Triggering: I'll Never Let Go

[XxMallyPrydexX]

I have a lot of trouble letting go of my hate for my ex. I just don't believe it can be done. IDK if I'm in the wrong here, but let me tell you a little bit more about him before you judge.

First of all, it began when I was in eighth grade, and he was a sophomore. He knew I kind of liked him, and he took advantage of it and egged me on and always kept me on pins and needles. Finally through a friend of ours we kind of mutually agreed to go out. And after a few weeks of treating him like a god he dumped me, and said that it just wasn't working out the way he had wanted it to. He left me crying and my mother said that I wasn't allowed to date again until I was a freshman, because I was so crushed by it. Then, at the very end of that year, I believe it may have even been the last day of school, he asked me out again. Which I regret this more than anything else ever in my life, but I ran back to him like a frightened child. We hung out for most of that summer, and started going out at the beginning of that school year. And my life became hell from that point forward. He caged me, hardly ever let me out of his sight. Once school was out for the day he would immediately call and talk until bedtime, and sometimes if we were fighting, he wouldn't let me go until the early hours of the morning. He would threaten all of my guy friends, and would cry and get mad at me if he ever saw me talking to them. He also became very verbally abusive and sexually took advantage of me many times against my will, and this continued for six months. So finally, with the support of my friends that I had abandoned after going out with him, I left. After that he was always begging for me to take him back and promising that we were made for each other, and I almost went back to him once again, until he made one wrong move that changed my life forever. He called me one night after we had been filming a movie for school and informed me that he was taking one of my friends to prom, it upset me dearly and I finally realized all the torment and horrible things that he had put me through. I felt worthless and stupid and on top of that I was having issues with my family and I just decided that I wanted to end it all. I don't think it's appropriate to go into detail here but if my mom hadn't rushed me to the emergency room I likely would have died. From the emergency room I was admitted to Havenwyck Mental Hospital, where I stayed for a week before being released. During which my dad, who had fallen in love with him, gave him the address and he wrote me a whole page on why it was my fault and not his that I got myself landed in a mental hospital. And from there I refused to talk to him. And he proceeded to date two of my best friends, one of which found out that he had used her in the process of trying to get back at me.

So, if he's not a jerk, IDK who is. I just found out today that he had been flirting with one of my guy friends girlfriend and she left him and went for my ex, crushing my friends heart forever. I'm sorry, this is just the last straw for me. There is no way I'll ever cry at this kids funeral.

"You're not a Prince,
You're not a friend,
You're just a child,
And in the end,
You're one more selfish lover."
-Emilie Autumn (Misery Loves Company)

[chickenonsteroids]

Ask yourself this, what do you have to gain by holding onto this hatred?

Yes what happened is bad but building up hatred can lead to bad things, for you and for him.

[PSY]

Hey there.

My first relationship was abusive, and I also had a hard time letting go of my hatred toward him. In the end, though, I realized that holding on wasn't doing me any good. It was affecting my new relationship, and whenever I saw him at school, it put me in a horrible mood. It was only after I forgave him (which isn't the same as forgetting, mind you) that I was really able to enjoy life to the fullest again. I was able to take this negative experience and turn it into a lesson learned, a blueprint for what NOT to allow in future relationships. It made me a stronger person - but only after I was able to stop letting the hatred govern my thoughts and actions.

I wish you all the best during this difficult time. One of the best things you could do is to talk to people. Tell them your story, offer encouragement to people who are currently in abusive relationships, and focus on yourself. Don't let your life revolve around him for one more day - you've already allowed that to happen for far too long.

[XxMallyPrydexX]

TY for the advice