Best friend's bf cheated. Now she wants him back?

[Missy07]

I hope I have this in the right section...

My best friend was dating a guy she works with for about a year and a half when out of the blue, she found out he was cheating on her with another girl they work with. He slipped up and sent my bff the wrong text and it went to pot from there. It's been nothing but heartache and drama for my bff since this happened in October. He is her first love, if that says anything. From the get-go, he told my bff that he wants her to "wait for him, in case it doesn't work out with this new girl".

The thing is...this "new girl" is 1) underage, 2) living with her "fiancee" while cheating on him with multiple guys, 3) a known floozie (for lack of better word) And her ex has been chasing her for 2 months now. There are not enough words to describe what a creep this boy is. But my bff is still in contact with him. Despite both mine and her family's protests. She is willing to get back together with him, when HE says he's done with this other girl. She is ALLOWING HIM to call all of the shots. I've been there for her through every step of this whole mess, from listening to her cuss him out, to listening to every detail of the story a dozen times over. I do NOT want this creep to hurt her again, but she wants him back and is willing to let him run her over and break her heart over and over.

I don't know what to do, except be a supportive friend. Literally every person around her is saying do not go back to him, but she is going to when he comes calling. Is there anything I can do to help change her mind about him? I don't want her getting hurt by him again...

[IMCAT]

These kind of things happens to be honest.When you hurt someone it gets back to you, soon or later.I think that they have to move on.If one cheats, that means it all.

Easier said than done though.

[Chris.]

Unfortunately, there isn't anything you can do in this situation. She is going to do what she is going to do - which as a friend it sucks to watch, but as an individual we all have to go through things, and we all have to learn from them. Don't try to protect her from the hurt, and the pain that this will cause - Just be there for her and support her. We all have to go through heartbreak and similar situations, but we all learn from that mistake, and we all repair our hearts, and we all move on to something worth wild.

I think you are doing what you need to be doing - just being there means alot, even though she may not realize you are there for her.

Other than that, you have to let her make her own mistakes.


Best wishes,
Chris

[IMCAT]

Originally Posted by chrisjackson911

Unfortunately, there isn't anything you can do in this situation. She is going to do what she is going to do - which as a friend it sucks to watch, but as an individual we all have to go through things, and we all have to learn from them. Don't try to protect her from the hurt, and the pain that this will cause - Just be there for her and support her. We all have to go through heartbreak and similar situations, but we all learn from that mistake, and we all repair our hearts, and we all move on to something worth wild.

I think you are doing what you need to be doing - just being there means alot, even though she may not realize you are there for her.

Other than that, you have to let her make her own mistakes.


Best wishes,
Chris

I totally agree with this statement.
If shes being cheated, she has to realize that "the respect barrier" as been broken.And respect is everything in a relationship.Without it, you get chaos and disruption.

[Koharuchan]

Unfortunately, in this situation there really isn't much you can do. You may not like it, but in the end it is her decision to make. If she decides to go back to this boy, you can't stop her. Trying to support her and being there for her is great, but if you keep pushing the issue trying to make her stay away from him, it could end up messing up your friendship. I know it sucks and you want to help, but if she goes back to him then it's her decision.

[Apple Orchard Ghost]

There isn't much you can do besides give her advice if she asks for it. If you nag her too much, she'll get upset with you and that'll start a whole new problem. I've been in similar situations and people are going to do what they want to do, regardless of if it's bad for them or their friends disagree.

[Missy07]

Thanks, everyone for the advice I think I just needed some reassurance that its ok to not do anything to help her. I love my bff like a sister, and its hard to see her go through this...but ya'll are right. It's her decision.
Thanks again.

[MadPoet]

It's extremely hard to let go of your first love. It leaves a permanent scar on your heart, and it's the first of many. You'll do anything you can for awhile to try and repair that first love, because falling in love for the first time is one of the greatest feelings out there.

I had a girlfriend that I kept going back to, even though the relationship wasn't working out very well. I discovered it was because of two reasons. She was the first person I ever knew to like me the way she did, and I felt that I would never find someone else who cared about me like that. She didn't mean to hurt me, but it never worked out, and I kept getting back with her because I knew nothing else, didn't know that there was other people out there and that this was holding me back.

During that time I had pretty much everyone telling me not to go back to her. I didn't listen, though. It was about the tenth time getting back with her that I realized I couldn't do it anymore. It becomes emotionally draining, staying hopeful only to have that hope broken again and again. I tried to see the good in her, and I got lost in that.

What I'm trying to say is that the decision has to be her own. She might get hurt over and over again, and that's never easy to watch as a friend. But it's the only way she will learn. And once she learns, she's less likely to fall for someone's crap again in the future.