fallen]

he's not trouble
and it was because they werent tlking then. i think he trhought they had pretty much broken up so its not liek that
plus how the hell am i meant to find somone
and its just typival this happened.

i liek him and shit happens

i honestly really like him
tbhats the problem
and i cant forget people easy =/

i really do truely like him

i wont be able to stop and now its going to be in my head so myucg
ugh

[PSY]

You may like him, but that doesn't mean it's in your best interests to be with him. Oftentimes, the things we should do are also the hardest things to do. You've heard a few members' opinions, and now it's up to you to decide whether or not you want to follow their advice. Saying, "But I like him," or, "But I can't stop thinking about him," isn't going to change their opinions about the situation. They realize it's not always easy to do what needs to be done, which is all the more reason to not sugar-coat the truth.