Ugh... I ruined the best thing...

[Eldora]

Okay.


Put bluntly, I have major trust and confidence issues. I basically only trust my little brother and my dad and my grandpa; I've never trusted any of the women in my family as far as I can throw a stone, which is not that far. I don't trust my friends with everything, and I basically deal with everything myself.

Well, I tried changing that. I put all my trust in my best friends, Savannah and Kattie. I told them about the guy I liked, who I'd dated over the summer but broken up with due to certain circumstances. They helped me get up the courage to talk to him again, and helped me as much as they knew how.

I started dating seven days ago, and broke up with him six days into it.

I was constantly being hounded by my friends, especially Kattie. I had no problem with my boyfriend not being there with me all the time. I had no problem with that one friend of his that he had, even. I had no problem with just walking up and down the halls with him at lunch, talking to each other and joking and laughing around, shy and happy at the same time. Just enjoying his company. He was one of the most random, shy, adorable people I'd ever met. I trusted him completely, and was happy with the way things were going.


The first Monday after we got back together, I walked into school, and I walked around with some friends because I couldn't find him. My best friend, Kattie, found me and she's like: "OMG, where is he? Why aren't you walking with him! That's what people who are dating do!" I explained to her that we'd only been dating for a day, and that we'd probably be eating lunch together like we usually did, but she was still basically outraged at it.


When we didn't hold hands or didn't kiss quickly enough, they both tried to pressure me into it. I told them I was just shy, and didn't want to rush things. They still connived behind my back. My friend Kattie expected us to walk together every spare second we had, and she'd often tell him I was looking for him -- when I really wasn't, and was walking around with my friends.


Finally, Kattie convinced me to confront him. Because by yesterday, I was basically angry at him because they'd both been pestering me about us not holding hands or kissing yet -- not to mention that friend of his that he had -- that I was beginning to get suspicious, too, even though I knew in the back of my mind that it was nothing. I knew exactly what it was.


I wrote a big long letter to him, and that's where things started getting suck-ish. He wrote a letter back saying basically what I already knew: That he was just shy and awkward in relationships. I felt guilty, and really down about it. Kattie encouraged me to write another letter to him and apologize. She was like the best friend ever about it. I fretted over it a lot, but Kattie helped me write a nice letter that I just didn't get the chance to give it to him.

So I got on Facebook last night.

I was planning on talking to him, telling him everything, telling him I was sorry, that I had been worried that he didn't care about me. My friend Savannah was online instead. So, of course, I said hi to her, asked how her day was. She asked how mine was, I told her it had been a bit bad, but that I was gonna talk to my boyfriend and it would all be okay.

She told me she'd seen him walking with that friend of his, (who I'd never really minded before), and that when she'd asked him about it, he'd said nothing and just turned away. That if Jacob -- her boyfriend -- hadn't held her back, she would've slapped my boyfriend because of how he was acting. That Jacob had said that he thought my boyfriend wasn't good for me. I practically burst into tears, then she told me to type a message to him and tell him everything I thought. I did, and I broke up with him.

He sent me a message back telling me that he'd been willing to talk about things, and that he'd sent me a letter, and that if I'd bothered to pay attention to that instead of what Savannah was telling me, then I'd be better off for it.

I was a bitch to him, and I feel dreadful about it. I've felt terrible ever since. I gave him the short version of the story; he doesn't know all of it. All I can remember is him dodging around me into the stairwell yesterday yesterday morning, grinning at me.


I don't know who to believe. I'm just angry at myself, and I know he's angry at me, but I don't know what to tell him. I mean, he's my first boyfriend. Ever. And I already miss him terribly, which I know is pretty normal, but...


Gah, help?

[FillingWithHope]

Relationships can be hard. Espically when your friends don't support you in them. I would honestly talk to him about his and get his side because everybody has a side. Since you didn't see this you can't really believe it. Yes your best friend told you but she might just not like the guy personally. I mean your boyfriend doesn't have to be by you all the time, he has friends to and normally guys act differently with their friends when their girl isnt around and thats normal. Try to talk to him and see what he was saying, if he is willing to talk it does sound like he wants it to work with you and him adn that he does care for you. Good Luck! Stay Strong!

[Eldora]

That's just it. I'm afraid he's too angry with me to listen or answer or anything. I don't know whether to fight for it and tell him the truth, or just to... Give up. 'Cause I really do care about him. But I get angry and hurt so quickly, that I'm probably not even worth his time anymore. The last thing I want to do is try to talk to him and be hurt even worse.... I don't even know if he still cares about me.

Gah. This is why I've learned to trust nobody but myself. 'Cause every time I start listening to someone, I get hurt really, really badly. I'm literally sitting here crying right now, because I'm frustrated and I just wish I could make everything go away.

[FillingWithHope]

He does care about you or else he wouldn't have said you can talk to me if you want to work it out. I don't think he is angry i think he just wants to understand why you broke it off. I wouldn't spill everything at once just tell him that you want to be with him. I would take my chance with him cuz he does care about you.

[Eldora]

I sent him another message, and explained (albeit in a very short, summarized manner) everything that's been going on and what all happened. I feel a lot better already, even though I'm still crying.

Thank you.

[FillingWithHope]

Stay Strong. What ever happens remember that it is probably for the best. Your very welcome. Try to consume your mind off of it though for a little bit until he responds.

[Aletheia*]

From the sounds of it, you're letting Kattie and Savannah control every aspect of the relationship when you're the one who should be controlling it. If you don't feel comfortable hugging, holding hands or kissing don't do it. You can't let the pressure of your peers come between you and someone you like and/or are dating. You shouldn't have to do what they say, just because they themselves are in relationships with people and they are taking it at a difference pace.

I hope now things get cleared up with you and your boyfriend. If you feel the need, PM/VM me or simply update us here! Best of luck!

[Eldora]

Thanks, Shannon. We're talking about it right now, and I though I still feel sort of guilty, I've finally stopped crying, haha.


I don't mean to let them control me... At all. At the beginning of this week, I just ignored them. But then there's that friend of his -- who he already told me he has no feelings for, and turned down for me -- that he kept talking to and they convinced me he was cheating on me...


How could I avoid doing this in the future? Even if I don't get a second chance with this guy, I'm sure there will be someone else at some point, and if not Kattie and Savannah, then surely some other friends who will want to give me advice and be there for me. I don't want to make this same mistake twice.

[Eldora]

When I messaged him, he talked, said his side of the story, and they I told him I didn't know what to do: Whether to ask him to forgive me for being stupid, or just to move on. He told me to do whatever I had to. I couldn't tell whether he was angry, or just hurt, or just trying to tell me that whatever I had to do to feel better, do it. I'm kinda guessing the last one.


*sigh*

I think that maybe I should try talking to him at school. Where everything's not so... Masked, behind a bunch of words. I really want him back, but I don't want to seem stalkerish. Not only that, but when (if) we get back together, I'm labelling the damn thing as an exclusive friends with benefits situation, and that's it. Because that's when we're both happiest, 'cause no one pressures us or anything.

I'd like to talk to him about this at school, but I don't know whether that would be too.... I don't want to seem stupid, or stalkerish. I don't want to lose any more of his respect.... Not that he was ever disrespectful to begin with.


Do you think that would be a good idea? Even if I broke up with him, would it still be alright to try talking to him at school when we get back from Thanksgiving break?

[Chair]

just curious... how old are you guys again?

[Eldora]

I'm fifteen, he's sixteen. We're both sophomores in high school. But how exactly is that relevant?

[Chair]

Originally Posted by Eldora

I'm fifteen, he's sixteen. We're both sophomores in high school. But how exactly is that relevant?

It means this isn't my department. Why? well...

People don't walk around the hallways at lunch time for 6 days and call it dating. Needless to say they don't get sad for 'breaking up' after 6 days. They also don't break up or try to apologize through facebook.
Nothing ever happened and nobody is even going to remember this by next week. You can go back to school with a smile and start flirting with whoever sits next to you in class and be sure to do things at your own pace.

[Eldora]

Believe it or not, that's the problem I have with this shit. I can't just walk down the hallway and be like: "Oh, hey, we're dating." I think it's a bunch of crazy shit, the way people say that and then think they're the most in love people on the face of planet earth. I've always just been like: ". What the heck?"


I wouldn't give much of a damn over this thing, 'cept I dated this kid once before over the summer. Hell, he even met my mother. First guy I've cared about ever to do that. After we broke up last time, we remained what I'm gonna call friends with flirting benefits all through the school year. We even talked when he was with other girls.


It wouldn't be so crappy a situation, if he hadn't been my best friend. Who I happened to flirt with quite a lot and shit like that, but still, my best friend. Who I really, really just want to kiss the hell out of, but hey, everyone had me convinced I had to do this thing called: "dating," in order to do it and not be a slut. Even if it's basically what we were doing to begin with.

Then everyone started putting crazy expectations on me, convincing me he was a bad person, and all that shit. I broke up with him, yeah, but I'd like to make up with him, if just for the simple fact that I've lost my best friend 'cause of this, and I miss talking about crazy video games and Hitler. And of course the occasional pervertedness and staring across the room at each other, but hey. It was kinda inevitable, as much as we had in common. It's not the "dating" I miss, 'cause even I didn't fool myself into thinking it was dating.

And I have no freaking clue what to do, 'cause I basically want us to do something like a friends with benefits situation, but I don't even know how to begin asking for something like that instead.


It just seems very, very silly to me for us to end our friendship over six days' worth of just "dating".