I crossed the line to find out...

[kite8k2]

Okay so most everyone knows my History from the past couple of weeks.

for those who dont here is the story...

So I was here about a 1 1/2 months ago...

Met this girl at a Halloween Party mid October and we kicked it off pretty good. She was the one who initiated everything from asking for the number to asking me on a date.

Our second date ended up with her staying the night at my place and we didnt do anything other then sleep. However, she began to stay more frequently at my place mostly from Wednesdays - Saturdays or Fridays if she wanted to go back home.

Well Everything was going great. We kicked it off really good. She said I was a unique person. She had never met a guy who really cares for others and makes sure to go out of his way to please other people. She constantly said that for 4 weeks. I was a great guy and she was so amazed. Well most guys take this as a warning sign. And it did set off a red flag saying HEY this could get ugly possibly. Well, it didnt and we continued. We ended up having sex our second week together. A mistake on my part sadly for allowing it to happen. But, our sexual relationship was very healthy and our passion was there for sure and that isnt me imagining things. She told me she had been with a few other people before and I told her I didnt want to be another number and she agreed. She also told me she had broken up with her BF of 3 years who had threatened her with suicide if she cheated on him...which she said she did. She was honest and I accepted the honesty.

Things went great for the next 2 weeks.

Well, Our 4th week together she had a problem. She went into a Suicidal thinking thing and I had to take her to the hospital to get her help due to her hurting herself physically. Well they admitted her to a mental hospital here in town and she spent 4 days there. During these 4 days I took care of her affairs such as speaking with teachers and other important figures to ensure she would be ok when she returned from the hospital. I went and visited her daily for the 1 hour visitation time as well. When she got out I was told she had to stay under watch for 1 week. So she came to my place.

During this week things got really bumpy really fast. We were at each others necks a lot for 1 day and then stopped and talked about it and got it fixed even had what she had referred to as good "Make up sex". The next day we got her hair cut and spent the evening relaxing and then went to sleep. The next day I took her to school to do some work while I was in class and I told her she could do whatever till whenever since I didnt want her to feel restricted due to doctors request of being watched. She returned that night at 10pm and things were weird. She had said we only had a sexual relationship. She didnt feel anything for me at all and that she didnt want to hurt me and that all we had was a sexual relationship. She said I feel for her and that she didnt want that. She said it was her fault for leading me on and that she didnt want to hurt me. Then she asked how long it would take for us to just be friends. I told her I dont know if that is possible. Ive been hurt this way so many times before and it just makes me so depressed. She actually had feeling at the beggining she told me. And now I dont know what to do. I am giving her the space I know I am supposed to but I dont know now. We were very close and now it ended with pain. She said she likes sex and all and that she wants sex but no relationship yet...she says things like she likes how I am a great guy to her. I am so confused and dont know what to think.

Anyone or any females able to dicipher this? I am going crazy

And then we got to this...

UPDATE

Thank you for the replies and wishs guys....

This have improved slightly. Not greatly by any means but slightly. She contacted me on Thursday and wanted to hang out friday and so we talked...

Here is where we stand now...

Okay so here is the story...





Thursday night she asks if we can hang out and see each other. I agree and so Friday we go to a Musical Venue where we were both completely quiet. We said a few things here and there but for the 3 hours we were there we didnt say much to each other. Then she said she was bored and I asked if she wanted to go get a snack and so we left and went to get ice cream. We spoke more while eating ice cream and then I took her home.

Later on facebook she decided she wanted to talk more in depth about things. Things got more into the open and we understood what happened and why it happened that way. I explained that she was required to stay in my custody until monday which didnt happen. This was for the hospitals sake just in case she had a episode again. They had me sign a waiver giving my information and address and such saying I was taking her into my care. She acknowledged it and apologized.

She apologized for calling me codependent when I tried to help her with her schooling issues and such. I apologized because I said things I shouldnt have said yet. Like I told her I loved her and it was a out of desperation move + I was intimate with her the previous night and she kissed me that day. She said she felt so much better. "the L word really freaked me out and I'm glad you explained what was going on in your head"

She acknowledged all of this and said things are now less awkward. And then I apologized and explained everything as honestly as possible. She said the damage can't be undone but the guilt can be left behind and that she forgives me and offer my own apologies. She said she knows she sends a lot of really confusing signals... in a lot of different situations which makes it hard for us to communicate at times.

So she feels less awkward about things... And we are talking slightly a bit more and more. Even got to a point where we were talking sexual like which was not awkward at all but we stopped given the situation we were in at the time.

So thoughts? Are things possibly progressing in a good direction?

So I had her over for Thanksgiving. She stayed the night we didnt do anything sexual like that....She stayed because I was drinking and so was she. Well....Here is the story now...

Things have been progressing great. We had a great Thanksgiving together we cooked and bonded more...

Then She started texting our friend a lot. I was sitting next to her and saw a few of the texts and was curious. One read something about I am not ready for a relationship serious one atleast ...... Then she said one with my name in it and couldnt read rest... Than I got to thinking I need to know....I have to know I have to find out. So she fell asleep and I crossed the line.

I opened the phone and read the text. She said she wasnt sleeping with anyone since I took her to the hospital which is a relief for me. I am so greatful for that. Then I read where our friend told her she needed to find a guy and just settle down.

She said she met a new guy and they broke into the Universities pool place and then went to his place....Didnt do anything but I started to have my heart sink.

Then I read she said she wasnt sure if she saw more in him or not. Our friend said she needs to be careful. She replied she knows. She doesnt want to hurt anyone anymore and she just got out of a serious relationship about 60 days ago. She didnt want something Like "ME" happening again.

So I stopped after I reached the end and started to think.... I guess this is done for.... I think I need to move on even though I feel like we have made progress in getting things back on track. I dont know now. Should I just walk away and never say anything again. I cant settle for less with her. A friendship would kill me at this point in time and I dont know what to do. I know she has feeling for me she has expressed them. But, is it that time to officially call this a lost cause?

Should I call it off and tell her I shouldnt see her again? Or should I hope that this next month of us not being around each other will mend things even more? We have 2 classes together next semester. I dont know if I can bare seeing her though if we arent together.

Any advice would be great.

[MacGuffin]

In all honesty, a relationship is probably not a good thing for her right now. It's different if you are IN a relationship when mental issues start (and it's still really hard even then), but it's a terrible way to start a relationship. It doesn't mean it can't ever work, but there is already a bit of a crack in the foundation. When someone, especially someone new, sees you in that state, it can be really hard for the person going through the trouble. She is probably not in a place to make very stable decisions when it comes to relationships right now. Just saying, it probably put a rift in your relationship, and it might take a lot of work to get over.

Even if she isn't looking for a relationship, you are already in a tough place. It is never a good idea for two people to be together where one wants a relationship with the other but the other is not in a place to be in a relationship. Terrible situation. Especially if you have already moved yourself to the place where you couldn't be friends with her. That doesn't give you many options. Basically, you are falling for her but she isn't falling for you. And, you have no reason to expect she will. She has not made any formal commitment to you. She can still go have sex with whomever she pleases or do whatever she wants. Just because in your heart you want to have a say in these things doesn't mean you get to.

I'm just laying out the facts for you. Could it work? Maybe. Being apart for a month might bring you closer together or it might bring you farther apart. It really could go either way. It might be a good idea to stick things out a little longer and see what happens. But if she is not leaning in the direction of a relationship with you in the next month I would call it a lost cause. It's not fair to either of you for you to hold on for months while she tries to get her emotional shit together and decides whether or not she should be in a relationship. But, honestly, you should be discussing these things with her. She is the only one who can really let you know where she thinks this is headed. I would wait until things are a little more established for you two, but don't be scared to bring it up when the time is right. It would give you a better answer than we ever could.

[kite8k2]

No do not feel bad for your answer... I welcome the critisism.

We started out realyl smoothly and then her emotional shit hit the fan which you are right we are caught in a rift and I feel it.

She said she wanted the relationship at the beginning and the things went bad due to her thinking about her ex.

I think I can wait it out another month or so. We are supposed to go to a theater venue this coming week together with her bestfriend and her boyfriend. I think you are right about the time apart thing too. It could go either way.

I will say this though it kills her to not have me talking to her. I know this because she was going nuts the week we were apart. And then things started back up. We got to talking more and more and more then here she is at my place again.

We have slight communication issues but I have been very good at pinpointing the cause and it is because she feels that she is too judgemental too fast. Which is something she told me tonight and that her temper can flair fast. I am making every notion to get communications up to a level of relationship status but I think its going to take time I dont have this coming month with her going home for the holidays.

I will however continue to talk with her for atleast until school starts back up in January. I will continue pursuing in a more subtle way but I will back off more and try to be happy again and get back into the ME thing. Maybe that will help things again. It is what attracted her I think. Thank you Jordan for you help I really appreciate it.

Any other suggestions are welcome too.

[MacGuffin]

You're welcome. I do hope it works out for the two of you.

[kite8k2]

Well... I am hoping to I pray everyday.

was I wrogn to read the texts I feel slightly guilty but I had to know

[MacGuffin]

If I had a nickel for every time someone on here read their partner's texts or emails secretly and found something they didn't like...I really don't recommend it. It's always easier to talk to your partner face to face about these things. But don't beat yourself up over it. What's done is done, and you can't change it. And now, technically, at least you know. I guess that is the positive side of these situations.

[Chair]

Originally Posted by kite8k2

Any other suggestions are welcome too.

Let it go already. Said it before, and saying it again. You're just hurting yourself , wasting your time and effort.

[Aletheia*]

As Jordan said, a serious relationship wouldn't be in her best interest considering everything she had been through with the episodes and being in the hospital. Her main concern should, and always be, herself.

Now, reading a partner's text messages is never a good thing. You're probably going to find out things you don't like, but you're not in a committed relationship with her so you can't be upset by what you see. Yes, you're on the right track now, but again, she needs to slow down and figure things out for herself. She doesn't even know if she likes this other guy in the terms of a romantic relationship, and if she does, it's her loss.

Personally, I think you should just view this relationship as purely friendship based right now. Let her work things out in her own head, figure out what she wants from everything and when she's ready, she'll come to you about a serious or non-serious relationship.