Sexting scandal

[friendlyfire]

I'm 14, turning 15 in a few months. I have a boyfriend, and to be blunt, we've been sexting. There were no pictures sent, it was only words. Today his dad randomly went through his phone and saw some of the messages. Now he is threatening to tell my parents. I know they would be mad, I'm already in counseling for other family issues. I know I probably shouldn't have sent some of the things I did, but I was just curious.

I don't want to stay away from him, it's almost impossible since we go to the same highschool and we have a lot of similar classes.... what should I do?

[ALLorNOTHINGforCHRIST]

I think the best thing to do is tell the truth, tell your parents you are sorry, and accept whatever punishment results because of these actions.

Most importantly to avoid it from happening again quit sexing.

[DanceCommander]

Well, you're kind of screwed. You can't control whether your boyfriend's dad tells your parents. If he does, he does, and you have to accept whatever happens as a result of that. Take it as a lesson learned not to do the same behavior again.

[zumbaqueen2012]

Well, if he does tell your parents then there is not a lot you can do about it, you just have to wait and see what happens.

Either way, whether your parents find out or not, it may be a good idea to stop, just so the messages dont fall into the wrong hands again.

[Harmony♥]

I completely agree with the others. Sexting is a dangerous thing, and if those messages end up in the wrong hands, it could be lead to some seriously bad consequences.

You just have to see what happens. You can't control whether or not his dad tells your parents. What's been done is done, and accept whatever punishment is headed your way.

[friendlyfire]

Well his dad said that I have to be the one to tell my parents about it. But they still want me around so I'm confused.

[ALLorNOTHINGforCHRIST]

Originally Posted by friendlyfire

Well his dad said that I have to be the one to tell my parents about it. But they still want me around so I'm confused.

What do you mean they still want you around?

[Sincerely Yours ♥]

It sounds like the parent code. They still like you, but they don't want to know about it when your parents don't. If he says you need to tell them, you should. If you're old enough to sext, you're old enough to take responsibility for it.

[ShimmeringFaerie]

Originally Posted by pretty!

Either way, whether your parents find out or not, it may be a good idea to stop, just so the messages dont fall into the wrong hands again.

Originally Posted by ShannonPants

I completely agree with the others. Sexting is a dangerous thing, and if those messages end up in the wrong hands, it could be lead to some seriously bad consequences.

What would happen if her messages were seen by someone else? She already said that she didn't send photos; they were just text messages. And I'm pretty sure that most of us who've had a serious relationship has sent some kind of flirty, sexy message to our significant other. As long as there aren't any photos involved, sexting is an entire safe way for teenagers to explore their sexuality without putting themselves at any sort of physical risk. It's not dangerous.


OP, I think you really need to be the one to tell your parents. They might be mad or they might not care, but I think they're more likely to be mad if someone else tells them.

[friendlyfire]

Originally Posted by ALLorNOTHINGforCHRIST

What do you mean they still want you around?

I'm over at his place a lot, they arent making us break up

[Always&Forever]

i feel like you may have to tell your parents if his dad says anything to them an just take your punishment an learn from what you did. You have to be careful about sending stuff like that cause it can get you into alot of trouble. So learn this time =)

[Madeleine.Claire]

I would just come out and tell your parents what happened, they aren't going to disown you over it, you're young and curious about what it's like, I think if you are the one to come out and tell them, they'll probably think a lot more of you for it. Just don't worry too much and let it come out, good luck (:
<3

[how.we.operate.]

I think that his parents like you and want you to still be in their son's life...but I think they just want you to stop the sexting.

I'd say tell your parents about the sexting, let them know you meant no harm, no pictures were sent, etc so that they at least hear it from you. His parents want you to tell your own parents so that you take the responsibility--if someone else told your parents...I don't think it would end well. Here, I'd say definitely tell them sooner than later. Be brave, it is a tough thing to do, but it will be okay!

Personally, I feel that they want the both of you to feel responsible and learn from this. I don't think they want for something drastic like a break up to happen-which is why they are being responsible parents and saying you should talk to your parents. They want the best for you and their son...but since you are 14/15...they do want to take some form of action instead of doing nothing.

[Silhouette]

I agree that you should be the one to tell your parents. If you are honest with them, they won't be as mad then if they found out you were trying to hide this from them.
His parents probably do still like you, but their respect for you has probably went down. There are people who would do a lot worse to their son, such as cheat on him. They probably also know that he really likes you and don't want to be the reason that your relationship would end.
The best thing to do would learn from this and tell your parents.

[Ambiance]

I really don't think you should tell your parents; you're approaching fifteen, you'll be out of the house in three years, your sexual curiosities aren't necessarily any of his business or theirs'. That being said, however, sexting IS irresponsible and a bad situation to put yourself in. The best thing to do would be to get your boyfriend to delete the messages, for you to delete the messages, and just not to do it again. Phone sex, on the other hand, is a lot safer. NOT saying you should do that, but if you're going to experiment anywhere along these lines without actually making physical contact with this boy, that's a much better option.

Seeing as you said you're curious, however, I think now would be a good time to have "the talk" with your parents. Make sure you are prepared and putting yourself in a good situation should you decide to actually be sexually active.

[Sincerely Yours ♥]

Originally Posted by iLikeToMoveIt

I really don't think you should tell your parents; you're approaching fifteen, you'll be out of the house in three years, your sexual curiosities aren't necessarily any of his business or theirs'.

Just thought I'd mention that not everyone moves out at 18. I'm 19, in college, sexually active, but still living at home. My parents even pay for my birth control, which I probably wouldn't be able to afford if I moved out. It's best to be honest with parents. If you're old enough to do sexual things, you're old enough to admit it & take responsibility for it.

[tamz]

Originally Posted by remembering_sunday

Just thought I'd mention that not everyone moves out at 18. I'm 19, in college, sexually active, but still living at home. My parents even pay for my birth control, which I probably wouldn't be able to afford if I moved out. It's best to be honest with parents. If you're old enough to do sexual things, you're old enough to admit it & take responsibility for it.

This! If I'm honest, I was much worse than that at your age. When it all came out there was hell to pay and however much you try to hide it, they will find out. Things would have been much easier for me had I spoken to them in the first place about things. I think you should be honest. They may be disappointed but it's only because they love you and don't want their little girl growing up so quickly. If they do go mental, they will calm down. They're your parents and they do love you. Just stay strong and let us know how it goes Btw I wouldn't advise continuing it as i doubt they'd be too pleased. There's plenty of time for that sort of thing when you know no one else is going to read his texts or at least get him to delete them straight after he's read them. xx

[how.we.operate.]

Originally Posted by iLikeToMoveIt

I really don't think you should tell your parents; you're approaching fifteen, you'll be out of the house in three years, your sexual curiosities aren't necessarily any of his business or theirs'.

I have to disagree with this...while you are still in the house you should be able to approach your parents about sexual curiosities and issues like this. Sexting is a huge thing now...but it is also very dangerous. Your parents should have the mind to educate you. Yes they will be protective and warn you etc, but it is always useful to have some form of talk with your parents. Also, parents have been there done that (with some situations)...I think that it is best to ask and gain advice from someone that knows you, wants to protect you, but is also supposed to help you learn.
Depending on the household, sexual curiosities may be their business--who wouldn't want their child to get hurt or have a rough time with something?
I would have loved to have had more advice before I left for college...

Also, her boyfriend's parents are telling her to speak up to her own parents. In this situation, it is her responsibility to talk to her parents. The boyfriend's parents are trusting her to talk to her own parents about it...that is a great sign that they just want the best for her and their son. I'd have to say that she should talk to her parents, even if it is hard. There are many consequences, this is one of them, but this is a good way to learn.

[justfallinginlove]

Hey there.
Im sorry your boyfriend's dad got a hold of his phone. One of my worst fears. But its the risk you take.
Sexting is...well lets admit it...its fun, right? Of course it is! But the consequences, as you can see, are not fun.
I have to say I am much worse at that age...I don't just talk about touching//kissing/etc. I do it. But the difference is, when you text something, its permanently written for all to see. When you do or say something into the air somebody can claim that u did it or said it but unless its recorded there is no proof but their word.
What I'm saying is, don't write (or text, chat, email, IM, etc.) something that you wouldn't want your grandparents to read. Thats what they tell us at school, and its a good phrase to live by. Instead say it into the air, like on the phone or in person. Or if your comfortable, do whatever your talking about. Because, then nobody has a way of finding out.
Another analogy is in court they can legally obtain cell phone records, including texts. And they can use that against the defendant. But if the defense's witness says "well bobby said he did it!" That is called here-say and is not admissible in court.
So long story short, come clean with your parents, then never write something or text something that you wouldn't want to be on national television.
Good luck my dear and let me know how all turns out please! <3

[PSY]

Talk to your boyfriend's parents. They probably feel obligated to tell your parents about the sexting - someone mentioned the "parent code", and they're absolutely right. Basically, if you can't change your boyfriend's parents' minds, then you only have two options: tell your parents, or let your boyfriend's parents tell your parents. Which one do you think will go over better with your parents? They MAY be upset if you tell them you've been sexting (and won't do it again), but they WILL be upset if they have to hear it from someone else. You have a chance to come clean to your parents and admit a mistake you made while preserving their trust in you. If you don't have the courage to tell them yourself, though, you risk losing that trust.