feeling insecureee.. :( for no reason?!

[ellequeen]

I have a huge insecurity problem, even when it is not necessary, and for forever I've been trying to work on it but gave up and chose to accept the way I am because nothing can help enhance my self-esteem

Anyways, I feel so insecure when my boyfriend goes out with his friends, especially when I know there will be girls around.
Any advice?

[Mercyfall]

I don't really have any advice, but I have the same problem. I like this girl..a lot..and I want to ask her out, but for some reason I feel as though I'm the worst type of person for being a bf. I'd say that I'm a really nice person, which I suppose is true, but I really am not that good-looking. I hope that it's just in my head.

[MacGuffin]

Well, there are a few things I could tell you on this one.

For one, your boyfriend is not going to make your insecurities away. Sorry, but it doesn't work like that. That's a job that is up to you. You want to give up that's fine, but you aren't ever going to be happy if you do. Your full, confident potential is out there waiting for you to embrace it. All you have to do is except the challenge, do the work to get yourself there, and enjoy reaping the rewards of your hard work. Easier said than done, but anyone can do it. You just have to be willing to try.

Secondly, this is the thing many girls do not realize: your boyfriend is with you for a reason. He COULD be with whomever, but he is with you. That means he sees something in you that he doesn't see in others, and he is committed to you. It is not a crime for a guy to have girl friends when he is in a relationship. It's perfectly natural. And, more than likely, they are not as much of a threat as you think they are.

Another hint: guys do not like being stifled. He won't appreciate it if you start nagging him about going out with his friends. It will be obvious you are insecure and that really puts off guys. This doesn't mean you can't express you concerns though and look for reassurance. There are a couple of ways you can still express yourself on this matter. If you want to be subtle about it, you could say something like, "I hope you have fun tonight with ____ and ____. Say hi to them for me. Also, I want to let you know I love you and I am going to miss having you here tonight, but I am happy that I get to see you tomorrow. We can spend lots of time doing (insert fun things you two enjoy here). Are you looking forward to that?"

This lets him know that A) You may be jealous that he goes out with other girls, but you don't get on to him about it. B) You do have trouble with him being gone, but C) you know you get to spend time with him soon and you are looking forward to it. The last part is you asking for reassurance from him. So it's a nice little package.

You could always go the more direct route if you wanted, just be careful how you phrase things. Instead of saying "I don't like it when you go hang out with so-and-so all night because I have to stay up worrying if you are cheating on me," say "You know, sometimes I have a really hard time when you go out with your friends. I know that you love me, but sometimes my insecurities get the best of me and I get worried about who you spend time with. I want you to know I am working on it, though; I just wanted to express how I felt." Something like that could work, too.

[Aletheia*]

Jordan's right; self-esteem is just that, self. Nobody can help boost your self-esteem since it's up to you to do it.

Now, I'm going to keep my advice brief since Jordan truly hit everything on the head just right, but what you need to remember is that: YOUR BOYFRIEND IS WITH YOU, NOT THOSE OTHER GIRLS. I read your other post, and you haven't made an effort to get to know any of his friends, or their girlfriends or any of his friends that are girls. In all reality, we'd love to keep our significant others from hanging out with members of the opposite sex. But, it doesn't work that way either, and it would be completely unjust and unfair to both parties. You need to make an effort to get to know these people, and you'll see that you have absolutely nothing to worry about. I could understand where you're coming from if your boyfriend has done something to hurt the trust between the two of you, and from the sounds of it, he hasn't. He hasn't cheated, and hasn't strayed from the relationship, so you have no trust in him whatsoever. Trust is highly important in a relationship, and without it, it's not going to last very long. Make an effort, because I know those people clearly have tried to get to know you.

[Chris.]

There isnt much advice I can give here, although I will include some self esteem tips!


If you want to improve your self-esteem, here are some steps to start empowering yourself:

• Try to stop thinking negative thoughts about yourself. If you're used to focusing on your shortcomings, start thinking about positive aspects of yourself that outweigh them. When you catch yourself being too critical, counter it by saying something positive about yourself. Each day, write down three things about yourself that make you happy.
• Aim for accomplishments rather than perfection. Some people become paralyzed by perfection. Instead of holding yourself back with thoughts like, "I won't audition for the play until I lose 10 pounds," think about what you're good at and what you enjoy, and go for it.
• View mistakes as learning opportunities. Accept that you will make mistakes because everyone does. Mistakes are part of learning. Remind yourself that a person's talents are constantly developing, and everyone excels at different things — it's what makes people interesting.
• Try new things. Experiment with different activities that will help you get in touch with your talents. Then take pride in new skills you develop.
• Recognize what you can change and what you can't. If you realize that you're unhappy with something about yourself that you can change, then start today. If it's something you can't change (like your height), then start to work toward loving yourself the way you are.
• Set goals. Think about what you'd like to accomplish, then make a plan for how to do it. Stick with your plan and keep track of your progress.
• Take pride in your opinions and ideas. Don't be afraid to voice them.
• Make a contribution. Tutor a classmate who's having trouble, help clean up your neighborhood, participate in a walkathon for a good cause, or volunteer your time in some other way. Feeling like you're making a difference and that your help is valued can do wonders to improve self-esteem.
• Exercise! You'll relieve stress, and be healthier and happier.
• Have fun. Ever found yourself thinking stuff like "I'd have more friends if I were thinner"? Enjoy spending time with the people you care about and doing the things you love. Relax and have a good time — and avoid putting your life on hold.
  
  Goodluck!