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Relationships and Dating Ask here for advice on dates, break-ups and other relationship concerns.

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sam10037 Offline
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Question Really confused emotions - December 11th 2011, 03:56 PM

This summer was the best! I had so much fun and vacation with my family friends was the highlight of it! I had an awesome time hanging out with my best friend and his girlfriend. It was the best and then it came crashing down when school started.
My best friend's mom cut off communication between my best friend and his girlfriend and basically breaking them up. They weren't allowed to see each other or anything. She also called my mom making false allegations that I texted him at 5 in the morning (It must've been a phone glitch or something because I am asleep at that time). Things changed between him and me and we only have seen each other on Halloween. We always want to hang out but we never get the chance and I am afraid to confront his mom. Also his girlfriend became my girlfriend and we started going out.
Things were settling down and I thought this was the new reality and then my girlfriend and me broke up a couple of days ago. I am really upset because I really thought I had something.
Now this is like the emotional back story in my head. During the summer I finally admitted that I had feelings for my best friend (who is also my family friend). I always had feelings for her for the longest time ,but I never realized it. I would get extremely nervous whenever I see her or whenever she texts me. I just get so hyper talking to her and I really get excited when we are doing anything. I have known her since birth and we are basically best friends since birth. We are the same age and we understand each other completely. We feel like we are twins. Once in September and once on my birthday in October, I visited her after school by taking the train to her school in Brooklyn. The whole point of me going there was to just be with her because I didn't see her for a long time after the cruise. The only time I get to meet her is during parties or whenever our families meet. Our families are best friends with each other but they were busy and we never met up. She started to like some guy and I was happy for her ,but they still haven't gone out yet even though they both admitted they like each other.
Now the thing is I don't know what to do. I have a lot of emotion towards my ex-girlfriend but I just don't know what to do with my other emotions with my bestfriend. If our parents even found out we were dating, everything would blow up. I just don't know and I'm really confused. Sorry for the long explanation but there is no other way I could put it.
   
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Winston1994 Offline
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Re: Really confused emotions - December 11th 2011, 05:44 PM

If you really want to patch things up with your friend (the one who dated your ex) then you probably shouldn't do anything about your mutual ex-girlfriend. It might hurt at first, but you'll get over it. Really. And if his mom is the one seperating you, you'll probably remain seperated until you're both 18 and are not under your parent's jurisdiction any longer. Now as to your other best friend who you are interested in dating...if you traveled by train to Brooklyn twice just to see her, and you feel like you have a special bong, you should definitely go with that potential relationship. I met this girl, barely saw her for a year, and now we're going out, and we both really like each other. You don't always realize that you like someone romantically right away. It took me 2 and a half years. So I'd say go with your gut feeling
   
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Re: Really confused emotions - December 11th 2011, 11:46 PM

I think you need to lay out everything in front of you:

Which one you like the most
Which one you think you can really be compatible with
Which one makes you the happiest

Lay out all that info, an decide on which girl to be with.

It seems like that is the main problem: not knowing which way to go. So lay that info out, think about it and make a final decisions on which girl you want to be with - the more you ponder and get confused on which girl you want to be with the harder it will be to actually make a choice. Once you find the girl, forget about the other one and put all your effort, and love to the one you picked. Whatever you do, DON'T split your love - that will only damage your relationship, and your friendships.

Best wishes,
Chris


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Re: Really confused emotions - December 12th 2011, 12:48 AM

I agree that sam10037 shouldn't split his love, chrisjackson911, but that doesn't mean he should end a friendship with either of them. If the first one doesn't work out, he can always try the second one. But that route is harder if he cuts off the second friendship. Trust me, that's my life right now


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Re: Really confused emotions - December 12th 2011, 01:14 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Winston1994 View Post
I agree that sam10037 shouldn't split his love, chrisjackson911, but that doesn't mean he should end a friendship with either of them. If the first one doesn't work out, he can always try the second one. But that route is harder if he cuts off the second friendship. Trust me, that's my life right now


See, thats where you are alittle off. When you like someone - your not at a friendship level. A friendship can not function correctly when someone has feelings for the other one but the other one doesn't have feelings back - it simply wont work. With him having feelings with both the exgirlfriend, and the current girl he likes, he wont be able to give neither of them the FULL love. You cant fully love someone, and still like other guys/girls - because then you wouldn't be FULLY loving someone.

On another point; To have a backup for a current girlfriend is wrong - which is basically what you are saying by: If the first one doesn't work out, he can always try the second one. At that point you are playing with someones feelings by putting them on the sideline so if something 'didn't' work out, that he could use that as a second girl. There should never be a 'second' choice when you are in a relationship - and if there is a second choice, then you simply are saying the relationship is going to fail, and that you aren't loving that person as fully as you can because your busy keeping the sideline girl satisfied while you are dating someone else.

So OP, I think that you really do have to pick between which one - so that the one you pick gets what they DESERVE which is your full love, and care.

Best wishes,
Chris


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Last edited by Chris; December 12th 2011 at 03:09 AM.
   
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Re: Really confused emotions - December 12th 2011, 10:37 PM

I'm sorry, I didn't really make clear what I meant, chrisjackson911. We totally agree with each other when it's put that way. In my situation right now, I liked two girls, and eventually gave all my attention to one, but in doing so I completely (and I MEAN completely) ignored the other. You can and should give all your love to one, but that doesn't mean you can't talk to the other. And I didn't keep this second girl as a backup, I actually only realized that I did have feelings for her after we went to Homecoming as friends after my other girlfriend broke up with me. So yeah...we agree I think.


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Re: Really confused emotions - December 13th 2011, 11:32 PM

Thanks everyone for the advice I really appreciate it. :-) I still don't know I am really confused I think I may need some time just to think over and what to do about it.
   
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Re: Really confused emotions - December 14th 2011, 12:11 AM

No problem - Yeah maybe take some time to think about the situation.

Hope all goes well

Best wishes,
Chris


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