i hate

[Dedalus]

I posted a thread here asking for advice on whether or not to send a message over facebook to a girl I have liked for years to ask if she wanted to meet up sometime. I sent it, and its been almost a week and I've had no reply despite her replying to stuff on her wall. I feel worse than I had imagined I would.

It has something to do with not getting a reply. I'd asked her out before and other various messages have gone back and forth, but she's never not replied. And I don't think that she couldn't have read the message, though it is possible.

But I have next to nothing to do with this girl. I don't think I've kissed her, we had a few conversations a very long time ago and thats it. There is nothing there...and yet all this time, I've had such strong feelings for her. Despite kissing, sleeping, and going out with other girls. Its never really had a negative impact on me - in fact meeting her encouraged me to actually start doing something with myself - now I'm looking to be a university lecturer or a doctor; and I don't think it would have happened if I hadn't met her.

But these feelings are so strong that after I first met her I started writing a book about all the feelings I felt. I mean a novel. And everytime I saw her I'd get these massive....I don't know guys. I don't know what I can do to see her...I feel wretched about the whole thing. I just want to go away somewhere for a while, but this fucking feelings for her never seem to go away. And what can I do? I can't see her. I don't live in the same city as her any more. And if she were only in a social group of mine, if I could only have seen her on a regular basis she'd have fallen for me like they sometimes do...she even did for a while I think, even when she tried to talk to me, and I wasn't in the right state of mind those times....

And I just feel distressed about it all now. There's nothing I can do...and even now I'm formulating a plan in my mind to send her another message asking if she saw the last one, or something like that, because it is possible she didn't...and she never didn't reply before....

I know when the semester starts I'll be distracted with work, uni and other stuff that this won't bother me very much - so please don't think I'm obsessed. I think this is the first time it has seriously bothered me since the last time 18 months ago. I'm just very upset now and just wish there was something I could do - even being told no is preferable.

[Ambiance]

It's totally understandable that getting no response feels worse than getting a straight-up no. See, you don't really want to come on to strong, as you probably have heard already. I understand how these feelings go... Anyway, the issue could be that some guy sent her a message over facebook. I don't know about all girls, but it's not something I generally trust. I would just give it a few more days, and write her a message if she doesn't respond that just says, "Hey, I'm sorry if that came across strange or anything. It's just that you seem really cool from the few conversations we've had, and I was thinking I'd really like to see a movie or something with you. If you're not interested, it's totally cool, I'll live :P" You could tweak it a bit to make it sound more personal. If it doesn't work out, just don't let yourself get too down... I don't believe in "the one". I believe that there are like... a few dozen or so of those people you can find.

[Chris.]

Well the fact of the matter is you already know what you should do - but you are looking for confirmation from us. I wouldn't recommend sending her another message - because frankly it will be alittle stalkerish and I hate it went girls do that to me so I can only imagine how she may feel. So I would leave it alone - and not act desperate by sending her another message asking her if she saw the other one because she will probably ignore it and then you will feel even worse (trust me, yes, it is possible to feel worse than how you do now).

Personally, although you may get mad - I think that you should let it be. If she contacts you - then great. But if she doesn't, then move on and keep going out with other girls. I know it may seem like these feelings may never go away - but they will eventually. It may take a few weeks, months, or maybe even a year but it will happen.



Best wishes,
Chris

[PSY]

The OP has indicated that this issue has been resolved, so I am closing this thread.