..Online Relationship.. What's Your Opinion?

[KarinaLizeth]

My name is Karina and this is my first post or whatever they're called. I'm still a noob to this website, haha.

So I've been dating a guy online for 10 months and his name is, Jack. We got together on Oct, 10, 2010. He lives in Georgia, USA and I'm in California, USA, so we have a three hour time difference. He's the sweetest man I know, he's patient, kind, loving, understanding, and just EVERYTHING a girl can ask for in a guy. I tell him ALL of my secrets and he never judges me. Sometimes I get mad too easily and blow up in his face :/ but he's always trying to calm me down instead of fight back which is veryyy rare to find in a person. He's freakin hilarious too xD and I love to laugh so I love that about him.


People tell me that Jack and I will never last or make it to become anything. So usually when I talk about Jack and I, I never mention it’s an online relationship, I’d rather not deal with negativity and I ESPECIALLY don’t want to be made fun of for loving someone, online or not. I understand why people feel that way but if there's a chance that Jack and I will one day meet and get married then I won't give up and I won't let go. "When you find the ONE thing that makes you happy, don't let go of it because in this cold world you may never find something like that again," and Jack is the one person that makes me happy. So I'll always be fighting as long as there is a chance for us. I honestly feel like the relationship Jack and I have is better than some real life relationships because with us it’s pure emotion. It’s not about the sex or whatever, we don’t send nudes to eachother and we do cyber but we only cuddle. So I think with us it’s true love and not about sex unlike most online and real life relationships.

Most online relationships (whether its friendship relationship or bf/gf relationship) usually never last long, I myself have never had a constant ongoing relationship. All of my friends that I had never went past eight months of contact. I've easily met over a thousand people and we never seem to click. The conversations start to get dull so we end up getting bored of eachother and ultimately stop talking all-together. Jack is the only person that I've talked to for this long. I've known him for a little over a year but like I said, we've only been dating for 10 months. Our conversations do get dull some days but that usually because I’m depressed or something and don’t engage too much in the conversation. But for the most part our conversations are still as alive as ever. (:

Of course we've had our ups and downs but the downs only seem to have made our relationship stronger. I usually start the problems -.- ... the problems usually start because he can always tell when I'm upset so when he asks what's wrong I sometimes avoid answering because I don't want to talk about it, but Jack gets upset because he wants to know what's wrong so he can make me feel better. It's pretty much always my fault. Something I’m extremely ashamed of is that I’ve said some awful things to him before and those words have hurt him. I wanted to be the one person he can talk to about anything, without being afraid that I’d judge him... I wanted to be the ONE person that would NEVER hurt him because he’s been that person for me, but I ruined it… and it’s too late to take it back now. For example when he was questioning his sexuality I called him a “fag.” I’ve NEVER EVER been against homosexuals or bisexuals or anything, but when MY man told me he might be bi it nearly tore me apart. I was afraid he’d end up disliking women all together. :/ It scared me to death, the thought of losing him was unbearable, I cried for a few days but after he assured me that he only loves ME, I felt better about the situation. I can never take back the thoughtless and cruel words I’ve said to him and I feel like I lost a bit of his respect and even worse some of his love because of my stupidity. I’d do anything to take back the hurt I’ve caused to him because he’s truly a great man and he doesn’t deserve to be treated the way I’ve treated him.

He always makes me happy, just by knowing he's on the other side of the iPod talking to me (we met on the iPod Touch and that's what we mainly communicate on.) I was suicidal when I met him and he literally saved my life just by being there for me, listening to me, helping me, loving me.(: Funny thing is he doesn't even know he saved my life countless times. xD .. I still have suicidal thoughts... but the only reason I haven't done anything is because I want to be with Jack.


The Negatives of Our Relationship

His Mom - She disapproves of online relationships. In the past when his mom found out he was dating online she disconnected all of his accounts and got him in BIG trouble so she's very vigilant on what he does on the computer so he can't add me on Facebook. She doesn't know he uses his iPod touch to communicate with people so that's why we chat on there. If his mom were to find out then that would be the end of us. :/ I'm so afraid that day will come sooner than what we're prepared for. Jack is 18 years old so you'd imagine he can rule his own life right? Well nope... his mom practically raised him his whole life so he has an immense love for her and is very afraid to lose her trust therefore he feels he can't let her know YET, but I'm sure he will soon be able to tell her about us. Also because of his mom he can't use his phone to text or call me, so when he's not home or in range of wifi then he can't talk to me and I'm stuck waiting for him to come back and every hour feels like an eternity. ://

Spending Time Together - This is his first year attending college and it started about three weeks ago. He attends college Monday - Friday from 8am - 4pm, so in my time zone that’s from 5am - 1pm. I wake up at 3:50am just so I can say goodbye to him before he goes. I feel like his college takes a huge chunk of our time :/ he's studying to become a nurse so when he comes home he also has to spend a lot of time studying. In total we only get about 5 hours to talk to eachother, but I cherish every minute I have with him. I don’t attend college nor have a job, partly because I’m afraid of losing more time with Jack. He can always text me to my cellphone if I’m out so I’m not the one that is complicating our time together. When he goes out I can’t text his cell because his mother is vigilant on his phone and like I said before, if she finds out about us then that’s it, that’ll be the end of us. I’m always the one waiting for him to come back home so we can chat and it hurts to wait sometimes. :/ I just wish we had more time together.

Online Jealousy And Other Insecurities - Jack gets jealous of my online friends, matter of fact, he hates them. _._ He says he feels like I have more fun with my friends and is afraid I’ll leave him for one of them, so I usually let it go. When he refuses to join a chatroom with me because he doesn’t want to meet my “asshole, perverted” friends is when I get upset. Sometimes I feel it’s cause he’s embarrassed of me so he makes up excuses for why he won’t join. I also get jealous when I see him talking to an attractive girl :/ Jack is very handsome and I feel like I’m too ugly to be with him so I get afraid he’ll come to realize this and leave me for someone attractive. That’s also another reason for why I’m afraid to meet him in real life, he says I’m beautiful and perfect and this and that, but those are just pictures, people look way different in real life than they do in photos, and I am way uglier in real life. I’ve got to face my fears though if I want to marry Jack and be with him forever, so we are planning on meeting some time next year during summer, when he’s off from college.

So that’s my story. (: I know it wasn’t exactly exciting, haha, butI want to know your opinions on my relationship or if anyone has any questions you are more than welcome to ask me. (: Also, any comments or discussion about dating online in general is more than welcome.Thanks for reading this drag-on story. xD I didn’t share everything because if I did then this would NEVER end so I’ll leave it at that for now and add more onto this post in like the comments or something if people want to know.

[ReluctantPegasister]

I don't think a relationship with someone you've only ever talked to online is plausible. Have you ever skyped him? In these 10 months? He's at college and his mom is that vigilant about what (presumably) her adult son is doing? He doesn't like you having other online friends?

This all spells T-R-O-U-B-L-E to me.

[QuantumModulus]

Maeve is right. A college student who is still dependent on his mother to such a degree, and won't accept that you have other friends, sounds like a bad omen. You say that you've only sent him pictures -- which leads me to presume that he has only sent you pictures. The propensity of people who say they have a particular identity and will send you photos of someone else, is extremely high. Have you two ever video-chatted?

I ask, because I've seen it happen all too often. A friend of mine meets someone else online, but there is always some excuse for him to not be able to chat with you on a video-call...and, of course, that online person is very controlling about others in your life. In nearly every circumstance I've encountered with those qualities, it has resulted in that the other person isn't who they say they are -- either lying about age, gender, identity in general, or any combination thereof. I suggest you find a way to conclusively verify his identity before getting too attached.

[chook14]

My opinion would be that I don't think it sounds particularly healthy. I don't doubt your feelings for your boyfriend, but I just don't see how something that's entirely virtual can make up for real life contact. Do you worry that you'll meet him eventually and he will be completley different from what you were expecting? I don't mean appearance wise, but personality. I think online friendships are great, but as Maeve said, I don't think it's possible to have a fully functioning healthy romantic relationship based entirely over the internet. And to back up Jorge as well, always put your security first!

[Snufkin]

I'm not so much concerned about the relationship as I am about you. You say the only reason you haven't acted upon suicidal thoughts is because of him. A relationship should add to your happiness, but it shouldn't be the sole source of it. You should also be making an effort to deal with this depression of yours, because it will always be present if you don't address it. That can do more to harm a relationship than distance ever can.

As for online relationships themselves, they can work, of course they can. They're not for me, but if they work for you and make you happy, then all the power to you. I don't know how you can cope without a physical hug and a kiss. There's much to be said about the physical presence.

[KarinaLizeth]

Well he still lives at home with his mother, he doesn't live in the dorms of the college so he's around her pretty much most of the time. And I agree 100% on how someone can fake to be another person. Sad thing is I've known him the longest yet he's the only person I haven't been able to verify if he's real or not. It's always some excuse.. he says he has to upload his pictures onto facebook and that's where he shows me his pictures which is VERY suspicious to me. He says his mom checks his facebook so he cant take any pictures with signs on them because his mom will find out and get him in trouble and it'll be the end of us. I know of some parents that are very controlling so I sort of believe him. We can't video chat because it involves the computer and it's a family computer so he has no privacy on that. Our ipods don't have cameras so it's not possible to video chat on that either.

Every person I've suspected to be fake I've asked to add them on fb for verification or a picture with a sign yet with Jack it's always an excuse. As a matter of fact I asked Jack last week for verification yet it was another excuse. I love him too much to let him go though :/ Saddest and most perverse thing of all is that I'm pretty sure I'll still love him even if he is fake..

Snufkin - I'm already attending therapy for my depression and it really is helping. As for the lack of physical contact, that takes a toll on our relationship be we always look toward the future of when we will finally be able to do that. Jack is the main thing thats keeping me alive I guess, but there are other reasons. Just not ones that are as strong to me as Jack.

[Le bonheur*]

I'm sorry but this story just seems very fishy to me. Well not the story itself, but the guy. If he's not willing to show you who he is, doesn't that set off some kind of warning to you? That he's hiding something? I hope he's not but I know that would make me feel very suspicious towards him. That's just my opinion though... Good luck.

[KarinaLizeth]

Yes, like I said I've been and still am suspicious of him. So I won't stop asking him for proof but I won't pester him for it either. I've only asked him for proof three times and that was all within the last two months. I blame myself for not asking for proof earlier on so I agree with all of you on how fishy it is and I KNOW I need to get proof before I actually meet him. I might be stupid for not asking for proof earlier on, but I'm not stupid enough to meet him without that proof.

[Le bonheur*]

Originally Posted by KarinaLizeth

Yes, like I said I've been and still am suspicious of him. So I won't stop asking him for proof but I won't pester him for it either. I've only asked him for proof three times and that was all within the last two months. I blame myself for not asking for proof earlier on so I agree with all of you on how fishy it is and I KNOW I need to get proof before I actually meet him. I might be stupid for not asking for proof earlier on, but I'm not stupid enough to meet him without that proof.

I'm glad you realize that. And I'm sorry if I offended you, it seems as though I did. I didn't mean to

[KarinaLizeth]

Oh gosh no you didn't offend me. I'm sorry if I made it seem that way. I respect all opinions about this topic and I agree completely with what you said.(: Your comment didn't offend or upset me in anyway. I'm more a little upset at myself for not verifying Jack's identity earlier.

[Le bonheur*]

Originally Posted by KarinaLizeth

Oh gosh no you didn't offend me. I'm sorry if I made it seem that way. I respect all opinions about this topic and I agree completely with what you said.(: Your comment didn't offend or upset me in anyway. I'm more a little upset at myself for not verifying Jack's identity earlier.

Oh okay Well whatever you decide to do, I wish you luck. If you ever need further help, or want to chat, feel free to message me

[sunshinestateofmind]

i know how you feel about the whole online relationship ive been with my boyfriend josh 11 months and everytime i ask him to prove to me hes real nothing ever seems to work out right or anything... i cant loose him either so honestly i dont know what to do.

[iHEAVENn]

It's always some excuse.. he says he has to upload his pictures onto facebook and that's where he shows me his pictures which is VERY suspicious to me. He says his mom checks his facebook so he cant take any pictures with signs on them because his mom will find out and get him in trouble and it'll be the end of us.

RUN.

Online relationships CAN work. I met my husband online, and we were just friends for about a year. We eventually started talking when something bad happened, he was there for me. He gave me his phone number, Any time I needed to talk, he answered his phone. He called me constantly making sure I was okay. Then after a few weeks of talking on the phone we decided to 'date' Five years later, we've been married for four and a half years, it's been hard but he sticks by me and showed me just how much he cares about me when I was seriously ill and had to be hospitalized this year.

With that being said, if your guy is not willing to show you proof of who he is, then there is no future... You're young, and you should not be placing your entire life in some one who can not simply upload a picture with a simple sign proving he is who he claims to be.

[Venenum]

Online relationships? NO.

It's a bad idea. I would say the same about dating sites too.

[KarinaLizeth]

Originally Posted by sunshinestateofmind

i know how you feel about the whole online relationship ive been with my boyfriend josh 11 months and everytime i ask him to prove to me hes real nothing ever seems to work out right or anything... i cant loose him either so honestly i dont know what to do.

Bleh this sux :// I wish Jack would just man up and tell his mother about me. Cause all of his excuses involve his mother. He's a huge momma's boy and I know some guys that have dumped their gfs cause of their mothers. Which only scares me cause if we meet then it seems like if his mom doesn't like me that he'll leave me. :// Whats your bf's excuses?? Jack's most recent excuse is if he takes a picture with a sign then his mom will get suspicious and find out the truth, since he has to upload the photos onto facebook his friends might see and he's afraid they will make fun of him because they made fun of his other friend for putting a pic with a sign. Jack gets REALLY upset when someone calls him a "dumbass" yet that word gets thrown around all the time. But something about that word sets him off and his friends were calling the other friend that put a sign up a dumbass. So i believe that he really wouldn't be able to handle his own "friends" making fun of him.

[Snufkin]

If only Facebook wasn't the only place to upload photos online.

[KarinaLizeth]

Originally Posted by iHEAVENn

RUN.

Online relationships CAN work. I met my husband online, and we were just friends for about a year. We eventually started talking when something bad happened, he was there for me. He gave me his phone number, Any time I needed to talk, he answered his phone. He called me constantly making sure I was okay. Then after a few weeks of talking on the phone we decided to 'date' Five years later, we've been married for four and a half years, it's been hard but he sticks by me and showed me just how much he cares about me when I was seriously ill and had to be hospitalized this year.

With that being said, if your guy is not willing to show you proof of who he is, then there is no future... You're young, and you should not be placing your entire life in some one who can not simply upload a picture with a simple sign proving he is who he claims to be.

Wow, your story boosted my hope. Congratulations on finding love(: and I hope all is well with your health now. I agree with you 100% I need to see proof so I won't stop asking him for it. It's a little too late to not be investing myself in Jack because I already love him .. but even with that I won't agree to meet him until he shows me proof. Honestly, after the first time I asked him for proof and was provided with none it set off some big alarms. I like I said before, I blame myself for not asking for proof earlier. :/ I really do hope he's real though cause I've never met someone like him.

Originally Posted by Snufkin

If only Facebook wasn't the only place to upload photos online.

Sounds like sarcasm but he uploads his pictures from his phone. If he sends the photo to any email his mom can see that because she pays his phone bill. And on the bill she can see what numbers/emails have been contacted. So he could get caught if he emailes me pictures. And his phone only connects to facebook. He said he would rather not risk getting caught because he doesn't want to lose me so I agreed to that. But that just means I'm going to try to find a different way for him to prove it and not give up entirely.

[PSY]

A lot of people have vocalized their concerns about the practicality of online relationships, faking one's identity, and your current state of mental health. I don't want to be repetitive, so here's something else I'm hoping you'll take to heart.

It is NOT healthy to spend five hours a day on a computer (or iPod Touch, or any other electronic device) waiting to talk to someone. Now, I understand that he's busy with school/homework and you want to be available to him whenever he has a free moment... but what about your own life? I've been in a long-distance relationship before, and while it may not be the same thing as an online relationship, we came to an understanding early on that we wouldn't sacrifice our individual lives for each other. A spent 1-2 hours per day on the phone with my boyfriend... and that is a LOT compared to most people in long-distance relationships, let alone "normal" relationships. So the fact that you're trying to get 5 hours of uninterrupted time in with your boyfriend every day, and you're STILL not happy with that amount of time, is concerning to me.

I think you need to create a more enriching life outside of this relationship. 1) It will help with your depression. 2) It will help take your mind off of how badly you miss Jack. 3) It will help you cope more effectively if it turns out Jack is a "fake". 4) It will help your self-esteem, which in turn will help your relationship. I know you're not going to school and you don't have a job, but what's to stop you from filling up your day with other activities? Get out of the house and join some organizations, develop new hobbies, meet new people (in person, not online), keep looking for therapy groups and potential jobs, etc. I would also tell Jack to pick a time frame that works for the both of you, but one that is shorter than 5 hours... aim for 1-1.5 hours, or 2 hours if you have a lot to talk about/you're having a particularly stressful day.

[KarinaLizeth]

Originally Posted by PSY

A lot of people have vocalized their concerns about the practicality of online relationships, faking one's identity, and your current state of mental health. I don't want to be repetitive, so here's something else I'm hoping you'll take to heart.

It is NOT healthy to spend five hours a day on a computer (or iPod Touch, or any other electronic device) waiting to talk to someone. Now, I understand that he's busy with school/homework and you want to be available to him whenever he has a free moment... but what about your own life? I've been in a long-distance relationship before, and while it may not be the same thing as an online relationship, we came to an understanding early on that we wouldn't sacrifice our individual lives for each other. A spent 1-2 hours per day on the phone with my boyfriend... and that is a LOT compared to most people in long-distance relationships, let alone "normal" relationships. So the fact that you're trying to get 5 hours of uninterrupted time in with your boyfriend every day, and you're STILL not happy with that amount of time, is concerning to me.

I think you need to create a more enriching life outside of this relationship. 1) It will help with your depression. 2) It will help take your mind off of how badly you miss Jack. 3) It will help you cope more effectively if it turns out Jack is a "fake". 4) It will help your self-esteem, which in turn will help your relationship. I know you're not going to school and you don't have a job, but what's to stop you from filling up your day with other activities? Get out of the house and join some organizations, develop new hobbies, meet new people (in person, not online), keep looking for therapy groups and potential jobs, etc. I would also tell Jack to pick a time frame that works for the both of you, but one that is shorter than 5 hours... aim for 1-1.5 hours, or 2 hours if you have a lot to talk about/you're having a particularly stressful day.

I understand what you mean about the time together but you have to understand that we used to talk for waaay longer. That was when he was in highschool not summer. So I'm used to spending a lot of time with him. You're right about how spending too much of my time on the comp/iPod is not healthy, but I do go out. I said I don't have a job or go to school though.:/ I said when I'm out he can text me so he's the one that determines our time together. Just yesterday he told me he's going to a party this saturday from 4pm - 11pm, I told him he should go. He said "I don't want to go! That's eight hours away from you!" and when I kept insisting he go yet he still refused I told him "well, you don't have to go the full eight hours.. you can go late or come home early, but you should go!" He still wasn't too happy but I'm pretty sure he'll go now. So it's not like I'm trying to hold back his life or anything.

Hmmm.. you're right. I need to do something that will keep me busy on a daily basis so I'll have something stable to look forward to rather than waiting all day. I would love to volunteer at an animal shelter in the mornings while Jack is in college so I think I'll definitely look into that. I'm already looking forward to that!!(:

[dancinfool]

I agree that the level of dependence is slightly worrying.. I would bet that the vast majority of couples who live together don't talk for 5 hours a day, every day. It's really important for you to go to college, or get a job, and have your own life; whether or not he is fake. Just because you used to talk for longer doesn't make it healthy =S

As for the identity, surely he can go to an internet cafe and skype you once in a while? Or even just once? If you spend 5 hours talking to each other then he can easily go out one of those times in order to find an internet cafe. Don't accept excuses!

You mentioned meeting up.. Plan this sooner rather than later; if he's serious and genuine then making plans shouldn't be an issue.

[Fairy Poppins]

What would you do if you discovered Jack was actually a 40 year-old married man and the reason why he couldn't disclose his location in pictures is because his wife will find out that he is chatting up 18 year-old girls online?

Just a thought. Here's how I came up with it...

The fact that he always tries to calm you down rather than fight back is a sign of great maturity. I'm not saying an 18 year-old can't have that level of maturity, but it does ring alarm bells for me about his real age.

You say Jack gets upset when you don't tell him what's wrong because he can't make you feel better. Now 18 year-old boys can be that persistent, but all the ones I've met will just shrug it off after a while. Again, a sign of maturity and care that is usually present in much older guys.

The issues with his mom... well, if you read it again, it could easily be issues with his wife.

The fact that he hates your online friends because he feels like you have more fun with them is also a warning sign. If he was the same age as you, it's likely that he'd want to get involved and meet these friends of yours. I know that my boyfriend has never had a problem with me having other friends and has never worried about me having more fun with them. This leads me to think that the reason he doesn't like you talking to them is because he is worried you will spend less time talking to him and may even start dating one of them (hence why he deems them 'perverted assholes').

I don't think he avoids joining in because he is embarrassed of you. These handsome pictures he's shown you - how do you know it is him? And if he's so amazing looks-wise, why is he finding girls online when I imagine he has girls throwing themselves at him in real life?

Now, I'm not trying to say he is definitely a fraud, but I wouldn't pin all your hopes and dreams on him. As Robyn said, you need to have more positive things going on in your life and more reasons to live other than Jack, just in case he does turn out to be a fake.

I really really hope for your sake that he is real. But I'm afraid my instinct is telling me you should tread very carefully.

[KarinaLizeth]

Originally Posted by JazzyJazz

What would you do if you discovered Jack was actually a 40 year-old married man and the reason why he couldn't disclose his location in pictures is because his wife will find out that he is chatting up 18 year-old girls online?

Just a thought. Here's how I came up with it...

The fact that he always tries to calm you down rather than fight back is a sign of great maturity. I'm not saying an 18 year-old can't have that level of maturity, but it does ring alarm bells for me about his real age.

You say Jack gets upset when you don't tell him what's wrong because he can't make you feel better. Now 18 year-old boys can be that persistent, but all the ones I've met will just shrug it off after a while. Again, a sign of maturity and care that is usually present in much older guys.

The issues with his mom... well, if you read it again, it could easily be issues with his wife.

The fact that he hates your online friends because he feels like you have more fun with them is also a warning sign. If he was the same age as you, it's likely that he'd want to get involved and meet these friends of yours. I know that my boyfriend has never had a problem with me having other friends and has never worried about me having more fun with them. This leads me to think that the reason he doesn't like you talking to them is because he is worried you will spend less time talking to him and may even start dating one of them (hence why he deems them 'perverted assholes').

I don't think he avoids joining in because he is embarrassed of you. These handsome pictures he's shown you - how do you know it is him? And if he's so amazing looks-wise, why is he finding girls online when I imagine he has girls throwing themselves at him in real life?

Now, I'm not trying to say he is definitely a fraud, but I wouldn't pin all your hopes and dreams on him. As Robyn said, you need to have more positive things going on in your life and more reasons to live other than Jack, just in case he does turn out to be a fake.

I really really hope for your sake that he is real. But I'm afraid my instinct is telling me you should tread very carefully.

I've actually run that possibility many, many times over in my head. The thing is that Jack isn't just my boyfriend, he really is my bestfriend too. This might sound strange to some of you but I have met and befriended many people 40+ years of age. Most even have kids that are my age!! lol So it's not like it would be awkward. OF COURSE I WILL NOT be with him if it turns out he's a married 40yr old but I would still try to keep that bestfriend relationship between him and I.. Yes, unfortunately, I would most likely still love him. It might be completely perverse but it's the truth. Like I said, Jack helps me just by listening to me and being there for me and he does it in a unique way that no one else I've met before has been able to compare to, so I still want him in my life even if he does end up being fake. Of course it would be weird as hell if he was 40+ yr old and dating/talking to 18yr olds, but I don't think that's the case.

Fake?.. most likely
40+ yr old?.. highly doubt it

[Fairy Poppins]

I guess as long as you are prepared for that eventuality and won't commit suicide over it, then we have no reason to be overly-concerned about you.

But please get help with your depression, because it's not right that there's only him standing between you and death.

[Daydreamer]

Hey there!

I don't want to repeat things that have already been said, and you seem really aware of the risks and possibilities and are able to listen to the advice of the people on here and I think that's great! It sounds like a tough situation and I'm sorry you're in it. This situation rings some warning bells with me, but I have met people with parents like that. Is it possible the sign could be something meaningful just to you? Like, have him take a picture wearing a red shirt waving? Or thumbs up. Or with a specific one of his friends throwing a peace sign? Something that seems random, but you and he know is a picture taken as proof. (obviously something that isn't too easy to fake)

I wish you the best!
-Megan

[KarinaLizeth]

Originally Posted by Daydreamer

Hey there!

I don't want to repeat things that have already been said, and you seem really aware of the risks and possibilities and are able to listen to the advice of the people on here and I think that's great! It sounds like a tough situation and I'm sorry you're in it. This situation rings some warning bells with me, but I have met people with parents like that. Is it possible the sign could be something meaningful just to you? Like, have him take a picture wearing a red shirt waving? Or thumbs up. Or with a specific one of his friends throwing a peace sign? Something that seems random, but you and he know is a picture taken as proof. (obviously something that isn't too easy to fake)

I wish you the best!
-Megan

AH!! ohmygoodness! Duh, Karina! *facepalm* I thought of that before but completely forgot about it until you just reminded me!!! Genius!! Thank you so much lol. Now I just have to think of something that can't be faked.. hmm.. I think I'll tell him to do the sign for K in sign language. Almost looks like a peace sign but it's a little different haha. Sound good?(:

[PSY]

Yeah, sounds good to me. =) You could also ask him what his favorite graphic t-shirt looks like, then ask him to take a picture of himself wearing it. Make sure it's not too generic, ex. the name of a band.

[roller♥coaster]

I just have to throw my two cents into this. I think I have a basis to do so.

I was in an online relationship for two whole years; I now consider myself in a long distance relationship because my boyfriend flew across an ocean and some land mass to spend three weeks with me just this summer. We met on Youtube, of all places, and after a year of conversing as friends, we found that we had feelings for each other. I only saw a few pictures of him prior to romantic involvement, and in order to verify his identity, I asked for pictures and/or videos, both of which he gave me without much resistance. Over time, we started video chatting on Skype, and our parents got involved when we started discussing a meeting. Fast forward to July 15, 2011 and he was getting off of a plane and hugging me tightly in the company of my mother, who was present just to make sure I was safe. I am now planning to visit him at his home in Croatia next summer. The moral of the story? Online relationships aren't always bad!

HOWEVER, I certainly have to reiterate what others here are saying. This particular guy seems shady. He is 18 years old, and there is absolutely no excuse for not being able to send just one picture to verify his identity to you. If he won't give you a picture with a sign that you recognize this time, please try to get yourself away from this situation. Even if his excuses are legitimate, and he really is who he says he is, his mother's involvement and such sound like bad news to me.

Be safe. Take care. Good luck.