What I want

[Itsboxman]

I have been out of a relationship since May. I think I may have had mild depression the past few months, because I'd get this horrible feeling of loneliness at least twice a week. This feeling would just ruin my day, and make me just want to lay in bed and end my day right then and there. Lately, I haven't had any of those days, but I still feel this general loneliness. I feel like I've got all these caring, loving feelings I can show someone, but no one to show them to. I can't really open up to my friends about this because it's a pretty big contrast to what I normally act like. I don't feel like they would take me seriously. Don't get me wrong, they are good friends, it's just that I'm not usually the person to "complain" or anything like that. But I digress...*
I guess I would consider myself a hopeless romantic. I really just want someone to love, I guess. I want to get that feeling when you kiss someone you really care about. I want to be able to cuddle with this person every night. To me, these are the greatest feelings in the world, and I want to experience them (again?)*

To make this clear, THIS IS NOT ABOUT SEX. To me, sex isn't the most important thing in a relationship anyways. You may ask me about my views if you wish, but my feelings aren't about sex anyways.

I feel like talking about it (or posting something about it) might help. I just wanted to open up a little. If someone wants to help me open up a little more, feel free. I really just wanted to say something.

[Cuddlebug89]

I feel the same way sometimes, I've been single for about a year now and still get that feeling of loneliness once in a while. I found it good to open up to friends about it cuz maybe they know someone they can set you up with... I learned that a friend of mine set me up with someone just recently so it never hurts to share your feelings with friends.

[theawesomeman]

It sounds like you might have a form of depression. You could just be lonely though and wanting another relationship. You can open up to your friends no matter what you're normally like. That's why they're your friends, friends can help each other out. You're not a "hopeless romantic" like you say you are. You're a person who wants to be in a relationship and that is not hopeless, it's realistic for anyone.

[Chris.]

Are you a second me? Because you seem to have been through the same thing I was through last year.

First off, don't think you are alone with this - because you are not, and as of fact my best friend is going through the same thing. Sometimes we see good relationships - and we want something like that. We want to be able to love, and cuddle, and be affectionate towards that person - but often what the problem is we are so about loving someone else that we don't love ourselves. You cant expect someone to love you, if you don't even love and take care of yourself. Now, at first when I heard this I was confused - and of course I denied it saying I do love myself. But you, like me, seem to lack confidence, and you seem to picture more of what 'can' be instead of what really is. So, after I learned, I changed, I even went as far as buy books on confidence and such - and it came naturally for me after awhile and I had hope, and I LOVED myself, and I took care of myself and girls do see that. Everything after that was history.

Point is: love yourself. Care for yourself. And most importantly, don't try to find a girlfriend. If you do chances are you wont find one - you need to just be yourself, love yourself, and be socially active and they will come to you. I know, sounds easier said than done but its possible.



Best wishes,
Chris

[Itsboxman]

I'd like to thank you all for responding.

As for you, Chris, is there any websites that you'd suggest for self confidence building?

[Aletheia*]

As we're not doctors, we cannot tell you if depression is what you're suffering from. In my (unprofessional) opinion, it just sounds like you're lonely, and you want someone to help you get over that loneliness. This isn't uncommon, and you are definitely not alone, as Chris said.

Being in a relationship can do a lot of good for people. Have someone to care about, someone to care about you back. These are normal feelings to have, especially since you've been single for quite some time.

Your best bet would be to put yourself out there. As Chris suggested, you just need to build up your self-confidence. While I can't think of any websites off-hand that give you tips on how to build it up, a general Google search should suffice in finding what you're looking for. But, putting yourself out there and introducing yourself to new people will help out PLENTY when trying to find a new love interest.

But, take this advice as well. Don't spend a WHOLE LOT OF TIME looking for love. When we look for love, chances are we aren't going to find it or we'll settle for someone who isn't right for us, making the loneliness creep back in again after a time. I find that the best relationships come from when we aren't looking, and when we let love find us.