HELP PLEASE

[ellequeen]

Ok so me and my boyfriend been together for a year or so and our relationship is like any other healthy relatipnship - we fight, but we also love eachother. The thing is i have huge insecurity problems..

Anyways, I don't think his friends really like me but I don't really know them. He has brought me along with him to his friends to hang out before but I never clicked with them. He told me they don't hate me or whatever but me, with insecurites sees it differently and it puts me down. What bothers me the most is that my boyfriend's friends always bring their girlfriends along and they seem to get along. I don't get along with them. One of them told me that I need to lighten up and have fun when I am with them instead of sitting alone, etc.... But I can't seem to do that because I am uncomfortable and how am I suppose to be happy when I do not feel welcomed... Idk, this situation has really gotten to me. I don't know what to do - I feel like I want to hang out with his friends and him beacuse I want to be a part of his life, and also because I guess I feel insecure when he hangs out with them but at the same time, I don't want to go somewhere where I feel like they don't want me there..I know I should only worry about my relationship with my boyfriend and ignore any other people around us, but still Any advice?

[Aletheia*]

It sounds to me like there are other reasons for these insecurities. His friends, and their girlfriends have tried to make you feel welcome. They've invited you to join in on their conversations, so you don't feel left out. It doesn't seem like you're making an effort to try to get to know them. I am sensing you're jealous that he spends time with his friends. Correct me if I'm wrong, this is just what I'm gathering from your post.

There is no reason for your insecurity. Effort takes two people, and his friends and their girlfriends have tried and have since given up. They probably think YOU don't like them very much since you spend most of your time sitting alone. You DO need to lighten up, and get to know them. Let loose a little bit, and enjoy yourself. If his friends had any problems with you, they would have told your boyfriend and he would have let you know.

[ellequeen]

^ No, they haven't made an effort hence the reason why I feel uncomfortable

[Aletheia*]

One of them told me that I need to lighten up and have fun when I am with them instead of sitting alone, etc....

This is quoted from your first post. This is them making an effort to have you around them. So, yes. They have tried. You're just ignoring their efforts.

[ellequeen]

You are misunderstanding. Ya she can say that but at same time, there is NO effort made because they all talk within eachother

[Koharuchan]

Originally Posted by ellequeen

You are misunderstanding. Ya she can say that but at same time, there is NO effort made because they all talk within eachother

Maybe they talk to each other because you won't go talk with them. I'm not trying to sound like a smartass, I'm just saying that's probably what the issue is. I agree with Shannon, they did make an effort to bring you into the group, and I agree that you do need to at least try to lighten up a little and enjoy yourself.

[Nicole!]

Originally Posted by Koharuchan

Maybe they talk to each other because you won't go talk with them. I'm not trying to sound like a smartass, I'm just saying that's probably what the issue is. I agree with Shannon, they did make an effort to bring you into the group, and I agree that you do need to at least try to lighten up a little and enjoy yourself.

I agree with this. It sounds to me like you're judging them without really knowing them. How could they hate you if they barely even know you? Just try and join in on their conversations, I bet they'll be glad to have you conversing with them.

[cho]

Sometimes I just fake it till I make it.

[FillingWithHope]

I agree, if you want to be apart of your boyfriends life I would try to take a step out of your confort zone and just daring. Try to get to know them, show them that they can lighten up and you will be enjoying yourself. It is hard to do this around your boyfriends friends because you don't want them to judge you and make them think your not right for you guy, but if you show them your adventours and fun side it will help and when your doing this the next time you hang out with them it will be much easier for you to enjoy yourself since you did it once before.

[jsmithie]

Okay, first thing...is this a normal thing for you to usually feel out of place with groups of people? Or is this feeling exclusive to your boyfriend's friends' group? If this is common for you, I would consider possibly talking to a therapist because there is actually a very common condition that could be causing these uneasy feelings you're having. The reason I know is because I have this myself, it's an anxiety disorder...or more specifically, you might have a social anxiety disorder. I want to be very clear in that I can't nor can anyone else on this site diagnose you...you very well might not have this. It might simply just be a case of the nerves, or maybe they're doing something to make you feel uneasy??? But, again, if this is a common occurrence with you, feeling out of place, nervous to be around groups of people, being quiet when you wish you could reach out...please consider talking to someone about this, as antidepressants can treat anxiety disorders. I have been on them for a while, and they really do help a lot.

[Viky]

I get like that a lot of times too. I wouldn't say just focus on the relationship because how you click with your and his suroundings matter as well. Have you tried talking to your boyfriend about it? A lot of times around people i feel like they don't want me around so i start to exclude myself but in truth they either don't mind having me around or they actually want me there. I've found it helps to talk to someone involved with the situation, in this case your boyfriend about it in a way that you feel comfortable almost asking if his friends mind or like having you around. I hope this helps