Female Advice Preferred: What to do...

[Warachia]

Well, just from all of the threads I've posted.. you know I talk about the usual..(youth group,mostly.)

But I still think a girl is in fact possibly a little interested in me..

When she sees, she says "Hi" to me and even says my name..

She even interpets what I say(I have a problem with "mumbling", if you didn't know before,previously..), in a way where I don't have to repeat what I say..

But, even though I've cnsidered talking to her, I just keep my distance and I'm nervous too...

However, I'm not sure she's into the things I like.

(Also, you can close the "I've got a plan" thread...)

[Baxter]

She might just be being nice, but honestly, don't distance yourself from her and avoid her because you're afraid. I did that so much with girls who liked me in the past and I regret it now.

You don't need the same interests to like each other. Guys and girls are different. I like guitar, paintball, motocross, motorcycles, movies and video games, you know how impossible it would be to find a feminine girl who likes those things? As long as you can keep a good conversation about anything possible, no one cares.

[Aletheia*]

The thing is: Opposites attract. My boyfriend and I have little to nothing in common with each other. I spend the majority of my days online, while he's either playing video games, working or in the summer time, fishing. I don't usually enjoy playing video games unless it's something we BOTH can enjoy, and since I'm not working currently, we don't have that in common either. I also don't enjoy fishing. Just the thought of touching fish disgusts me. But, these are all things he enjoys and I try to get myself into them sometimes.

You don't have to have common interests to date. The point is to have some things in common, and then trying to find their other interests, and giving them a try. A relationship takes two people to make it work, not just one. Both of you would need to make an effort.

[Nicole!]

I'll go ahead and close your other thread.
I agree with the above posters though, go up and talk to her, don't distance yourself. And I think she may just be being nice. If she doesn't know you that well, then she probably doesn't like you in that way yet.

[Chris.]

I agree. If you don't communicate with this girl - than nothing will happen. It takes effort and things like this is an trial and error process. So I would communicate with her and build up whatever else you want within the friendship (or relationship). The first few times you will be nervous, but eventually you will grow on eachother and things will start to happen and take place like a friendship. So when she says hi, say hi back and ask her how shes doing. Each time keep adding more things into the conversation - have fun and communicate.



Best wishes,
Chris

[Warachia]

Well I remember the pastor said she was 11 or something(doesn't look like it though..)

So, she can't be my girlfriend, really..

[Nicole!]

Well I'm confused. Why did you make this thread if you won't date her anyway?

[Warachia]

But then again...

If I'm friends with her...

Well she seems to talk to the other girls, so even if she's younger than me.. perhaps that mght attract the other girls to me...

[Chris.]

I was also confused about this Melody - I thought he wanted a relationship.

So what is the goal here? To have a relationship with her friends?

[Nicole!]

I would start by having a friendship with her. Then she might include you in her conversations with her other friends which seems to be what you're after.

[Warachia]

But, none of those girls would be interested in me,anyways..

[Chris.]

You need to have more confidence in yourself - you seem to want to have a girlfriend but yet you keep backing out because you think they wont be interested in you.

What you need to understand is you have to love yourself before others can learn to love you. The main goal here is to be positive, to take care of yourself, and too love yourself. After awhile of doing that, girls will recognize that and then maybe you will have better chances - but no one wants to be with someone who lacks confidence or is negative. Only you have the power to change how you think about things and what you say.

[Warachia]

It's because all of the other girls are the "outgoing" types.

I'm happy with being a weird horror "otaku".

But those if the girls don't like what I'm talking about, well they can go die in a hole for all I care.

Ain't changing myself for a girl.

[Nicole!]

Originally Posted by Warachia

It's because all of the other girls are the "outgoing" types.

Maybe because they all know each other? Joining in on their conversations might help to get you included.

Originally Posted by Warachia

But those if the girls don't like what I'm talking about, well they can go die in a hole for all I care.

That's a bit harsh... everyone has their own interests and just because theirs might not match your own doesn't mean they should go die.

Originally Posted by Warachia

Ain't changing myself for a girl.

Good. This is exactly whats right, you need to find a girl who likes you for you. Never change for a girl.

[Warachia]

If I join on their conversation, they're not gong to talk to me or ask me questions..

They'll just keep talking clothes or whathaveyou..

In a sense, they'll ignore my presence...

Or maybe tell that certain girl, "I need to talk to you.. in private"(One-on-one conversations are better in my opinion.)

[Nicole!]

Originally Posted by Warachia

If I join on their conversation, they're not gong to talk to me or ask me questions..

They'll just keep talking clothes or whathaveyou..

Clothes isn't all girls talk about. Even the most girly of girls will talk about plenty of other topics that boys can relate to and talk about too. And you don't know that they won't talk to you or ask you questions unless you try.

Originally Posted by Warachia

In a sense, they'll ignore my presence...

Or maybe tell that certain girl, "I need to talk to you.. in private"(One-on-one conversations are better in my opinion.)

They won't ignore you, but they will need time to warm up to you since they don't know you. And the only way for that too happen is to just talk to them.
Why would they tell her to talk one-on-one? Just because you think that's better doesn't mean that they will as well.

[Warachia]

Not they, I meant I'll tell that certain girl "I need to talk to you in private"

I despise talking to a whole group.

[Nicole!]

So whats keeping you from doing that? But remember it would be a good idea to get to know the other girls as well.

[Justin Bieber]

To be blunt, you seem really insecure and socially uninformed? But honestly, if you didn't focus so much on what might happen, what could happen, what she might be thinking, etc.... you'd be much better off. I don't think any of your threads seem to be giving you what you want? Do you want to be told you have no chance with any girl? I'm confused. I don't want to be mean or hurtful, but you need to take some responsibility and ownership of yourself. What DO you want?

[Nicole!]

Originally Posted by Santa

To be blunt, you seem really insecure and socially uninformed? But honestly, if you didn't focus so much on what might happen, what could happen, what she might be thinking, etc.... you'd be much better off. I don't think any of your threads seem to be giving you what you want? Do you want to be told you have no chance with any girl? I'm confused. I don't want to be mean or hurtful, but you need to take some responsibility and ownership of yourself. What DO you want?

I completely agree with this. I get confused often times as to what exactly you want. You really need to just realize that nothing will happen if you don't just go up and talk to those girls and get to know them. You have to take action if you want something to happen.

[Warachia]

I prefer one-on-one conversations.

More private and less of a dent on my reputation.

If I say something I shouldn't have, in front of a group, I'm done in.

They all laugh and taunt and then I can't show my face anymore.

[Nicole!]

You won't always say something wrong, and it doesn't mean you can never go there again. Sure, they might laugh but then its done and over with and they'll forget within an hour. There's no way they would forever think of you as a weird person. Everyone has embarrassing moments in front of others. You just have to pick yourself back up and play it off as being funny to show you're confident.

[Warachia]

And that burst of confidence equals "INSTANTU ATTRACTION"?

[Nicole!]

Originally Posted by Warachia

And that burst of confidence equals "INSTANTU ATTRACTION"?

No, I didn't say that. But most girls do like confidence.

[Warachia]

Hmm..

"Resoultion Incident"..

I talked a girl about my problems..

Apperantly, people do care about me there..

Like they wonder why I don't talk much.. or sit at that empty table..

Apperantly, if I ditch my social anxiety.. I'll be more attractive..

Like the pastor's friend said, if I participate in the group, there is that chance..

But if people get to know me better and trust me..

Just maybe..

But I don't know if I should go for it.

As a result, people may actually talk to me..

But, I'll lose my mysterious and silent side..

Such a difficult decision...

[Nicole!]

Originally Posted by Warachia

Hmm..

"Resoultion Incident"..

I talked a girl about my problems..

Apperantly, people do care about me there..

Like they wonder why I don't talk much.. or sit at that empty table..

Apperantly, if I ditch my social anxiety.. I'll be more attractive..

Like the pastor's friend said, if I participate in the group, there is that chance..

But if people get to know me better and trust me..

Just maybe..

But I don't know if I should go for it.

As a result, people may actually talk to me..

But, I'll lose my mysterious and silent side..

Such a difficult decision...

I've got two big words to say to you. Do it.
As many of us have said to you before, don't try and be someone you aren't. If they want you to speak up and join them, then do it! It's what they want, not this mysterious and silent facade. They want an interaction, not to be ignored.

[Warachia]

Well.. I'm more of a listening person, than a talkative person..

[Nicole!]

Well its a good idea to learn to be more talkative, so its a double win for you.

[Warachia]

I only speak when necessary..

[Nicole!]

Well to the other kids at youth group, that doesn't seem to be enough. Try to be social for a day and see where it gets you.

[Warachia]

Fine.

If it don't do crap, I'm going to the "obedient soldier" complex(only speaking when necessary)

And I'm not mentioning my novel stuff either. I don't wanna spoil anything.

[Mercyfall]

I have a lot of problems with confidence, as well. There are ways to be mysterious and talkative. I've been starting to talk a lot more with everyone and it's helped me a lot. If I say something stupid, I immediately force myself to realize that everyone has slip-ups from time to time. If people will judge you for it, then you shouldn't be with those people anyway. I'm not talking about people loling at a slip-up, but those who make fun of your hurting. I still have problems trying to talk about what I am interested in or showing my art with people. I get really nervous, but I'm working through it. Btw, that age gap isn't too big. My old history and computer teacher are married and they told me that my computer teacher was in 5th grade when my history teacher was in college, lol. They didn't start dating until she was in college, but that is a HUGE gap.

I see you like anime, same here .

[Choose]

Originally Posted by Warachia

Fine.

If it don't do crap, I'm going to the "obedient soldier" complex(only speaking when necessary)

And I'm not mentioning my novel stuff either. I don't wanna spoil anything.

Okay, that is NOT going to help you at all.

What I am about to say right now may be harsh, disorganized, like I am going off on you, whatever, but I think you need to just stop sitting back and analyzing everything that could/ would/ should happen and just get up and DO something. It is fairly obvious to me at least that you lack social skills and confidence in yourself and the only way that is going to change is if you let other embrace who you are, whether that be for better or worse. By going this "obedient soldier" way, it is highly unlikely that anyone will speak to you, especially if you're the one sulking in the corner, alone, BECAUSE you think no one will speak to you. Embrace whatever hangups/ awkwardness you have and let them shine through to everyone. Working on a novel? AWESOME! You like anime or other things that may be "nerdy" or whatever? AWESOME! There are many other people that are interested in such things.

I understand that it's difficult to grow confidence in yourself when you feel isolated and alone and weird and you have social anxiety of sorts, but you don't just magically sprout confidence overnight. I have been where you are and am slowly growing out of it myself! You're gonna need to WORK at it. People don't just magically wake up one day and say "Wow, Warachia is an awesome dude!" In order for them to believe it, you must believe it too. Go and socialize and stop worrying so much about what people think of you. If they like you, they like you. If they don't, they don't and you can go make different friends that will appreciate you for how awesome you are. Do things that you love, and try to be social and HAVE FUN and people will naturally be drawn to you. Are there any other alternatives outside of this youth group to explore? Since you seem so worried about people in this youth group judging/ labeling you, perhaps start there? Let your awesomeness shine through and don't let others get you down. Heck, another good medium to even get you started is just to socialize on THIS VERY SITE. That's what I've been doing and it has really, truly helped me to realize- "wow, people are actually pretty awesome in general."

You have the chance to not be a party-pooper (for yourself), and only you can control that. We can just help guide you along. Everyone has their own little quirks and oddities, but ultimately that's what makes people (YOU) interesting to others.

Oh, another point to make in this disorganized ramble is that you can be outgoing and mysterious at the same time. Just because you are social and like to talk to people doesn't mean that you spill the beans about yourself 24/7. Since you have said you like to listen, use that to your advantage! Learn about others. People love to talk about themselves, and if you take a genuine interest, they will also be drawn to you. Once you get them going in a positive manner, they will associate you with positive feelings, and continue to talk to you. At some point, they may realize "wait! I know nothing about this Warachia guy, but since he has been listening to me and understands me, he must be a pretty cool guy!" and they will want to get to know more about you- because they know next to nothing!

Time to get your buttski up and talking dude! You can do it.

[Warachia]

So basically..

-Socialize a bit
-Listen to people and take a general interest.
-Give short answers to questions from girls, to keep them guessing.
-Participate in the group but don't talk to girls, unless ABSOLUTELY REQUIRED(Confrontation or they want to talk.)

[Nicole!]

Originally Posted by Warachia

So basically..

-Socialize a bit
-Listen to people and take a general interest.
-Give short answers to questions from girls, to keep them guessing.
-Participate in the group but don't talk to girls, unless ABSOLUTELY REQUIRED(Confrontation or they want to talk.)

Don't think about this too much. Just interact with them. That's it.

[Warachia]

Well to ask..

Why do I have to leave my brain at the door and stop analyzing/thinking?

[Nicole!]

You don't have to stop thinking
What I mean is to not analyze every little detail. You'll only end up wearing yourself out, because what you think may not always be correct. You need to just take life as it comes and go with the flow.

[Warachia]

I got a idea..

Just talk to the fellow guys there and avoid the girls..

Those girls will see that I'm social and will want to talk to me.

[Nicole!]

Originally Posted by Warachia

I got a idea..

Just talk to the fellow guys there and avoid the girls..

Those girls will see that I'm social and will want to talk to me.

Or just talk to the girls. That's a better idea.

[Warachia]

...I rather them talk to me.