Update !!

[loveme_x]

So my mother finally knows im pregnant. I was expecting her to go off the wall and suchh but when i toldd her how & who she was disappointed. She was mad because i let him in the house while she was asleep in my room ever since march. So she start saying things like "I told you all he wanted from youu was that now where is he??!" First off, he has done some mistakes like at school n withh his parents but my mother doesn't want to understand. Secondly, she doesn't even know the reason why were broken up thats totally different. She commanded i get an abortion and not to say anything, which my friends know ofc. She got upset at the fact i told them before i told her...She won't stop bringing up that same fact and she keeps giving me these sad puppy faces n randomly comes out of nowhere asking me again about it. I honestly get tired of it, thats why i just agreed to the abortion. But i went to have it done but im too far along so i have to go somewhere an hour away.After that she was sad and stayed in the bed the rest of the night. I layed and watched movies with her thats it. I think she just doesn't want anyone to think of her as a bad mother or something, im 18 not 13!! & Im in college, maybe if she lets go instead of tryna keep me here she wouldn't have to worry about it too much.
On another note, me and the baby's father had a huge arguement monday, i stood in his way and refused to move and kept holding him back to the wall ( i have a bad controlling habit), and evetually he pushed me really hard out of the way and i kept pushing him down the stairs hoping he would fall and i wanted so much to punch him in the face for everything!! I felt hopeless and guilty afterwards, so i felt i really did it this time. I should have respected the fact he didn't want to talk about it. So i put a note on his apt door and apologized and he didn't speak to me at school wednesday and i didn't speak to him, thursday night he texted me from his ipod (his fone is broken) and said how are you doing? like nothing happened! I thought he had the wrong number so i just said fine... and hes like thats good did you go to the doctor yet? & i told him no and i was having an abortion friday. He said oh okay n then he said in addition to that that i might can't have one because it might too late and did i tell my mom it was his ( he knows how she feels about him)....first off how does he know how far along i am and he never even cared to ask me anything about it, he was the main one hoping i get one. I stopped texting him eventually because i didn't want to break my phase of minimal contact - no contact time. So when i found out i had to go to atlanta and get all of this done since i'll be 20 weeks soon & they had a hard time finding my cervix, this will cost atleast 1,000 something but i have discounts i will be getting. My mom said shes going to make him pay for it, i warned him beforehand and he was all hes not paying for anything that i should just keep it and if shes that concerned she should pay it or give it up for adoption. I keep telling him how i felt also and he skipped around it like how i felt doesn't matter. I'm doing little to no contact withh him now, im tired of being treated this way. I want the baby but right now abortion and getting my nice figure back to attract guys sounds alot better.
i love him and all but if i wasn't pregnant, he would definally worry about me before i worry about him.
I'm also thinking what if something happens to me internally trying to have a late term pregnancy abortion almost an hour and a half away, i mean who really does that when you can just keep your money & it??!
I know its MY decision, but be honest someone am i crazy for agreeing to this?? Despite my mothers upsetness she asked me did i want to keep it and i said no yet again so shes making every effort she can to get me up there. But im also weighing out my options to wanting to keep it, everything is in a hole right now and i can't seem to think straight. Because i have a crazy schedule for school this semester (registed late, i'm gonna be on time for next semester though!) & im also taking drivers ed lesson that could interfer with me going to my late class, and this putting a hold on my social life. Advice needed please!

[Aletheia*]

Since you're 18, the decision is completely up to you. The dangers of going through an abortion when you're so far along are pretty clear, so it's something you should definitely think about. There are other options beside abortion, and if you feel you can't take care of the baby right now, you could always chose to adopt, either with an open adoption where you remain in contact with the baby and his/her adopted family, or a closed adoption where you get none of those benefits. I'm all for 'it's the girls choice' but there are too many dangers here that you should definitely rethink going through with a late term abortion.

As for your ex, why don't you just give up already? He's done SO much to hurt you, that he isn't even worth your time anymore. That's all I have to say on that matter.

[loveme_x]

I know, but hes basically apart of this. So while we have nothing even written down on a paper of whos going to take care of what if i don't have an abortion, i can't really help but to bother him from time to time, but i've gotten a grip so im gonna do the minimum because its still 6/5 months ahead of us (if i have it!) i really am thinking of having it, i always dreamed of having something in my life that had my same bloodline. See i was adopted twice, even though that made me a good person in the end, i also went through things emotionally. I'm a deternmined person, i don't give up unless it was all put on the table. If i wasn't pregnant, i wouldn't be putting up with my ex from day one & he knows this, im only this way because im carrying something thats his too. I've been pursued by guys lately but they don't officially know im pregnant. I try and keep my appreance up but with my belly showing and me being moody all the certainly isn't helping. My bestfriend isn't around very much anymore because of something she did, so i don't see her that often and shes still in highschool so she has this and that to do. She helped me get through the rough patches, but now i feel like im alone in this n not just this pregnancy.....im am now thinkin of telling my mom i want to keep it and what all should i tell her, i don't neccessary have a well thought out plan yet. :\ Because shes gonna keep asking what is he gonna do???

[roller♥coaster]

I agree with Shannon, especially on the matter of the guy.

To add a little, if I were in your place, I would definitely research adoption (especially open adoption since you've expressed interest in maintaining a relationship with the child). As I'm sure you know, abortion is very permanent, and if you're having any doubts, it would be in your own best interest to try to find an alternative, regardless of what your mother wants. You need to be entirely sure you yourself are prepared to take the risks that come with late-term abortion.