Female Advice Preferred: What to do...

[Nicole!]

Originally Posted by Warachia

...I rather them talk to me.

Well it seems like all this time they haven't. So you need to initiate the conversation. If they get to know you a bit, then they will start talking to you first.

[Warachia]

But..

Considered my future..

When I'm married and stuff, the wife won't have to do any work.

Pretty much , I follow a "obedient soldier" path, taking orders and asking permission, before engaging in any activity..

Do you see anything problems in that?

[Nicole!]

Originally Posted by Warachia

But..

Considered my future..

When I'm married and stuff, the wife won't have to do any work.

Pretty much , I follow a "obedient soldier" path, taking orders and asking permission, before engaging in any activity..

Do you see anything problems in that?

Yes but how will you meet any girls who you will eventually be married to if you don't even talk to them?
Besides, not many women would enjoy a blank guy like that. We like personality and guys who are brave enough to talk to us. Most of us anyway.

[Warachia]

I'm, but unfortunately, any girl who's interested in me is gonna have to work hard to at least get my interest.

Besides, it's better to talk to the fellow guys.

And girls would be fricking distractions, schoolwork wise.

[Warachia]

(LEVEL UP)
[HP +20
ATK +8
DEF +7
Confiden. + 6]

Well I actually felt a bit tense tonight, but..

I ignored the girls until the end of the service.

I asked one of the guys there to tell one of the girls, I needed to talk to her in private..

It didn't work out.(She was too intent on socializing with her friends.)

I asked a girl, if I could speak with her in private..(The same girl who waved at me at the bowling alley)

She accepted and I told her that I needed practice talking to girls..

The session went fine.

I only mentioned that I wrote stuff, a little convo came from that.(Spoiled nothing,per say.)

Confirmed identification:
Age-11(12, soon I guess)
Interests- Singing and hanging out with people(I don't like singing)

Compatibilty:
(Too young to date.)

Interest in anime-Nope.
Interest in video games-Unconfirmed
Interest in horror-Unconfirmed
Interest in heavy metal-Nope.


I've got a girl to practice talking to, though.

But, nonetheless there's no girls there that WOULD want to pursue a relationship with me.

[Nicole!]

Well practice is always good, but:

Originally Posted by Warachia

I'm, but unfortunately, any girl who's interested in me is gonna have to work hard to at least get my interest.

If you make it that hard for girls to even just get to know you, then most likely most won't try to peruse anything. You can't just put up a bunch of walls and expect girls to come knock them down. If you're open and friendly, then they will want to talk to you. Nobody wants a challenge just to be friends.

[Warachia]

They already know I'm a gamer and anime fan..

What else is there to know?

And actually you know how girls gossip and stuff, right?

[Peppermint Tea.♥]

How about talking to both? Try talking to the guys and make some friends, and try talking to the girls on occasion as well. Girls often prefer a guy who makes the first move, even if that is just saying hello.

[Mercyfall]

Maybe you could try going to anime-cons or heavy metal concerts. Much, much easier to find people that have the same interests as you do. Try making an awesome cosplay costume or something, maybe some would want a picture or notice that you are a fan of that particular anime that they like too.

[Warachia]

If I'm talking to girls, it has to be private.

I don't like talking to groups.

Although, since girls suck at keeping secrets(no offense)..

I've got a new plan..

Since girls gossip a lot..

-Reveal a bit of details on the novel to one girl, to make her feel special.
-If talking to different girl, say "Sorry, but I only mention my novel stuff to guys and a specific girl."
--If asked, just say"Nope, not telling. You'll have to befriend to know.."

And there's a slim chance that word gets out, but that'll make me more interesting.

And anime conventions?

The best I could do is Hideki Motosuwa from Chobits or any nerdy male character(I'm tall, though, but Alucard would be too expensive of a costume..)

[Peppermint Tea.♥]

I think you're over thinking this. That plan could easily lead to the girls not caring because you haven't told them enough, or they may not gossip about it (girls can keep secrets) or they may not want to befriend someone who seems so desperate for them to be their friend (the reason I say this is because you are basically saying 'be my friend and I'll tell you stuff').

This is why earlier in the thread people have been saying to just go with the flow and stop over thinking things. This doesn't mean don't think, it means have a conversation that's spontaneous.

[Warachia]

And you really think a horror novel about a guy and a girl being seperated by two worlds isn't going to interest them.

Fine, I tell NOTHING about the novels to the girls.

[Peppermint Tea.♥]

No, I don't think that your novel isn't going to interest them. I was just saying that your plan to make them interested by dividing them and getting them to gossip about you might not work because if you don't tell them much they might just ignore you.

[Warachia]

Well if I tell them all the exact same details, it doesn't the one girl feel special and then it makes me uninteresting, everyone already heard about it and tgey don't want to hear more about it.

[Nicole!]

Originally Posted by Warachia

Well if I tell them all the exact same details, it doesn't the one girl feel special and then it makes me uninteresting, everyone already heard about it and tgey don't want to hear more about it.

They probably won't know about it unless you tell them. Girls don't just go blabbing everything they are told.
Making a girl feel special takes more than just having a casual conversation too.

[Warachia]

But, how could mentioning my novels possibly entice them to talk to me more?

[Nicole!]

Originally Posted by Warachia

But, how could mentioning my novels possibly entice them to talk to me more?

My question is, how could it not?

[Marguerite]

Okay so I've kind of read through most of your threads and I'm going to give you a looooooong (I'm not kidding) and brutally honest reply. I suggest listening because you seem to be skipping over a lot of what people say to you.

You keep saying how you are undatable and no girl would ever be interested in you and frankly, though I'm sure there are girls out there who would want to be with you, you are pretty much unlikely to find ANYONE at this point with your attitude.

It's not why you think. You have a very narrow and conservative view of gender roles. You seem to think that males are off in one corner talking about cars and watching horror movies while girls are in the other painting their nails and gossiping about celebrities. This couldn't be further from the truth. Your own interests are fairly gender nuetral. A lot of girls love horror... it's my own favourite genre. I've known only a couple of guys into anime, while I've known probably 15 or so girls who are into it. One of my best friends (who is a girl) is such an avid gamer that I hate going to town with her because we end up spending an hour in the games store. Girls aren't going to look at your interests and think "Wow, what a weird guy! I better go think about shoes and menstruate!". Besides, since when does a partner have to share specific interests as you? It's nice to have common interests but you are acting like you have a check list for girls to meet before you'd consider dating them. You might meet someone who gets scared at horror, who is social and likes pop music and you might be amazing together. You might meet someone who loves everything you love and who you have zero chemistry with.

The next problem you have is with your approach to starting conversations with girls. If I saw someone sitting alone at a social event I would probably try and strike up a conversation with them, because I'd feel bad that they were alone, not because I thought they were cool and mysterious. If they gave me short, one word answers to my attempts to talk to them I would give up. I wouldn't be thinking "Wow, this guy is so interesting! What lies beneath the surface??". I would quickly assess whether the person was just extremely shy and socially awkward, or whether they were just being rude and didn't want to talk to me. Depending on the answer I would either give up, realising that the person was too shy to have a conversation with, or walk away, thinking; "what a giant douche!".

You keep writing down what your plan will be and that is where you've already gone wrong. Conversations in real life don't work like:

"HELLO, MY NAME IS X. I WOULD LIKE TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT US POTENTIALLY DEVELOPING A ROMANTIC CONNECTION. MY INTERESTS ARE 1, 2 AND 3. WOULD YOU CONSIDER US COMPATIBLE?"

You just have to be casual. Just break the ice with a small comment or question... comment them on an item of clothing, comment on a song that's playing, ask them if they like the food. Just like you would go about interacting with a new (male) classmate or neighbour. Then see if the conversation flows. It's not some James Bond style mission. You don't need a plan and a checklist. If there are things you want to avoid talking about then avoid them. I'm sure there are more things in the world you could bring up than dead bodies and gaming and your novel. Oh, the novel. Let's get to that.

The fact is that most of the world doesn't care about your novel. I'm not saying you're not going to be successful or that your audience should you ever gain one won't be big and in awe. But imagine this. I tell you that I'm writing, say, the next 'Confessions of a Shopoholic'. It's going to be about a girl who spruces up second hand shoes to make a living after she loses her trust fund and falls in love with a poor cobbler. On a scale of 1-10 how much do you not care? Sure, if we were having a polite conversation, you might ask a few small questions about it, and I might give you the basic outline of the plot, or a few small details. That's what you should do if you really want to talk about it. But it's unlikely if I'm talking to a stranger, who isn't even interested in the genre, that I'm going to tell you every single little detail about the setting and the characters and all the plot turns and twists. And frankly the girls you talk to aren't going to ask you for an in length description of the book just so they can steal all your ideas or tell all their friends. Or even just because they want to know because they probably don't.

Your biggest problem, however, is how much stock you place in your weirdness and eccentricity. The 'weirdest' thing about you isn't your novel or your interests or your emotions. In fact they are all pretty standard. The 'weirdest' thing is how 'weird' you think you are and how much emphasis you put on it. Of course if you think you're the weirdest person who ever walked the earth girls are going to avoid you, because who wants to deal with that wall you put up around yourself? Your interests and behaviour and ordinary, but it seems very important to you that you are different and an outcast. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being different but you are trying to hard to be weird when you're just not. You'd probably just be happier if you let go of this idea of yourself as some deep, mysterious, completely bizzare outcast and just embraced what you actually are: a normal teenage boy who is having some difficulty talking to girls, and frankly, thinks a little too highly of his non existant eccentricity

[leavemealone]

Well if you like her and your pretty sure that she likes you, give it a chance. Don't pull back because if she does like you all, all the feelings she has for you is going to disintegrate when she gets the vibe that you don't feel the same way. Stop being so shy about everything and reluctant. Just jump right in with whatever it is you are nervous about; in the end it'll be worth it.

[Warachia]

Meh, college will be easier.

Not going to get a girlfriend at youth group.

[Nicole!]

Originally Posted by Warachia

Meh, college will be easier.

Not going to get a girlfriend at youth group.

There are plenty of other places besides college and youth group to find a girlfriend.

[FillingWithHope]

Congrats! Your taking a step forward!

[Warachia]

Well I'm not sure how a non-romantic relationship with a pre-pubescent(5 years difference) girl is going help me gain success with the other girls in the youth group.

[Peppermint Tea.♥]

Originally Posted by Warachia

Well I'm not sure how a non-romantic relationship with a pre-pubescent(5 years difference) girl is going help me gain success with the other girls in the youth group.

If it's non-romantic, then it might as well be a friendship. And a friendship is worth so much more than a romantic relationship at this stage in your life. Whether or not you want to carry on trying to get a girlfriend or not, making friends at youth group would still be a good idea.

[Nicole!]

Originally Posted by Warachia

Well I'm not sure how a non-romantic relationship with a pre-pubescent(5 years difference) girl is going help me gain success with the other girls in the youth group.

You've already said how in earlier posts.
If you are friends with her, then she may introduce you to her friends. As Hester said, having friends is a really important thing, and its better than having a romantic relationship with someone.

[Warachia]

But that could takes weeks, even months.

I've already confirmed that none of the girls in the group are romantically interested in me.

[Choose]

Originally Posted by Warachia

But that could takes weeks, even months.

I've already confirmed that none of the girls in the group are romantically interested in me.

Interestingly enough, both friendships and romantic relationships take time to form. It's not like two people wake up one day and say to each other "let's be friends! ." It takes time to build rapport between two people, romantically or otherwise. Some relationships- both platonic and romantic- are formed a little easier than others, but it is never instantaneous.

[Acheron]

Originally Posted by Warachia

But that could takes weeks, even months.

That's the point, though. While it's possible, albeit unlikely, to get a girlfriend out of nowhere, in order to have genuine options you need a change of lifestyle. I don't mean ditching the writing or the horror movies, I mean becoming comfortable with socialising with girls. And like any lifestyle change, that takes time.

[Nicole!]

Originally Posted by Warachia

But that could takes weeks, even months.

I've already confirmed that none of the girls in the group are romantically interested in me.

Yes, because they don't know you. It will take time to form a friendship with them, but that's how relationships grow. You will have to put time and effort into this.
Sure, one of them could find you cute but they won't be romantically interested right off the bat.

[Megg-Killed-The-Prom-King]

TALK TO HER...!

[Warachia]

Well my dad said I could just become friends with girls..

And be like "my boy", Sheldon who has a "Girl who is a friend".

FINE.

I TRY socializing with girls for a month.
If it doesn't work out l, return to old self.

[Nicole!]

Originally Posted by Warachia

Well my dad said I could just become friends with girls..

And be like "my boy", Sheldon who has a "Girl who is a friend".

FINE.

I TRY socializing with girls for a month.
If it doesn't work out l, return to old self.

Well whats the point of not even trying? Nothing will come of it.

[Warachia]

-I put most of the weight of the conversation, so I don't show my cards much.
-If they ask about the novels(if I mention), just say it's a sci-fi-ish adventure..(Evading talk about the horror novels)
-Don't talk sports
-If asked "What song are you listening to?" Just say "guess" or "Why do you ask?"

[PSY]

Quoting Marguerite's response because, frankly, I think it's some of the best advice you have received so far... and the fact that you haven't even bothered to address what she said speaks volumes.

I don't think you really want to change - at least, not at this point in your life. You're far too resistant to any of the advice that has been offered by TeenHelp's members. The defeatist attitude is a cop-out, simple as that. If you don't make the effort, you won't gain anything. If you put up your defenses, you get to preserve your self-esteem, but you won't grow as an individual - which is what being a teenager, or a human being, is all about. I hope, for your sake, that you'll have a change of heart and re-read everyone's responses, taking the time to really mull over what's been said and how it might help you with this ongoing problem.

Originally Posted by Marguerite

Okay so I've kind of read through most of your threads and I'm going to give you a looooooong (I'm not kidding) and brutally honest reply. I suggest listening because you seem to be skipping over a lot of what people say to you.

You keep saying how you are undatable and no girl would ever be interested in you and frankly, though I'm sure there are girls out there who would want to be with you, you are pretty much unlikely to find ANYONE at this point with your attitude.

It's not why you think. You have a very narrow and conservative view of gender roles. You seem to think that males are off in one corner talking about cars and watching horror movies while girls are in the other painting their nails and gossiping about celebrities. This couldn't be further from the truth. Your own interests are fairly gender nuetral. A lot of girls love horror... it's my own favourite genre. I've known only a couple of guys into anime, while I've known probably 15 or so girls who are into it. One of my best friends (who is a girl) is such an avid gamer that I hate going to town with her because we end up spending an hour in the games store. Girls aren't going to look at your interests and think "Wow, what a weird guy! I better go think about shoes and menstruate!". Besides, since when does a partner have to share specific interests as you? It's nice to have common interests but you are acting like you have a check list for girls to meet before you'd consider dating them. You might meet someone who gets scared at horror, who is social and likes pop music and you might be amazing together. You might meet someone who loves everything you love and who you have zero chemistry with.

The next problem you have is with your approach to starting conversations with girls. If I saw someone sitting alone at a social event I would probably try and strike up a conversation with them, because I'd feel bad that they were alone, not because I thought they were cool and mysterious. If they gave me short, one word answers to my attempts to talk to them I would give up. I wouldn't be thinking "Wow, this guy is so interesting! What lies beneath the surface??". I would quickly assess whether the person was just extremely shy and socially awkward, or whether they were just being rude and didn't want to talk to me. Depending on the answer I would either give up, realising that the person was too shy to have a conversation with, or walk away, thinking; "what a giant douche!".

You keep writing down what your plan will be and that is where you've already gone wrong. Conversations in real life don't work like:

"HELLO, MY NAME IS X. I WOULD LIKE TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT US POTENTIALLY DEVELOPING A ROMANTIC CONNECTION. MY INTERESTS ARE 1, 2 AND 3. WOULD YOU CONSIDER US COMPATIBLE?"

You just have to be casual. Just break the ice with a small comment or question... comment them on an item of clothing, comment on a song that's playing, ask them if they like the food. Just like you would go about interacting with a new (male) classmate or neighbour. Then see if the conversation flows. It's not some James Bond style mission. You don't need a plan and a checklist. If there are things you want to avoid talking about then avoid them. I'm sure there are more things in the world you could bring up than dead bodies and gaming and your novel. Oh, the novel. Let's get to that.

The fact is that most of the world doesn't care about your novel. I'm not saying you're not going to be successful or that your audience should you ever gain one won't be big and in awe. But imagine this. I tell you that I'm writing, say, the next 'Confessions of a Shopoholic'. It's going to be about a girl who spruces up second hand shoes to make a living after she loses her trust fund and falls in love with a poor cobbler. On a scale of 1-10 how much do you not care? Sure, if we were having a polite conversation, you might ask a few small questions about it, and I might give you the basic outline of the plot, or a few small details. That's what you should do if you really want to talk about it. But it's unlikely if I'm talking to a stranger, who isn't even interested in the genre, that I'm going to tell you every single little detail about the setting and the characters and all the plot turns and twists. And frankly the girls you talk to aren't going to ask you for an in length description of the book just so they can steal all your ideas or tell all their friends. Or even just because they want to know because they probably don't.

Your biggest problem, however, is how much stock you place in your weirdness and eccentricity. The 'weirdest' thing about you isn't your novel or your interests or your emotions. In fact they are all pretty standard. The 'weirdest' thing is how 'weird' you think you are and how much emphasis you put on it. Of course if you think you're the weirdest person who ever walked the earth girls are going to avoid you, because who wants to deal with that wall you put up around yourself? Your interests and behaviour and ordinary, but it seems very important to you that you are different and an outcast. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being different but you are trying to hard to be weird when you're just not. You'd probably just be happier if you let go of this idea of yourself as some deep, mysterious, completely bizzare outcast and just embraced what you actually are: a normal teenage boy who is having some difficulty talking to girls, and frankly, thinks a little too highly of his non existant eccentricity

[Warachia]

Frankly, now I don't care.

Now I've gone to my old self, where I like fictional characters better than real girls.

[Justin Bieber]

I hope you find a way to be happy. Perhaps time/maturation will be your biggest help.

[Nicole!]

I am going to go ahead and close this thread because the OP has received plenty of advice relating to their questions. Feel free to make a new one if need be, or PM me to reopen it. Best of luck to you