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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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Boyfriend-Stealers - March 17th 2009, 08:05 PM

Sorry if this is really long, but there are a lot of detailsÖ Let me start off by saying that I am incredibly shy, and because of that, when I like a boy, I have a very hard time doing anything about it. Last year I really, really liked one of my guy friends. I told one of my girl friends about it, and she volunteered to ďtalkĒ to him for me. To make a long story short, THEY ended up going out. I was crushed and angry, but I eventually moved on. Now, this year, I have grown very close to my best guy friend. A while ago, someone told me he liked me, and then he asked me to prom, so at that time I started liking him. The thing is half the time Iím head-over-heels for how sweet he is, but the other half of the time, I change my mind because sometimes he can be a bit socially awkward. I care about him so much, though. Iíve been thinking about this constantly and trying to make a final decision about how I feel, so I guess you could say Iíve just been on standby, taking my time to assess the situation. But, of course, just yesterday, the same girl who stole my previous crush suddenly tells me that she and the boy I like kissed. She described the situation to me, and it seems as though she seduced him. She told me sheís tired of being single and misses kissing boys. That was the reason. Now she tells me that she is in the same situation as I described, where she doesnít know if she likes him or not. And HE doesnít know if he even likes her either. She told me that now theyíre going to ďtest outĒ the relationship and see if itís something they want. What bothers me so much is that I know like him more than she does. Her motives are not benign, and she is just being selfish, and taking advantage of this poor boy who has never been in this sort of situation before and probably doesnít know what heís getting himself into. He apparently told her that he likes me as a really good friend, which is a slap in the face for me, because this entire time, everyone, including all of my friends, was convinced that he liked me. I would just like to add that I am a senior in high school, I have never had a boyfriend, and I have never been kissed. Finding out he doesnít like me isnít even the worst part. If heís happy with someone else, Iíll be happy for him. Itís that this girl (who has already had several boyfriends) keeps randomly popping up in all of my romantic situations and ruining everything, even when I liked the guy first. She makes it sound like she doesnít try to do it, and that itís out of her control because she canít stand being single for a moment. Throughout my entire high school career, this girl has consistently stolen boys from me even when she knows I like them, and has robbed me of all hope of having a boyfriend in the near future. I am so unbelievably angry, I am feeling so alone and sick of being unloved, and I donít know what to do. What should I say to her? I know I need to tell her something because what she keeps doing is just ridiculous.
Thanks for reading this.
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Re: Boyfriend-Stealers - March 17th 2009, 10:35 PM

I'll say this right at the start. What this girl is doing makes me angry, so my opinions on what you should do may be radical compared to what others may think..

There are a couple ways I can see to go around this. The first, which I would do in your situation, is talk to the boy, talk to him about what the girl's intentions are with him and why she kissed him. Let him know that she's not even really sure that she likes him, she just misses having a boy to be with and is pretty much jumping at whatever she can get. (At this point, you could also be sneaky and slip in a casual "I like you much more than she does" if you wish :P )
After that, I would definitely talk with the girl. From what you've said, it seems like she didn't even really know the boy, and she just kinda kissed him out of nowhere in hopes of getting him (Can see why she's gone through so many boys!). As you said, the poor boy is probably confused and hasn't been in a situation like this, and sadly, most boys will go with whatever makes them feel better right then, and not what's better for later.
You may need to point this out to the boy, really. I hate seeing anyone being used like that - just a quick kiss, a quick fix because the other person misses it. It has almost nothing to do with the person, just the action... most people don't realize it until it's too late, so please help out the poor boy.
If you really like him more, now is your chance.
And do NOT be shy! If you care about him, you need to talk with him. If he gets involved with this girl, I'd give it about 99% that it won't last long. Huge chance to show you really care for him, do it for him, not just for you. Although the rewards for you may be great (don't manipulate him though!)

That's all I really have for now, I can't say much more without more info.
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Re: Boyfriend-Stealers - March 17th 2009, 10:37 PM

I honestly think some people just like having the power to take someone away from someone else. It's happened to me a few times, too. Try talking to her about what she's been doing. Obviously she'll deny it at first, but I think if you explain to her how much you like this guy, and remind her about the last time she dated the guy you liked, she might back off of this one.
As for the guy, if you think there's a chance that he likes you (and it sounds like there is) keep trying! especially is he doesn't know if he likes the other girl. But once he makes up his mind, you'll know what to do. If he doesn't like you, back off. You don't want him to think you're desperate, and it might just annoy him. ut for now, keep trying, don't give up yet!
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Re: Boyfriend-Stealers - March 18th 2009, 02:22 AM

My best friend Amy used to do this to me ALL the time, it got so annoying. So eventually I just had to stop telling her the people I liked and then for me, it all worked out.

Don't let your friend win. If you feel like there's something between you and your guy friend, keep at it. Don't let her win.


x See the trick is that you're never supposed to act on it
No matter how unbearable this misery gets x
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Re: Boyfriend-Stealers - March 18th 2009, 04:22 AM

Isn't there a girl code? You know, just like the guy code but more feminine? lol . But seriously if this girl is taking every guy that you've liked over the past years willingly that wouldn't be considered friend material to me anymore. In my opinion you need to sit this girl down and let her know to stop f***ing with your life and find her own guys to mess with (of course those are my words, you fill them in with yours )

Sorry if it is a little straightforward, but it happened to me a while back with a "friend" . Needless to say we're no longer friends.
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Re: Boyfriend-Stealers - March 18th 2009, 04:31 AM

This may not be thought of as good advice by most, but...

Alright, so you've got a huge advantage here. You're his friend, the chick that he can have fun with and mess around with. What is she? The girlfriend. She hasn't been his friend first, so he's not going to have that same comfort level at all with her that he will with you. He's got to look good around her, he's got to make a good impression. Around YOU, he can relax. Make SURE he has fun with you and feels like he can be himself. Be subtly sexy, but don't throw yourself at him. Don't act like you're down-trodden--tell them they're a cute couple, and you're happy for them. This girl doesn't sound like someone that will NOT last long in a relationship. Don't be a boyfriend stealer yourself, though. They're going to break it off at some point, and when they do, you're going to be that cool chick that's been there for him the whole time.

If all else fails, you can at least make your friend get insecure, being a chick that he hangs out with a lot. Admittedly, I used to do this with my guy-friend's girlfriend just for fun. Like, me and him would miss school on the same day, and I'd be like "Isn't that weird...? ;]" And she would jokingly say "wow, I might think there's something going on with you two..." and I would just laugh.
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