Non-PG13: Is it normal to want a break from the person you're in love with?

[thegirlnextdoor89]

I'm 22 and my boyfriend is 27. We've been together for one year. We are totally committed to each other and are wanting to get married. We've gone through alot since being together. We're both recovering drug addicts and he is a sex addict. I get irritated with him because he tries controlling my recovery. I have a hard time with his sex addiction because i've been in abusive relationships before where i was raped repeatedly so I have baggage from that, and even though he's working on his addiction I still give in to him because what he doesnt get from me, he gets from porn. I know some people think porn is okay in a relationship but it's not something we want in ours. He doesnt want to look at porn anymore either, but i still worry that he'll turn to it if he gets desperate enough. I don't deprive him sexually at all, but if it up to him we would have sex every day (which we did for months).
Anyway. We hang out every day and send a couple hundred texts a day. Until recently i've enjoyed that because we are extremely close and are best friends. But lately he has been irritating me more and more and i've really wanted to not spend as much time together. We've discussed it before but it never really stuck. I don't know what to think because i do love him and want to be with him for the rest of my life, im just worried that we'll get married and i'll find myself still feeling this way. Is the way im feeling normal??

[Aletheia*]

Absolutely. You've spent every day together for a year, and when you aren't together, you're texting. There is no space in the relationship, and EVERY relationship needs space. I stay at my boyfriend's house for days at a time, and when it's nearing time for me to go home, I always become irritable, and look forward to my time away from him. It's just that everyone needs space, and you haven't been getting any. So, I would explain to him that when you aren't together, to lay off texting each other so much. Or maybe taking a break from the relationship would be best. A break isn't a break up. It's just a limited amount of time to think things through, and figure out what you want.

[Nicole!]

I agree, its normal. I think you've just had too much contact with him for too long, and you just need some space. Its important that you get that space as well, otherwise things could get worse. I think lessening up on the texts will help, and maybe instead of having sex everyday you two could plan some dates to go on instead.

[Raining Glitter]

It is completely normal! Definitely with the amount of emotional baggage you both have.

My sister been dating the same guy for the past 2 & 1/2 years. They went on a small break in the summer. Breaks don't always mean breaking up forever- it is more taking a short time to just get everything together. Both of you are human and both of you have a lot of emotional baggage. It sounds like right now both of you are stressing each other out. When in a long lasting romantic relationship, fights and conflicts happen. It is normal. Sometimes a couple just needs to take a few steps away from each other, calm down, and realize what they have been doing wrong before they can reconnect.

If it doesn't work out during the break and turns into breaking up, it happens. It means right now you two aren't working out and aren't the best for each other. You two might meet up again when life becomes more stressful and both of you are more healed, or you might not, which means maybe it wouldn't have been as much of a happy marriage.

With the sex, it's hard for him since he's an addict. But it is also hard on you because you were a victim of abuse. Maybe you two need some time to heal and grasp reality better since it sounds like both of you guys are hurting. You shouldn't feel a need to sexually entertain him. It is not a job or a duty. If he is pressuring you too much, maybe taking a few steps back to regenerate and work on the relationship might be better.

Two people might love each other to worlds end, but sometimes they do need a break. It is normal and don't feel bad if you ask for one. A lot of couples, even the strongest, go through them. Sometimes we need a break from the people we love because stress is clouding our judgment and making us act in a way we normally wouldn't. Just think about any friends you've took breaks from. We all need those moments to just calm down, relax, and reconnect. It happens. A perfectly normal thing.

Cheer up, you sound like a lovely girlfriend. You care so much about him, I can see it. Don't worry, things will work out. I know this can be stressful and scary, but please don't beat yourself up about it. You are a wonderful intelligent, strong, and beautiful young lady who deserves to receive the best treatment out of a relationship. You deserve happiness too. Everything will be okay.

If you want to ever rant/ect to me, be happy to pm me anytime! There are people who want to listen to you

[leavemealone]

Having doubts, from what I hear, is normal to an extent. If its really bad, I suggest just taking a break and look at your options. This may be a sign that there is something else out there for you before you get married. Or you could just be not ready for that kind of commitment, which I totally understand. Even if you love the person unconditionally, there is that little part of you that wonders "is this really what I want right now?" Just take it nice and slow

[thegirlnextdoor89]

Thanks for the input! On New Years Eve we got into a fight because he told me that we dont spend enough time together. What the hell! I mentioned to him that hes commented before saying that we spend TOO much time together. Its pissing me off because yesterday I said that i'd like to have 1 day a week where we dont hang out and he said no. He said I could have 1 day TOTAL, not once a week. On holidays he visits his family and says its my fault that we dont get to see each other on those days which is retarded because just as he wants to spend holidays with his family, i want to spend them with mine and he just doesnt get it. And he also blames me for his lack of meeting attendance (we're members of narcotics anonymous) because he doesnt like to go if i dont go with him. Its really bothering me because its like he tries to make me feel bad and like I dont want to spend time with him if i ask to spend even just a little bit less time together, and he claims that im isolating when im not with him. Even when we're not together we text all the time, he calls several times a day, and is constantly wanting updates on what im doing. So i can't really enjoy myself when im not hanging out with him because im tied to the phone! I really dont know what to do. I know that if I ask for a break, it will turn into a break-up, and i dont want that. I just hate feeling like im stuck and like if i want to be in a relationship with him (which i do), i have to do what he wants all the time...

[Smitten]

Not healthy!
You need to talk with him and try to get him to understand things from your viewpoint. This advice is coming from a moderately controlling male - you are right and he needs to be made to understand that your family is as important to you as his is to him. Compromise is best, maybe as a couple spend X holiday with his family and then X holiday with your family.

If he is totally closed to compromising, you may want to seek couples therapy... Because this will get old, FAST.

[Sincerely Yours ♥]

It is totally normal to want a break. My boyfriend & I had the same problem & now that we don't see each other every day, things are a lot better.