What am I supposed to do?!

[delete]

Ack... Well the guy I fully lost my virginity to not so willingly and I haven't spoken face to face since the 14th of Nov or so, he just got arrested not for anything serious, he's 4 years older than me, and going through a lot. We dated for just over a month before shit hit the fan... Like, I feel bad for him and want to help him, but I don't know what to do! I mean, when he isn't high he treats me fine, but that night he treated me like crap... I couldn't even get a hold of him or anything, so I wondered if he didn't like me or want me anymore, but he did eventually get up with me in a fb message, altho it wasn't much and he is going through a lot. Basically he stays with friends b/c his parents abandoned him... And on a post the other day he said he hoped to see me and a couple other people soon. What should I do? I mean, I'm going to get up with him eventually I'm sure since we share some friends and they know about my situation and that there's a sliiiight chance he got me pregnant. Everyone says I should drop him, but I want to help him and now he's in jail?! Ugh what did I get myself into

[Whisperer]

Hey there,

First off, you need to have a pregnancy test to see if you really are pregnant. Whether you are or aren't I think will change what you should do in this situation. When you say he got arrested for something "not serious" what do you mean by that? Honestly, I think if he got arrested, it's serious in my opinion. Drugs can change a person into someone they are not. If he is heavily into drugs, I think it's best to stay away from him. There's probably a good reason his parents don't let him live there anymore and he just may not be telling you. Depending on his situation will determine how you can safely helping without getting too caught up in his problems and putting them onto yourself. Maybe if he needs money for food buy him a gift card to a super market. That way you know where he is spending the money. I wouldn't suggest allowing him to live with you since he's into drugs you never know what he is capable of. You could also try to get him in contact with a professional that can help him if he is addicted to drugs. Like I said, I need a little more information to decide exactly what I think you should do but it certainly sounds like you should keep some space between yourselves.

[delete]

He got arrested for outstanding warrants, I believe he'd been on probationf or posession of marjuana or paraphenilia, and small, petty crimes like stealing something from a gas station or a CD, and basically crimes a stupid young person would commit. His mom is living with some guy in a different part of the country and his parents aren't around. He can't live with me that's for sure, I live with my parents and sister since I'm under 18. On a positive or slightly positive side, he doesn't do any illegal drugs, just synthetic marjuana b/c they would take urine samples for his probation so he can't do anything illegal. It bothers me too that some of his friends almost encourage this behavior... When I was with him, for the most part he wasn't high, and when he was I threatened to leave if he got completely baked. That was going fine for awhile Idk what I could do... And I have to wait a couple more days to take a pregnancy test... I mean, I'd get bail money for him if I knew what it was or if he could get bailed out.

[Aletheia*]

I think you should let it go. You said it yourself that he was a bad person, and though he may not do drugs, synthetic weed is still considered a drug, just like marijauana is considered a drug. This guy basically forced you into have sexing, and was rough and didn't comply when you asked him to wear a condom. Why would you waste your time and money on a guy like that? I certainly wouldnt. Let someone else handle his problem.

[delete]

I said he wasn't a bad person... And it's not like it was rape, it wasn't exactly me being a super willing participant but rape's kinda harsh but I did participate at one point, and I think one of the reasons he hasn't been getting ahold of me or been around the usual places or people is because he's afraid b/c something bad happened and he doesn't know how I'm going to react and possibly feels bad that he did hurt me or do something wrong, or that he knows he did something wrong to me... But I get where you're coming from... It's just hard to break it off ya know? Especially after what happened, and I know he has a good side down there, and I feel so bad for him... A lot of the people I'm around and including myself every now and then smoke herbal incense (synthetic marjuana) but I just hate it when he smokes a boatload of it and gets just stupid... Like I said, I mean I feel bad... I shouldn't feel like I need to rescue him :/

[how.we.operate.]

I don't really think there is much you can do to "rescue him"...I mean of course you can support him, but how would you "rescue" him? I do get that you want to help and all, but what could you do for him besides being there for him?

My opinion is that you should move on from him; he seems to be in trouble a lot. He's been arrested for "small" things--I count possession as a bigger thing--when will that stop? You will feel like you need to be there for him, but he is older...he needs to learn to be responsible for himself and he needs to learn how to handle his life. You aren't expected to hold his hand through life...he needs to learn to do so.
I'd say break it off until he can sort out his life...you shouldn't be constantly worrying about him; you should be happy instead.

In terms of the pregnancy test, is there any hints as to why you think you might be? You'll have to wait till your period gets closer--there are some that tell you 6 days before your missed period--but some aren't. If you didn't use a condom, I would look into the test. Don't freak yourself out yet though!

I hope things go okay with if you get a test. As for everything else, take time to think about yourself...not about him. Think about what this means for you.

[delete]

Originally Posted by how.we.operate.

In terms of the pregnancy test, is there any hints as to why you think you might be? You'll have to wait till your period gets closer--there are some that tell you 6 days before your missed period--but some aren't. If you didn't use a condom, I would look into the test. Don't freak yourself out yet though!

I hope things go okay with if you get a test. As for everything else, take time to think about yourself...not about him. Think about what this means for you.

Well, I've had some nausea and took Plan B, plus I'm late, and altho it's a slight chance like 5 ish percent, I'm taking a test just to be sure b/c it was unprotected. And I know he's a big boy and all, it's just, ugh... I want to help... It's hard since i can empathize with him and I don't want to see something bad happen or him to get locked up for awhile

[-epicfail-]

Hey i hope he gets out and help him. If your pregnant he is the dad and hopefully nott. But i mean if you think you messed up your wrong dont take it too hardd. And hopefully he gets out and he comes back for you and only you!!! You are probably very beautiful and he probably really loves u. Just watch out and hopefully he isnt playing you. Be positive I hope this kinda helped if you need to talk write mee!!!!

[delete]

Originally Posted by -epicfail-

Hey i hope he gets out and help him. If your pregnant he is the dad and hopefully nott. But i mean if you think you messed up your wrong dont take it too hardd. And hopefully he gets out and he comes back for you and only you!!! You are probably very beautiful and he probably really loves u. Just watch out and hopefully he isnt playing you. Be positive I hope this kinda helped if you need to talk write mee!!!!

Thank you He is getting out in a couple days hopefully, and I'm thankfully not pregnant I've never been so happy to get my period lolz I'm hoping maybe the time away from everyone will have gotten him to think somewhat... And I can always move on to someone who could treat me how I want, and maybe he'd realize that and figure it out that he needs to step up, especially since even his best friend said I was too sweet to have to deal with such bullcrap. I did some thinking, and yes I can help him, but there are plenty of good fish in the sea haha. I'm going to go talk with some friends (his and mine) to figure out what's up, and if possible bail him out if needed anyway, if it's not too much. I mean his friend who just got released had bail/bond at only $180. I don't think he loves me since we haven't been together a super super long time, but care? hopefully. Thanks again

[leavemealone]

He is a recipe for disaster. Unless he straightens himself up, I wouldn't even talk to him. Especially if he took your virginity unwillingly? That is NOT the kind of guy you want to get mixed up with. You deserve better, and I know you want to help him, but he has to want to help himself before he starts to lean on other people.

[delete]

Yeah... Well it turns out I've got time to think because he's actually going to be locked up for 50-60 days It sucks that I miss him when I shouldn't... Ugh

[how.we.operate.]

If you took Plan B, you should be fine. The fine print on Plan B says: "When used as directed, Plan B One-Step® is safe and effective. Side effects may include changes in your period, nausea, lower abdominal pain, fatigue, headache, dizziness, and breast tenderness. Some women may have changes in their period, a heavier or lighter next period, or a period that is early or late. If your period is more than a week late, you may be pregnant. If you have severe abdominal pain, you may have an ectopic pregnancy, and should get immediate medical attention." --See the FAQs on Plan B. If your period is late, it can be because of Plan B. As long as you took it within 72 hours of having sex, you should be fine. If you do feel the need, you should take a pregnancy test.

As for him...I know it is hard, but you really need to think of what is going on; he is locked up in jail. I'm not going to lie, but he has gotten himself there and that is his fault. Maybe you need to take a step back--as I said, I think you should at least stop seeing him UNTIL he straightens out. Give him motive to work on his life...otherwise I see him just circling down the drain.
As a teenager, you shouldn't be worrying about a boyfriend in jail...you should be enjoying life and focusing on school or what is important to you. Having a boyfriend is a huge thing and I know it is hard to think about letting him go...but at this point, I really suggest that you consider at least taking a break until he can turn his life around.
That and well, I'm going to be honest, you will meet other boys at school, at college, at work, etc later in life. I don't see the point in waiting around for someone who tends to make poor life decisions.

Also, ask yourself why are you asking all of us for advice? I see it as you are debating sticking around with him or letting him go...and you are holding yourself back because he is nice and you feel bad for him. I don't think those are very good reasons. I don't mean to be rude or anything with any of this post, I'm trying to give you some things to think about. I know you care for him, so it is hard to picture yourself letting go etc-I know how hard that is. I do want to try to help you think about the big picture...is it worth it in the long run?

[delete]

Originally Posted by how.we.operate.

If you took Plan B, you should be fine. The fine print on Plan B says: "When used as directed, Plan B One-Step® is safe and effective. Side effects may include changes in your period, nausea, lower abdominal pain, fatigue, headache, dizziness, and breast tenderness. Some women may have changes in their period, a heavier or lighter next period, or a period that is early or late. If your period is more than a week late, you may be pregnant. If you have severe abdominal pain, you may have an ectopic pregnancy, and should get immediate medical attention." --See the FAQs on Plan B. If your period is late, it can be because of Plan B. As long as you took it within 72 hours of having sex, you should be fine. If you do feel the need, you should take a pregnancy test.

As for him...I know it is hard, but you really need to think of what is going on; he is locked up in jail. I'm not going to lie, but he has gotten himself there and that is his fault. Maybe you need to take a step back--as I said, I think you should at least stop seeing him UNTIL he straightens out. Give him motive to work on his life...otherwise I see him just circling down the drain.
As a teenager, you shouldn't be worrying about a boyfriend in jail...you should be enjoying life and focusing on school or what is important to you. Having a boyfriend is a huge thing and I know it is hard to think about letting him go...but at this point, I really suggest that you consider at least taking a break until he can turn his life around.
That and well, I'm going to be honest, you will meet other boys at school, at college, at work, etc later in life. I don't see the point in waiting around for someone who tends to make poor life decisions.

Also, ask yourself why are you asking all of us for advice? I see it as you are debating sticking around with him or letting him go...and you are holding yourself back because he is nice and you feel bad for him. I don't think those are very good reasons. I don't mean to be rude or anything with any of this post, I'm trying to give you some things to think about. I know you care for him, so it is hard to picture yourself letting go etc-I know how hard that is. I do want to try to help you think about the big picture...is it worth it in the long run?

This wasn't offensive at all, actually, it was probably some of the best advice someone here has given me to be honest. I'm not pregnant thank god, but you're right. Part of me is torn between showing him loyalty like, hey, I waited for you and not everyone is going to abandon or give up on you like your family did, but the other part is he didn't always treat me well, and that's on him if I choose not to stick around. I will give him support as a friend but until he puts 2 and 2 together, I'm going to do whatever the hell I want, and see whom I please that will treat me how I want them to. When he gets out, we'll talk. Thanks, I hope I'm making the right decision though And he's 20, I'm workin on 17