Non-PG13: Out of control

[RachelLUV]

Im relapsing on anorexia. I cant fight it this time. I have been fighting it for almost 2 years now. Im a Junior in high school. My boyfriend and i have been dating for about 5 months now and its been clear since the beginning that we love each other. He wouldnt be with me right now if he didnt love me. I have put him through quite a bit of sh*t and he has stuck with me through it all.

Now here is the problem... he loves me and thinks im beautiful as i am. Im a 34 DD, a size 5, and have amazing legs(according to my friends). Im perfectly fine with the way i look. I think that im pretty and i have a decent body. For me anorexia is more about the control it gives me and its not about being thin. Whenever my boyfriend sees really thin girls, he talks about how gross they look. It really bothers me. Im afraid that hell love me less if i start to drop a lot of weight and that if i become really thin hell think my body is gross and then our sex life will no longer exist.

I feel like im being a bit over dramatic because i know hell love me no matter what i look like but i still have that doubt. Im afraid of what hell think of me. Im afraid he wont look at me the same way. I also really dont want to hurt him. If i end up hospitalized again hell be really sad and i cant stand seeing him sad.

HELP!! I just really dont know how he will act if he notices a dramatic weight loss. I dont want him to break up with me for this and i dont want to hurt him, but..... I cant fight it anymore Anorexia has trying to pull me back for 2 years and im at the point where im just to tired to resist.

I dont want to hurt him... i love him sooooo much.

[HeartofanAngel]

Originally Posted by RachelLUV

Im relapsing on anorexia. I cant fight it this time. I have been fighting it for almost 2 years now. Im a Junior in high school. My boyfriend and i have been dating for about 5 months now and its been clear since the beginning that we love each other. He wouldnt be with me right now if he didnt love me. I have put him through quite a bit of sh*t and he has stuck with me through it all.

First off sweetheart, if you are struggling with anorexia that much then you need to get help from either your parents or another adult you can trust because your health is the most important thing. I'm very glad to hear you and your boyfriend seem to have deep affection for one another and are willing to brace through tough times together.

Originally Posted by RachelLUV

Now here is the problem... he loves me and thinks im beautiful as i am. Im a 34 DD, a size 5, and have amazing legs(according to my friends). Im perfectly fine with the way i look. I think that im pretty and i have a decent body. For me anorexia is more about the control it gives me and its not about being thin. Whenever my boyfriend sees really thin girls, he talks about how gross they look. It really bothers me. Im afraid that hell love me less if i start to drop a lot of weight and that if i become really thin hell think my body is gross and then our sex life will no longer exist.

My dear physical beauty should never be the support beam to any relationship. Many humans are attracted to many different physical qualities throughout the world and if you're boyfriend truly loves you, then he will not stray from you because of your looks. With being said, I still strongly suggest getting help with your anorexia because that will cause the most damage if you don't seek aid for it. I see girls everyday who are frighteningly thin and it simply breaks my heart that girls today are so pressured into society's illusion of the perfect looking woman. Please don't let yourself become like that my dear.

Originally Posted by RachelLUV

I feel like im being a bit over dramatic because i know hell love me no matter what i look like but i still have that doubt. Im afraid of what hell think of me. Im afraid he wont look at me the same way. I also really dont want to hurt him. If i end up hospitalized again hell be really sad and i cant stand seeing him sad.

I agree that your concerns are not where they should be. If he loves you truly then he will want nothing more than to help and support you till you're back to health once again. Do not worry about the problems in your relationship. Those are just branching concerns off the one main issue of your health. If you trust him completely then you should be able to tell him your problems and surely he will want to support you all the way!

Originally Posted by RachelLUV

HELP!! I just really dont know how he will act if he notices a dramatic weight loss. I dont want him to break up with me for this and i dont want to hurt him, but..... I cant fight it anymore Anorexia has trying to pull me back for 2 years and im at the point where im just to tired to resist.

I dont want to hurt him... i love him sooooo much.

Sweetheart, please don't get worked up over everything at once. Remain calm, express your problem to your boyfriend and seek help from your parents or someone else you can trust. That is the most important thing for you do to. If you cant love and respect yourself enough to strive for help, then how can you ever expect your boyfriend to show you the same love and respect?

I do not mean to come off harsh my dear, but nothing is more important than your health. I wish you good luck and if you have any more questions don't be afraid to ask me. Much love!

[Aletheia*]

I agree with the above poster.

If you're battling anorexia, you need to get help from a doctor. We aren't doctor's here and can't give you any medical advice. But, if it's controlling your life in the way that it has, then you need to seek medical attention immediately, and get the help that you need.

Also, on a side note so you don't get banned from the site or anything, it's against website rules to post breast and weight sizes in the forums as it could be seen as triggering by other members.

Your boyfriend loves you, and if he didn't, he wouldn't have stuck by you so long. If you don't want him to be sad, you need to get the help that you both need and deserve. All he wants for you to be is happy and healthy, and if that means seeking medical treatment, then do it. It's really overwhelming, I'm sure, but if you don't want to continue to be hospitalized and continue to disappoint your boyfriend, then you should definitely get the medical attention.

I hope things work out for you.