Damaged.

[Masquerade.]

So, there's this guy. His name is Billy. We dated and, against my better judgment, I began to trust him. But, he started trying to move too fast. He was expecting more than I was willing to give. Why did I stay with him?? He scared me. He was suicidal, and he told me if I left, he would kill himself. I was also afraid that he was going to hit me. His temper certainly pointed that direction sometimes, but I was always lucky enough to fight with him on the phone, rather than in person. I was too afraid to leave, so I stayed. But, when he left, it broke me because of his reasons. They were the ones he knew would damage me. Today, I find myself comparing every guy I come close to dating to him. If they're even remotely similar, I run. They could be great guys, but those similarities scare me enough to make me run.

There's this other guy. His name is Justin. I've loved him for the past 2 years of my life, but he's never returned that feeling. There was a point where we were close to dating, but it didn't work out. He tells me the same thing all the time, acting like there's still a chance of it happening. He's so good at feeding me that little bit of hope. I wish I could hate him, but I can't. No matter how much I try, he'll always be Justin. That's something I just can't hate. Today, I find myself comparing every guy I come close to dating to him. If they're even remotely similar, I fall for them. It's as close to being with him as I'll ever get. But, that's so wrong. It's not fair to the guys I date, especially when they start to figure out that something isn't right. There aren't many who have figured out that I am forever in love with someone else, but they all know that something else is on my mind and it hurts them. I hate myself for that.

Look what these guys have done to me. I'm emotionally damaged when it comes to dating, all because of the impact they have had on my life. It's not like I didn't have enough emotional issues to deal with already. They just had to take them and stretch them so they impacted more people than myself. They impact any guy who makes an effort to care about me. How do I get out of their trap? I feel like I'm suffocating in it.

[Jaguar]

The first guy tried to blackmail and threaten you into caring for him. The second guy doesn't even care that much.

You might ask yourself what's in it for you to care for people who either abuse your feelings or treat you with indifference. You can find someone who cares about you and even though you may not be all that attracted to them to begin with, you may find it a much more rewarding friendship that what you're doing now.

[Silhouette]

Its best to just try and forget them and be brave. If you find a guy who seems like a decent guy, then don't let your fear hold you back from something that could end up being great. Just take it slow and if you notice changes in him, then you can leave. Not all guys will be like the past two guys, there are lots of nice guys out there but you'll never discover this unless you let go of the past.
However, if you truly don't feel ready to date, then don't do it. Give yourself time to heal otherwise the situation could get worse.

[Harmony♥]

So, there's this guy. His name is Billy. We dated and, against my better judgment, I began to trust him. But, he started trying to move too fast. He was expecting more than I was willing to give. Why did I stay with him?? He scared me. He was suicidal, and he told me if I left, he would kill himself. I was also afraid that he was going to hit me. His temper certainly pointed that direction sometimes, but I was always lucky enough to fight with him on the phone, rather than in person. I was too afraid to leave, so I stayed. But, when he left, it broke me because of his reasons. They were the ones he knew would damage me. Today, I find myself comparing every guy I come close to dating to him. If they're even remotely similar, I run. They could be great guys, but those similarities scare me enough to make me run.

As someone has already been kind to mention, this guy was manipulating you into staying. He was abusive (it doesn't have to be physical) and controlling. Sure, in the first stages of a relationship, you don't want to be believe or comprehend that someone can be dangerous, or they may not even be showing signs of such manipulative actions. But, after a while, you began to see this. I know you were scared to run away, however, never let yourself get into this situation again. It could be very dangerous for you, and I'd hate to see anything wrong or bad happen to you. They may seem like great guys in the beginning, but you never know when one can turn on you. As for the comparisons, you can't let one guys demeanor change the way you think of other guys. After I removed myself from an abusive situation, I felt the same way. After a while I realized that I couldn't keep comparing other guys to my abusive ex, since they may not even be that way, or even turn out that way in the long run. Having an abusive ex in your life can really help you see who is true and who isn't.

There's this other guy. His name is Justin. I've loved him for the past 2 years of my life, but he's never returned that feeling. There was a point where we were close to dating, but it didn't work out. He tells me the same thing all the time, acting like there's still a chance of it happening. He's so good at feeding me that little bit of hope. I wish I could hate him, but I can't. No matter how much I try, he'll always be Justin. That's something I just can't hate. Today, I find myself comparing every guy I come close to dating to him. If they're even remotely similar, I fall for them. It's as close to being with him as I'll ever get. But, that's so wrong. It's not fair to the guys I date, especially when they start to figure out that something isn't right. There aren't many who have figured out that I am forever in love with someone else, but they all know that something else is on my mind and it hurts them. I hate myself for that.

Don't hate yourself. This guy has lead you on several times. It's not fair for the guys you date to be compared to this guy...however, it's not fair for you to have Justin continuously make you believe that something will happen between the two of you, and then rip it away. Again, it's manipulative and disgusting for a man to do this. Your relationship with Justin wouldn't be healthy, so in order to have a healthy relationship with anyone you're going to have to let him go, at least for a little while. No contact, no nothing. Don't let him get under your skin, or it'll ruin the chances of any kind of relationship you may want to pursue.

Look what these guys have done to me. I'm emotionally damaged when it comes to dating, all because of the impact they have had on my life. It's not like I didn't have enough emotional issues to deal with already. They just had to take them and stretch them so they impacted more people than myself. They impact any guy who makes an effort to care about me. How do I get out of their trap? I feel like I'm suffocating in it.

Again, as I mentioned above, no contact with either of them will be best for you right now. Comparisons need to end, since you'll never find someone who you truly want to be with since you are acting like they're the only two guys in the world for you. It's not true, and it's not fair to any potential relationships you have, and it's especially not fair to you.

[Radzie]

Heya....you know what dear, i think you are just over reacting...just because that guy was like abusive or totally insensitive, does not mean that all the other guys would also be like that too...you have to stop freaking out...okay??
first of all, take those two guys out of the mind and so, you will stop comparing with them... give love a chance darling....give it a chance... everyone in this world is not the same...all are not like the ones you met!

get them out....and you'll seem to like all the other people around you...
everything will turn out to allright, darling

May God bless you, sweety!

Take care,
Radzie

[Silhouette]

Originally Posted by Radzie

Heya....you know what dear, i think you are just over reacting...just because that guy was like abusive or totally insensitive, does not mean that all the other guys would also be like that too...you have to stop freaking out...okay??

I'd just like to say that it can be traumatic to be in an abuse relationship and it takes time to heal before you can enter in a new relationship while having trust for your new partner. So I wouldn't necessarily say they were overreacting, its normal to be a bit skeptical after an experience like the OP had.

[leavemealone]

Really the only way out is to accept that these feelings have controlled your life, you want to let them go so you can heal, and you deserve much much better in life than one heart break after another. You have to be strong and stand tall. I cant help notice that your attracted to guys who either aren't right for you or purposely hurt you for their own benefit. Maybe now would be a good time to take a break from boyfriends just take some time off to focus on yourself. Stay strong!

[Masquerade.]

Hey guys! Thank you so much for all of the replies. I just have a couple quick things to say in response. I have dated since the two of them. I'm not entirely sure if I made that clear. But, all of those relationships have ended, either because I'm comparing them to Billy or because I was wishing they were Justin. I think I might take a break for now though. It's really getting unhealthy. Last night, my room started smelling like Billy and his cologne. I haven't talked to him in months, but I still freaked out a little bit. Is that even normal??

[Silhouette]

Originally Posted by LovesBrokenDream

Hey guys! Thank you so much for all of the replies. I just have a couple quick things to say in response. I have dated since the two of them. I'm not entirely sure if I made that clear. But, all of those relationships have ended, either because I'm comparing them to Billy or because I was wishing they were Justin. I think I might take a break for now though. It's really getting unhealthy. Last night, my room started smelling like Billy and his cologne. I haven't talked to him in months, but I still freaked out a little bit. Is that even normal??

I'm not sure why your room smelled like his cologne but I'd say it was a normal reaction.
Taking a break from dating is probably for the best, I'm glad your giving yourself time to move on from the past.