Girlfriend coming to family lunch..

[semiunbalanced]

My family is pretty judgmental when it comes to other people. They always have something to say about my friends when they come over unless they are outgoing (but not TOO outgoing), friendly (but not TOO friendly), intelligent (but not obnoxiously dorky)... you get the idea. They seem welcoming enough and they are very friendly but they can get judgmental because... let's face it... everybody does now and then.

Anyway, my girlfriend and I are going to celebrate my 18th Birthday and we're meeting up with my family later on to have lunch together. After that my girlfriend and I are leaving again to go see a show together. She's going to wear the outfit she knows is my favorite (which my mom finds obnoxious) and she's painfully shy. My girlfriend doesn't see a problem with her clothes or her personality (clearly neither do I) but my family is so judgmental! I know they're going to say something about it the next day or make some sort of joke about it that night. Is there anyway I can prevent this or maybe there's something I could say to make them stop cracking jokes? I really hate it when they take stabs at my girlfriend. She did nothing to them and they make fun of how shy she is yet how loud her clothes are whenever she's not around. Please help... I don't want to be dreading my Birthday lunch or the day after it all...

[Aletheia*]

Hey Kimmi,

I would definitely talk to your parents about it beforehand. Let them know that their judgmental jokes can be hurtful, not only to you but to your girlfriend as well. If you don't want to have any hurtful jokes, ask her to not wear the outfit that you like, but another one that is less obnoxious so your parents won't say anything. But, since she shouldn't have to do that, talk to your parents. Tell them to be nice!

[PSY]

Do your parents make fun of your girlfriend when she's present, or do they wait until she's gone? While it's not nice that your parents are making fun of your girlfriend, they ARE entitled to their opinions. I mean, how often do we look at strangers' outfits and say, "Ohmygawd, that's HIDEOUS!"? The only reason why it's so bothersome NOW is because they're making fun of someone you CARE about.

There are two ways I would approach this situation:

1. Tell your parents that you're aware they don't like the outfit, and that they're entitled to their opinions, but that you personally like it and appreciate that your girlfriend is making the special effort to wear it for your birthday. Acknowledge that your parents can think whatever they want, and they're free to vocalize their opinions, but politely ask that they don't do so when you're around. You already know what they think, they don't need to tell you again... and again... and again.

2. Ignore your parents' comments. Parents aren't always accepting of our friends and partners. They want us to have THE VERY BEST, and if we "settle" for anything less than THE VERY BEST, they'll let us know. You know they're wrong about this particular issue, though, so just let it roll off your back.