Okay, I'll say it. I think I want to break up with my girlfriend.

[Maiden]

My girlfriend and I have been together a total of almost three years. We got together in August 2008 and were together for two years before she dumped me. In November last year, after four months of being apart, we got back together but I'm not sure that was the right decision.

I'm just not feeling it with her. There's no connection or spark. We barely ever have sex and I don't even feel comfortable hugging her. I don't know why, I just don't, it feels really wrong to me. We fight all the time and we have really different worldviews and values. I know we're not soul mates and that we just make each other unhappy. I know all this, but at the same time I'm still kind of unsure, because I know if I break up with her, I'll never get another chance. But then, I don't even know if I want another chance. To be honest, I was pretty happy when we were broken up, once I got over it.

The other problem is that she has a history of depression. For the majority of our relationship previously, she was depressed. In the end, it drove me away and I ended up cheating on her and resenting her because she was always so focused on herself, and that's what ended our relationship the first time. The other day when we were arguing I said to her that maybe we needed to take a break, at least until the end of the year (as everything is quite stressful for both of us with university at the moment) but she kinda freaked out and pretty much said that if I did that, she'd go back to being depressed and it'd be my fault.

I think her exact words were "Well, that would be the opposite of what would help me" (referring to her feeling like she's getting depressed again). The only response I could think of was "well, there's two people in this relationship".... I feel like it's all about her and what's going to help her, and it always has been. I feel selfish saying it but what about me? Do my feelings matter or do only hers matter, because she gets depression constantly?

[Ambiance]

Unfortunately, it is difficult being in a relationship with someone who experiences depression, when you don't (possibly, it would be more difficult if you both did). So, I don't think it sounds like you want to be with her; if you guys even had good chemistry, just, you'd be having sex all the time. That's gotta be representative of something. If you still really loved her, you'd want to hug her and be cuddly and junk, right?

Sit down with her, and explain that you do care for her as a person, but that the relationship just doesn't feel "right" anymore. Spare the details unless she insists; and if she does, sugarcoat it. Be there for her, let her cry, and tell a close friend or family member of her's so that someone's watching over her and making sure she doesn't do anything drastic.

[Aletheia*]

Ultimately, the decision is up to you. If you know you're both becoming unhappy because of the relationship, it's not fair to either of you to stick around and just watch your relationship crumble before your eyes.

I know the thought of losing someone is hard, but you need to make the right choice for yourself, your happiness and for the other party involved.