How do you break up with someone nicely?

[Maiden]

My girlfriend and I need to break up. We don't belong together. I've known this for ages but I can't bring myself to break up with her. A (big-ish) part of me still clings onto her, firstly because I do love her and secondly because I don't want to hurt her. Despite that, however, I know that we're not meant to be together, I know we don't fit together well. We fight quite a lot and I just get sick of her all the time. Our personalities conflict quite a bit and to be honest, I'm just at a stage in my life right now where I don't want to be tied down to anyone. We've been together for three years, so it's going to be difficult but how do I break up with her nicely? I know it's going to hurt both of us no matter what, but is there anything I can do to lessen the blow for her?

[Aletheia*]

I don't think there is anything you can do to lessen the blow, for either of you. Break up's suck, there is no doubt about it. No matter how nicely you try to let her down, it's still going to break her heart.

The best thing you can do is to tell her honestly how you're feeling. No lies, just truth. If you feel like you can't be together with her right now, or anyone for that matter, let her know that. Fighting a lot could bring a relationship down, and I'm sure she doesn't realize how much of an impact the fighting has had on your relationship. 3 years is a long time to be together, but don't let that stop you from finding true happiness.

Hope this helped.

[Nicole!]

I agree with Shannon, there is no way to do it nicely. Just be honest, and get to the point. Then you may need to give her some space so that she can get over you. Its not fun to hurt people, but you do need to let her know how you're feeling.

[Chris.]

I agree with both posters.

When you do tell her - Just be honest and don't beat around the bush. Just come out with it and tell her that you don't want to be with her due to ____(fill in the blank)_____ - and that you don't want to be with any girl right now. You just don't think the relationship is going to work anymore and you are not happy with the way things are going.

I'm not going to lie - its going to be hard for her and you - but she will move on eventually and understand that maybe you guys weren't meant to be together.



Best wishes,
Chris

[niente_]

Trust me, there is no nice way. I've tried to let someone down nicely and gradually, but it ended very very badly. Just be honest, blunt and straight to the point. The fact that it's out of the blue and unexpected IS the nicest way.

[Squiggly]

No matter how nicely you try to break up with someone it will still hurt just as bad. Just be honest with them about how you feel and definitely do it in person.