Relationships making it through uni?

[Fairy Poppins]

So. I'm in a relationship and whilst it is fairly new and it is a whole year 'til I go to uni, I was just wondering the following...

Do you think relationships can last university when one of you is there and the other isn't?

Does it require a ridiculous amount of effort to maintain the relationship?

Whilst I'm happy to make some effort, I don't want my studies to suffer due to a relationship. After all, that's the whole reason I'm going to uni in the first place - to do well academically.

Have any of you been in a relationship before you went to uni and finished it whilst there? Or are you someone who managed to make it work despite the distance and academic commitment?

Lot's of '?' marks I know, but I would be interested to hear your experiences.

J. x

[L'espoir]

I havve moved this threaad to r&d as requested y

[semiunbalanced]

Hey(: So my girlfriend and I have been together for about 6 months(ish) and she is still in High School while I'm starting my first year at a university. I'm guessing since you said distance you'll be traveling far. I'm staying local luckily but I am sure that it can still work out for you. No, you don't want it to effect your studies but depending on the distance you can take a train or fly back home every so often to see your special someone. [: Study on the train or the airplane. (: I don't think the relationship will suffer too much from going to separate schools. People do it all the time. Just make sure that you communicate. Relationships can last through this type of stuff and they do often without tons of effort. You just have to be open to communicate. That doesn't mean you need to ALWAYS be texting or on the phone. That just means that every so often you should pick up the phone or send a letter letting them know you're still thinking of them despite your studies. I'm sure you guys will work out. Best of luck! (:

[tk338]

Never tried it but I've got a lot of friends in and out (finished) of uni.

Some last, some don't you can't say for sure. Distance does complicate things as does the fact you're around a lot more people your age.

If you've got what it takes as a couple to make it through your life, you'll have what it takes to go through uni. Or maybe you'll find it does interrupt with your studies? Personally if I went to uni I'd focus on uni itself. Its a LOT of money spent and to potentially waste it because of a relationship is a very expensive mistake to make.

I see you're from the UK, if it s year till you go, you'll be paying the higher fees, correct, a 3 year lot of course fees will set you back £27k? Depending on what uni you go to. Just remember this, it IS only payable by what you earn etc etc, but its still debt and a LOT of it!!! I'm by no means saying don't go, but just if you're going to go make sure you're 100% focused

Anyways yeah you're original question, only time can tell and how you two are as a couple but all the best for the future

[Fairy Poppins]

Hey, thanks for your responses.

tk338, I appreciate your financial concern. Thankfully, however, my degree is in Paediatric Nursing and will be paid for by someone else (can't remember if it's the government, or NHS, etc). So that will save me from accumulating a huge debt.

Kimmi, it is quite a long way, but not unfeasible in terms of traveling to and from the different cities. I would have to take a train, or he would have to ride his motorbike.

Thinking about it, I think my main concern is not the physical distance, but how far apart our worlds will be. From what I can gather, uni is like a different world. You make new friends and hang out with them there, you study there, you sleep there, you do your hobbies/sports there. It all happens at uni. I really want to take advantage of all that uni has to offer and I don't want my boyfriend getting upset because I can only see him once a week or whatever.

I guess I will just have to explain it all to him before I go.

Did any of you find that your significant other became jealous of your new life at uni?

J. x

[bitesize]

It's a little different for me because most of the peers I grew up with go to college (uni) in Dublin anyway, as it's the capital city, so I don't have much experience distance-wise. But I think it depends on your relationship before the transition and how often you see each other beforehand. I was in a long-term relationship a couple of years ago where we were used to see ing each other every day at school together, about six or seven days a week in total. Then we both went to different colleges and things began to fall apart because we were seeing each other a lot less than we'd previously been used to. (Didn't help that he was shite at keeping in contact over text and facebook.) And I got very jealous of his college life ~ I was stuck in a very big and lonely college course where it was horribly hard to make friends and he was in a small one where he made friends very fast and they were out doing stuff together all the time. I think you have to accept that going to university is a huge experience which will probably change you as a person, and if you're open to this fact it'll make things easier on your relationship. Don't expect things to stay the same and find it hard to cope when they don't!! It helps that you have so much time to prepare for this; I would talk to your boyfriend about the changes that will probably happen. But if you make an effort to stay in contact and to be supportive of the relationship ~ if he makes the conscious decision to understand that you have to spend plety of time studying, etc, then things will have a much better chance of working out ok (: x

[reaching]

My boyfriend is two years older than I am, and he's starting university this year while I am in grade 12. He's never lived locally, but our cottages are on the same lake, so distance during the school year isnt anything new for us. He's moving to a new city thats bit closer to where I live into an apartment with a couple of his friends. I know and like his friends, so it wont be a problem with me coming to visit or anything. I do worry about it a little though. I mean, how can I compete with university girls? But I completely trust him. I know that were going to be able to make this work.

[PlayingPretend]

I don't think my partner has ever had an issue with my university, and has actually encouraged me numerous times to consider opportunities I may initially shy away at, such as mustering up the courage to go talk to someone or to engage more in group discussions and take more of an active part in meeting people. I won't say there have never been insecurities about some things, but these have all been quickly eliminated and have never really posed much of a problem.

He's also very aware that my academics come first and foremost. I have been honest with him before that there are likely to be times where I don't have as much time as I used to/do now. For example, doing a field study, working on my thesis, being in grad school, etc.; he's aware it's all going to keep me busy, not so busy we can't talk, but busy enough so that it's not at a point I can hop on MSN whenever. Work will eventually be a factor, too.

As far as visits, well, we're long-distance by quite a stretch of it, so our/my plan is to visit on school holidays until something else can be worked out or arranged.

And this is coming from someone who does very well in school, so yes, it's possible to manage both.

[tamz]

It totally depends on you. I have bad experiences of relationships at university but that had more to do with us as a couple, not because of the actual uni situation. You definitely want to get involved with things at university but it is possible to do both. It can make the time you DO see each other that extra bit special as you won't be able to take each other for granted. I think communication is the major key with relationships like this, just keep talking to each other, even if it's a quick text before you go to bed or something. And if you think about it, you guys will have been together over a year by the time you head off to uni. That's quite a long time for someone our age. If you can't make it through university together, you're obviously not meant to be. And if you are meant to be, you'll find a way

[Fairy Poppins]

Thank you for your responses. They have really helped.