I have Physical Intimacy Issues, Advice?

[user766]

Hello,

Well I'm 18 and I believe I have intimacy issues that are not normal for my age.

I have been in two relationships so far and the longest one spanned about two months. I liked both girls but the same issue came up after a while of dating, the physical intimacy. I'm comfortable sharing intimate thoughts and opening up in conversation but the physical part is something I just constantly avoided. I don't know what it is about me but I can't allow myself to get physical with my partner. I don't want to kiss them or even hug them. I can hold hands but that is as far as I go. I'm also very old-fashioned when it comes to sex so I'm still a virgin which I have no problem with. I'm glad I am, but another thing that bothered me is that both girls I dated were not so I couldn't let that go and the fact that they have had sex really disturbed me for some reason because both of them had several sexual partners before I dated them, which I found out later on in the relationship which led to an eventual break-up with both of them along with my inability to get physically intimate. I know I'm still pretty young to be concerned with relationships but what bothers me is that even the thought of sex or other physical acts just scare me off and to be honest it even disturbs me at times. I don't want it to stick around until I'm in a serious relationship and be the cause of another break-up.

On a side note I also found out about a week after I ended my relationship with my ex that she was a Nymphomaniac, at least that is what she confessed to be and also what I was told from a few of her past ex's. I was going to be her friend but I can't even think about her now without feeling slightly repulsed. I was really surprised she didn't go crazy after dating me for about two months and not even getting a kiss.

So I guess what I'm really trying to ask is what do you think I should in order to try and get past these issues? Should I just let it be? I just want your opinion on the matter.

Thank you in advance.

[theawesomeman]

you should ask her out again and then for one day kiss and if it gets that far have sex and the next day get out of your comfort zone even more. Then even more the next day. Even more the next......... and eventually it will be IN your comfort zone.
Does this help?

[Work_In_Progress]

I want to address the issue of you being repulsed by being with someone who has had sex before dating you. That itself isn't a problem at all, if that's what you want, then that's what you want. However as you get older, the more people you encounter, the more you will meet people who have had their own life experiences and you will meet more people that will have at one point lost their virginity. At the moment it is not a problem, but if you are older(I'm talking 25-35) and still looking for a girlfriend and still clinging to the idea of having someone who is still a virgin, there will be a few people that are still ''maidens'', but you will still be in for a huge disappointment.

As for the physical intimacy issue, have you been through abuse or neglect or witnessed something that might've made you deathly afraid of physical contact? You don't need to answer this question here, but if you have perhaps talking to someone you trust a great deal or one of the TeenHelp staff members or even professional help? Discussing the problems you feel are being a hindrance to your life may shed some light on why you are feeling this way and perhaps even allow yourself to feel more comfortable with hugging or kissing. Sex can wait until much later, judging from your post it'd be best to not rush into this. Perhaps it is the partners that you choose? Your unconsciousness may have strong feelings that the people you have dated were not right for you, therefore your conscious self would feel repulsed. It is quite possible that people have hunches or a '6th sense' when it comes to certain things.

I hope my post has helped you at least a little.

[user766]

I have never been abused, neglected or witnessed anything similar that could be the cause of my issues. I've always been very uncomfortable with the idea of physical intimacy, as long as I remember myself. I don't know what steered me in to that uncomforted zone.

Thanks you for the reply, I think I will take your advice and seek someone professional I can speak to regarding my issues.