The Problem of Age

[DiceRoller]

My problem is a most curious one, if I may call it so. Now, mind you there will be much for me to say--erm, type--before I can get to the problem itself, so...well...you have been warned, I guess.

Now, you see, I will state one simple, key factor to my problem: I am 14. You will soon see why this is an important factor to my problem.

If you personally knew me, you would at first call me odd. But afterwards, your opinion of me would likely change to one of many different possibilities. Still, what is it about me that makes me so different from others my age, what makes me the odd one out? Well, you see, my personality is slightly...complex. It is best described as the personality of an older, more experienced man. Many people I know--my family members, my teachers, peers, and most everyone I know has pointed this out, either through words or the way they react to first meeting me. I am different, you see, because of an...incident when I was younger, around seven or eight.

I had a young crush on this friend of mine. I would see her often, and we would chat and whatnot. However, at some point she began to act...differently. I would not like to go into detail about what she did. Eventually, she was diagnosed with some form of schizophrenia, and was sent away to a "happy house" in Florida. I was confused and hurt over what had just happened, and wondered how such a bad thing could happen to a person--and why that one girl that I might've stood a chance with (in retrospect, I don't think she might've worked out well in a relationship with me) had to go crazy. I then began to learn more about the world around me--and the horrors of it. In short, I went from a cheerful, happy, helpful kid to a depressed intelligent gentleman--and rather quickly, too. By the age of twelve, I was already the person I am now.

From all the terrors I know the world to be, I, having a gentle nature, could never bring myself to show my depression to others my age, as it would likely make their days dreary, too. But I did not stop ther; I continue to help others out with their lives, doing favors ranging from holding someone's books to paying for an unlucky man's dinner due to said man not having enough cash with him at the moment. I do this so others are not distracted by the struggles of life, the labors one must do, so that they may be happier, and of course, due to my kind-hearted nature. These factors have also made me into a gentleman and a friendly person, which also contribute to my...complex personality.

Now, one could say that the very fact that the world isn't a happy place couldn't possibly do much to depress me too much. I will agree, for at this point other, more urgent matters make my life miserable. What truly depresses me is that I am alone in the world. I have never had a girlfriend. I've never even been kissed--not even by my own mother! Now, here is where the problem of age and personality come into the picture.

The only girls who seem to like me as a good friend are older than I--and I'm talking about women in their senior year and whatnot. I might even have attracted a girl in her senior year, even--but I'll get to that later. I am told that "at this age, it is wrong to date girls that much older than you," so the only option left is my age group, which is far too immature to take me seriously at most times. And those who do take me seriously are either already taken or aren't my type at all.

So I have no options left. What am I to do if no girl my age likes me, and modern society won't allow me to date older gals?

Also, I believe I mentioned a girl I know who might have shown signs of liking me. She is older--around eighteen--yet she seems to like me. I've seen her in the corner of my eye, gazing at me, though due to lack of clarity when looking from the corner of my eye, I couldn't tell if she was smiling or not. Another thing is that she seemed to be happy during our conversations, in a way that just seemed as if she was enjoying the moment. And there was recently a dance that we both attended, and she asked me to dance with her. Now, I can understand why she would choose the only guy left to dance with, but...well, she seemed to really enjoy the slow dance (the part she asked me to dance with her in). I find it strange that she might develop an affection for a fourteen-year-old...unless, of course, she kne not my age. I would tell her of this dilemma myself, except three factors stop me:

1. She lives somewhere out of town, and I know not where she lives nor how to contact her.

2. I am not certain she actually likes me, thus presenting this problem to her would be awkward if she did not actually "like" me.

3. I seem to sort of "like" her myself, thus presenting any obstacles between us two being together would be bad, m'kay.

So I am unsure of what to do. Should I let her know my age and risk losing the one gal I know who might like me, or what? Because not telling her my age feels slightly wrong to me, though I know not why.

[snoogums]

I have also become a lot more mature for my age because of things that have happened in my life. I have been told by many adults that I am very smart. Although I gotta say you have a much better vocabulary than me. :P I don't know where you live but I am in Canada and if that is where you live then that's good because You can date a person 4 years older than you as long as you don't have sex with her until you are 18. I am in a similar situation myself. Hope I am of help? If not I am sorry and I hope it works out.

[Dr.Bobby]

The answer to your last question is the easy one: Honesty is the best policy, but it's really an essential ingredient of any decent relationship. So, not telling her (even if you think you have justifiable reasons) is just deceitful.

The larger issue is what's going on with you and how to respond to it. I don't doubt that you (and others) experience yourself as 'Mature', but I think that might be code for 'Unhappy', a lack of age appropriate spontaneity and exuberance. You seem to be looking for something not typical of Fourteen, a type of 'Mature' love which actually is more characteristic of a mother's love. Fourteen is about fun and hanging out and getting to know new people, it's about laughing and joking and such, not about 'Mature', as in 'Love me'. That comes later.

Perhaps it's coming now (and you experienced it first with your initial g/f way back), because you missed out on that? As in your mom never having kissed you or otherwise expressed love and other emotions? So, now, you're looking to find that which you never had, yet sorely miss. In short, maybe you're looking for the substitute.

if this sounds like it could be accurate, you should also then know that substitutes rarely work, and they rarely feel as good as the original. if anything, they perpetuate the sense of loss. I'd recommend you find someone to talk this out with, maybe even mom and see if she cannot be more emotionally responsive to you, so that your choice of women is based on what you need as a young adult, not a small child.

[Ooobles]

Hey man, I know how you feel. You are so similar to me, its actually quite refreshing. It makes me feel good to know that there is another person who has had the same feelings throughout childhood.
But, to be honest, if you don't try to find anyone else around your age, you may be left in the dark. Is there anyone in your school who you like a little bit? I mean, well.. My new gf (Cj) Is a whole year younger than me. Your situation is slightly different, but still a little bit the same. I would try seeing if any of the senior girls know anyone else. This is REALLY hard to do, seeing as you're similar to me. :/ But, good things come to those who wait. Are you in high school this year? I'm going to assume so. When moving into high school, different people come along. Maybe, you just haven't found a girl within your "Just Right" Niche. Cj, is smack dab in the middle. She goes to another school, but we see each other twice a week because we have the same soccer coach. Do you happen to play a sport where you might see the opposite sex? This gets to be really fun, once a few girls your age know about your personality and what-not. I hope I wasn't being too specific.

Oh, and also, if you can work up the guts, try and ask for the girls phone number. (Also assuming you have a cell)

-I wish you luck.

-Mikey