TeenHelp
Support Forums Today's Posts


Get Advice Connect with TeenHelp Resources
HelpLINK Facebook     Twitter     Tumblr Hotlines

You are not registered or have not logged in

Hello guest! (Not a guest? Log in above!)

As a guest on TeenHelp you are only able to use some of our site's features. By registering an account you will be able to enjoy unlimited access to our site, and will be able to:

Signing up is free, anonymous and will only take a few moments, so click here to register now!



Relationships and Dating Ask here for advice on dates, break-ups and other relationship concerns.

Closed Thread
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
  (#1 (permalink)) Old
sheltering.sea Offline
Member
Not a n00b
**
 
sheltering.sea's Avatar
 
Name: Onigumo
Gender: ..
Location: ..

Posts: 68
Join Date: February 18th 2009

Question boyfriends "rule" - August 20th 2011, 04:05 PM

ok, so I recently started dating this guy three weeks ago but something he said kind of "irked" me. He says he has a rule for himself saying he wont buy expensive things for his girlfriend unless they have had sex to make sure that the woman is not just after his wallet because he claims that sex is his way of expressing he cares about the person (due to a past relationship he had where he claims that some girl dumped him after he lost his job but he took her shopping before hand.) that pissed me off because I felt like he was assuming that I am some sort of golddigger( which I am not) and could possibly make the relationship sex based. I told him he can't base past relationships on current ones and that he offended me. What do you think I should do? Now, he does pay for things that we do on dates he was just like as long as it's not super expensive. He doesnt pressure me into sex he just comment on how hard it is to control himself. Also in this thread i look for advice not just a bunch of "dump him" comments. If you think that that is fine but if you have a better solution then please suggest that instead of an instant break up.




Last edited by sheltering.sea; August 20th 2011 at 04:13 PM.
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Ambiance Offline
Member
Experienced TeenHelper
******
 
Ambiance's Avatar
 

Posts: 595
Join Date: August 27th 2009

Re: boyfriends "rule" - August 20th 2011, 04:18 PM

Well, I think it's nice when people in a relationship show each other occasionally, like on Christmas and such, that they're WILLING to buy their partners expensive things (only if they have the capabilities to do so, of course), but buying them stuff all the time seems kind of awkward anyway, and the amount of money someone spends on their partner shouldn't be any measurement of how much they care for the other person. Tell him that you don't expect him to buy you a bunch of fancy things, but explain that YOU think there are other ways to express the type of concern for him that he REQUIRES if he's going to buy his girlfriend expensive things BESIDES SEX. And, while sex should be associated with emotions (in my opinion), the emotional base should mean that sex is okay, and the act of having sex should not be how that emotion is created.
   
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
tk338 Offline
Member
I've been here a while
********
 
tk338's Avatar
 
Gender: Male
Location: UK

Posts: 1,268
Join Date: January 6th 2009

Re: boyfriends "rule" - August 21st 2011, 02:29 AM

See how he feels when you tell him your the reverse rule.

'I won't have sex with a guy until he buys me something expensive... just to make sure he's not with me for my body. After all working for hour and earning money all to buy something for someone shows you're commited.'



How can one love themselves, when they love absolutely nothing?
Do something that is interesting. If it is not interesting, find out why it is not interesting.
   
2 user(s) liked this post or found it helpful.
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
Member
Outside, huh?
**********
 
Sincerely Yours ♥'s Avatar
 

Posts: 3,568
Join Date: July 4th 2010

Re: boyfriends "rule" - August 21st 2011, 08:42 AM

I understand where your boyfriend is coming from, but I don't like his phrasing. It basically sounds like he'd be paying you to have sex with him (although it's not intended that way). I don't think a relationship should be based off money. Gifts don't need to be expensive to matter. My boyfriend's family is very well off with money, whereas my family is having financial issues. Sure, sometimes he pays more or uses more gas for driving than I do, but I make a point to pay for him & drive him around when I can afford it. It's the effort behind it & how I'm trying to make it as even as I possibly can. So, to me, it seems like you're both in the wrong. Of course, that's just me assuming you want expensive gifts, so correct me if it's otherwise.
   
  (#5 (permalink)) Old
bitesize Offline
Member since April '07
Outside, huh?
**********
 
bitesize's Avatar
 
Age: 23
Gender: Female
Location: Ireland.

Posts: 3,765
Join Date: January 7th 2009

Re: boyfriends "rule" - August 21st 2011, 12:51 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by tk338 View Post
See how he feels when you tell him your the reverse rule.

'I won't have sex with a guy until he buys me something expensive... just to make sure he's not with me for my body. After all working for hour and earning money all to buy something for someone shows you're commited.'

Hah I love this. Try this.x


Don't take life too seriously; no one gets out alive anyway.

Reach for the stars so if you fall you land on a cloud ~ Kanye West

Mistakes are minimized by experience and experience is maximised by mistakes.

   
  (#6 (permalink)) Old
Acheron Offline
El Tigre
I can't get enough
*********
 
Acheron's Avatar
 
Age: 24
Gender: Male
Location: Laying traps for troubadours

Posts: 2,108
Join Date: January 6th 2009

Re: boyfriends "rule" - August 21st 2011, 01:05 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by tk338 View Post
See how he feels when you tell him your the reverse rule.

'I won't have sex with a guy until he buys me something expensive... just to make sure he's not with me for my body. After all working for hour and earning money all to buy something for someone shows you're commited.'
Mmh, and his feelings might change during the course of the relationship. Every time they have sex, he should leave 50 on the bedside table before he leaves. You know, just to prove that he's still serious about her.

I don't think that your boyfriend's rule is unreasonable. I'm a big fan of the idea that, until you've had sex a few times with your potential partner, you shouldn't make any kind of commitment. If you place a lot of importance on the sexual side of a relationship, as it sounds like your boyfriend does, then it's a good way to avoid getting entangled in a relationship without sexual compatibility. And investing heavily in a relationship when it isn't serious yet is just needy.



   
1 user(s) liked this post or found it helpful.
  (#7 (permalink)) Old
DanceCommander Offline
Don't Panic
I can't get enough
*********
 
DanceCommander's Avatar
 
Name: Jordan
Age: 23
Gender: Female
Location: United States

Posts: 2,972
Join Date: January 6th 2009

Re: boyfriends "rule" - August 21st 2011, 08:00 PM

I don't see a problem with your boyfriend's rule, I just don't think he went about expressing it the best way he could. It makes since not to invest heavily in a relationship if you aren't expressing some serious level of commitment; besides, he's still already paying for some things on your dates and such, which is still gentlmanly of him. True, he could do a complete one eighty and become a jerk who is just using you for your body, but I don't think that's the case. Give him a chance, especially since he isn't pressuring you to have sex at all. He sounds like a really good guy, it just seems like he made a comment that was a little crass.


"Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?"
"That depends a good deal on where you want to get to."
"I don't much care where-"
"Then it doesn't matter which way you go."

~The Chesire Cat to Alice~
  Send a message via Yahoo to DanceCommander  
  (#8 (permalink)) Old
WillO'Wisp Offline
Member
I've been here a while
********
 
WillO'Wisp's Avatar
 
Gender: Other

Posts: 1,753
Join Date: December 31st 2009

Re: boyfriends "rule" - August 21st 2011, 08:37 PM

If you're not ready to have sex with him just tell him you want to wait until you're comfortable with it, and if he's having trouble controlling himself or can't wait for you then he's not worth it.
   
  (#9 (permalink)) Old
sheltering.sea Offline
Member
Not a n00b
**
 
sheltering.sea's Avatar
 
Name: Onigumo
Gender: ..
Location: ..

Posts: 68
Join Date: February 18th 2009

Re: boyfriends "rule" - August 22nd 2011, 08:04 AM

me and him both have a very hard time controlling our urges and we moved fast already and i feel really bad about it now. What do i do now?



   
  (#10 (permalink)) Old
WillO'Wisp Offline
Member
I've been here a while
********
 
WillO'Wisp's Avatar
 
Gender: Other

Posts: 1,753
Join Date: December 31st 2009

Re: boyfriends "rule" - August 22nd 2011, 06:26 PM

Just try and find other things for you guys to do that you both enjoy to keep your mind off your sexual urges. For example, go for walks, or maybe go on a jog together, do something productive and active that'll be fun.
   
Closed Thread

Bookmarks

Tags
boyfriends, rule

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off





All material copyright 1998-2014, TeenHelp.
Terms | Legal | Privacy | Conduct

Powered by vBulletin®.
Copyright ©2000-2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search engine optimization by vBSEO.
Theme developed in association with vBStyles.