i "cheated" and have a guilty feeling even though i shouldnt? helphelphelp!

[helloovee]

ok so heres my situation-
Me and this guy Eric have had a thing for about 2months now, we are not officially in a relationship, he is not my boyfriend, but we pretty much act like boyfriend and girlfriend. The reason I don't want to be in a relationship is because I just got out of a rough 2 year one, and I love my ex so I dont think i can start a new relationship before I'm over my last one.

Eric told me that if I wanna be with other guys he wants to know about it so he can stop having feelings for me and we can move on. Yesterday, on new years, I got pretty drunk and was with this guy. We hooked up and even almost had sex. I feel so guilty, even though Eric isn't even my boyfriend. I was always open with my ex and even with Eric but I just cant bring myself to tell him I was with another guy. What do you think of this and what is your advice? I just know that if I tell him I would ruin the good thing we have, and things would either end alltogether or be completely different. I told myself its not a big deal but its been in the back of my head allllllllllllllll day....

[Nicole!]

The only way to stop feeling guilty is to tell him. That is the only way, and he deserves to know. Even if he isn't your boyfriend, you two are still very close. Turn this around, if he got with another girl would you want him to tell you? Yes, it may hurt him but honesty is the best thing to have in a friendship/relationship.

[Chris.]

I agree with Nicole 100%.

You wont escape the guilt unless you tell him.

Personally I'm not a big believer on people who aren't dating not being able to go out and do as they please. If you guys aren't dating, then you guys should be able to go out and do your own thing on the side but yet if you guys wanted to stay Friends with benefits that should be fine.

What would I do? I'd tell him. End the guilt - and just get it over with. Why drive yourself crazy? Just tell him and be honest about it and see what happens. If he doesn't want to do anything with you anymore, then so be it - I'm sure you can find a new FWB guy.
But that is just how I would do things.


Best wishes,
Chris

[helloovee]

the things is i like him and we will most likely end up in a relationship, thats the only reason i feel guilty. if it was strictly friends with benefits i wouldnt care much cause thats the point of the whole thing.

if we were already going out officially and this type of thing happened, id 100% tell him, but since hes not my boyfriend idk if im obligated to tell him this.

[Chris.]

Your not obligated to tell him. But the question is will your guilt take over you to much or will you be able to move on and not think to much about it?

Like I said, your not obligated to tell him - and if you feel that you can live with the guilt (or any other emotions that have came with it) then I would just move on and not mention it to him.

[Nicole!]

To add on to what Chris said, you aren't with him yet, so you technically didn't cheat. And as Chris said, you don't have to tell him because you aren't together, but it will clear up your guilt.

[Aletheia*]

I agree with both posters 100%. The only way to get rid of the guilt is to tell him what happened; I'm sure he'd give you that if he were to hook up with another girl. You're not obligated to tell him anything, as you're not dating, and it's not even considered cheating since you two aren't official. Yet, you're still very close with this guy, and it seems like a relationship could be on the horizon. If this is the case, being honest with him will help things, seeing as you don't want to be with any other girls. You made a mistake, that's all. We're all entitled to making mistakes.

[AmazonQueen]

Well quite honestly you can tell him now and end the guilt OR you can keep it to yourself in the event that you and Eric become an item it could be possible that the guilt would eat at you while in the relationship. Resulting in a whole lot of crap.
You're not obligated to tell him if you aren't exclusive but your best bet is to just be open and honest with him if it bothers you that much and explain that you had to much to drink and how you feel about not starting an exclusive relationship before you're over the previous one. I'm sure he'd understand some things just need time.

[ShimmeringFaerie]

Originally Posted by helloovee

the things is i like him and we will most likely end up in a relationship, thats the only reason i feel guilty. if it was strictly friends with benefits i wouldnt care much cause thats the point of the whole thing.

if we were already going out officially and this type of thing happened, id 100% tell him, but since hes not my boyfriend idk if im obligated to tell him this.

Well, it depends what you mean by obligated. You aren't in an exclusive relationship, so in that sense, you are not obligated to tell him. However, he did ask you to tell him if you were with other guys and I assume you said that you would, so in that sense, it would be unfair to break your promise that you would tell him these things.

If you want him to be your boyfriend, then don't start the relationship on a lie. Tell him what happened and make it clear that you don't want this to ruin your chances at having an exclusive relationship. If you don't tell him, then he will most likely find out later some other way and you will have definitely destroyed the relationship. Being honest with him, however, might give you a chance to work things out.