Not Sure What To Do

[Hobophobic215]

There is this girl that I like. We talk every couple days on the phone and have a class together in school. She is a reaallllly shy girl in school but doesn't seem that shy around me. Anyway, I wanted to go on a date with her a few weeks ago but it didn't happen for many reasons (she never gave me an answer and I had a family emergency). Around a week later, she told me that we should hang out, and we ended up going ice skating a couple days ago. I asked her if it was considered a date, and she wasn't really decisive on if it was hanging our or a date, but said it could be a date if I wanted it to be. While ice skating, we held each others hands and whatnot, I had a good time, and it seemed like she had a good time. I think she is open to another date, probably just a movie at my house or something.

My issue here is that she is genuinely nice to anyone she talks to, albeit a limited number of people. I can't tell whether she is actually into me or if she is just nice to everyone. She has told me that she has a hard time opening up to people, but I want to try to get to know her past the outer level.

One of the other reasons why it's hard for me to figure out how she feels is because we are both pretty much nerds. We are both one of the smartest people in our classes and have each never really had a relationship. We will probably move at a much slower rate than other teenagers our age and are much less experienced in dating.

I really like this girl, but I don't want to "hang out" more (as she phrases it) when I think its dating, and then not develop that kind of relationship. She seems like a girl that could be easily friend-zoned. How can I tell if she is into me or not? Is that the kind of thing I should ask directly, or would that make me look like I lack confidence?

[leavemealone]

With stuff like this, you have to be careful. The slightest thing you say can set her off, which is probably why you want to get past this "friend???" stage. The best way is to just try and get to know her as much as possible without pushing. Tell her about yourself, go for walks, grab some ice cream...just little outings that she would be comfortable with. Eventually she'll come to terms and she may or may not to, you never know, want to be your girlfriend. This absolutely, 100% does NOT show a lack of confidence in you. Odds are shes feeling and thinking the same way, she just doesn't want to say anything because she's never been put into this situation. But don't say that to her; it could upset her. Right now she's probably waiting for you to ask her out again but don't be pushy, be gentle. Once you two get past all of this confusion, you'll be holding hands at school and sneaking kisses before you know it! Goodluck!

[Aletheia*]

Asking her directly doesn't show a LACK of confidence. It shows that you HAVE confidence enough to ask her how she feels. However, instead of asking her HOW she's feels, tell her how YOU feel. Just let her know that you'd like to get to know her on more of an intimate level. She may find it hard opening up to people, but eventually she will. You can't force that from her. She'll open up to you when she's ready.

[Chris.]

Wow - this kind of sounds like a situation I'm in now!

A girl that is nice to everyone and isn't always upfront about her feelings. Its a hard situation but the only thing that you can really do is communicate. Don't base things off of actions or hints because that can lead you down the wrong path or maybe even to nowhere. You need to just communicate. I would maybe go on one more hangout session and just go to a movie or something. After that, I would just tell her that you have feelings for her. See, tell her that because if you just ask her if she may have feelings for you she may back off because she doesn't know how you feel. So tell her you have feelings for her - and see what she says. If she is quiet and doesn't say anything maybe ask her if she has feelings for you. Just communicate - or the possible relationship may pass by or have misunderstandings.



Best wishes,
Chris

[Hobophobic215]

Thanks for the advice. I think that I will wait for another date or two and then talk to her about how I feel.

[Chris.]

Let us know how it goes!