love or lonliness?

[penny340]

This year I moved away to college and am having some trouble communicating with my best friend back home, who I may or may not be in love with.

Heres the story..

I met my best friend about two years ago and we have been inceperable every since, and by inceperable i mean we spend every waking minute together and I can't even remember the last day we spent apart before I left. People automatically assume we are in a relationship when we are seen together and he is quick to correct them although people insist we are denying our feelings for eachother.I can't help but think he is embarrassed when people think I'm his girlfriend. After all he is fit and beautiful and has everything going for him while I am pretty average and isn't it true that a close relationship between a male and female is impossible unless one of them is ugly or fat?

We have had the discussion more than a couple time of whether or not we are in love. We've come to the conslusion we are not but could be some day.. whatever that means. I don't want to be in a relationship with him right now but i get jealous when he hooks up with other girls or even texts them. We do little things like cuddle and hold hands all the time and we have hooked up quite a few times, but everytime something happens he insist it doesnt happen again and no one know about it.

Since I've been at school he seems to be pulling away from me. Its not rare for him not to respond to my texts or answer my calls and sometimes we could go days or even over a week without speaking. I know it doesn't seem like a big deal, but when you go from being with someone every second of everyday to hardly speaking the loss is hard to handle. When he discussed it, although he was under the influence, he said it was just too hard for him to talk to me all the time because it hurts him too much. He even went on to say there is an empty spot inside of him when he isn't with me. I find all this hard to believe because I want nothing more than to talk with him and have him invlolved in my new life.

When we were seperated I cried myself to sleep every night for a couple weeks. Now im back in school and the feelings of lonliness and depresson are back. I can't even leave a picture of him and I on my desk because it hurts too bad to look at it. I feel so disconected here in this new place, and the last thing I want is to feel disconnected from the person I'm closest to. I miss him so much it hurts but he just doesnt seem to feel the same way considering he doesnt seem inetersted in speaking to me.

So I guess I'm looking for advice. Im confused about my feelings for him and as my day goes on and I cant get him out of my head I keep wondering if everyone was right. maybe I am in love with him. Or maybe I'm just feeling depressed and homesick because im adjusting to life in college and can't seem to find any good friends. Regardless I have never felt so hurt and abandoned.

Any advice or guidance would be greatly apprecated. I'm just so confused and I could really use any help getting through this.

[Chris.]

I cant tell you how you feel or don't feel - but theres one thing that seems apparent to me: both of you like each other alot. More than friends. Yes, I know it may not seem like it, but from how you wrote this post, and how you expressed yours and his feelings, it seems so.

I think you guys were so close of friends and so around eachother that it does in fact hurt him. And although he may have had liquor in him when he told you that stuff but he still knew what he was saying, and sometimes we end up opening up and expressing our feelings when we drink alittle. I think its hard for both of you - and it will be a huge adjustment. I think he was so hurt from you leaving - that the only way he can really cope is to stop talking to you, and to be with other girls. You have to understand - hes probably not doing this to make you mad, he is doing this to get over the feelings that he had for you.

To answer your question: isn't it true that a close relationship between a male and female is impossible unless one of them is ugly or fat? No - friendships exceed limits of likeness and often move on to love and the looks of one of them does not matter. You say that your decent and average - but that fact is he found something inside of you that is worth being with you for all that time - and now that you left it hurts him (and you). The best relationships start off as friendships - and that is the honest truth.

I cant tell you your future - and I cant tell you how the friendship will go. But as I said before - theres more than just a friendship here.

Best wishes,
Chris

[Aletheia*]

Only you know the truth behind whether you're in love with him or not. I think you could be, but then again, you might just be connected to him simply by a close friendship. A close friendship could result in a relationship. It did for me: My current and I spent a lot of time together in the first 2.5 years we knew each other. After those 2.5 years, we realized that our feelings for each other completely out ruled our friendship, and we took a chance. We've know been together nearing 3 years, our anniversary is on the 28th of this month.

The distance between the two of you is not only trying on your selves, but your friendship too. And, it seems that you going away for school is what is killing him the most. Not only did you spend every waking minute with him, he spent every waking minute with you. It's natural to feel an empty space in his heart, since that empty space is where you lie.

You need to talk to him; get him to open up. I'd believe him when he said what he did, though he was under the influence. People ALWAYS tell the truth when they're under the influence of alcohol. They have more courage this way, and are able to open up more. So, communicate how you're feeling for him. It sounds like you miss him beyond belief. Maybe your love for each other can build over time, but in order for this to happen, you'll need to communicate your feelings.

[penny340]

I try to get him to talk to me about it, but the last time I told him how I felt he told me he needed time away from me to think about things. That time apart was awful and I'm scared it could happen again. Once he had enough "time away" we continued our relationship like nothing happened. Not exactly what I wanted but I was too scared to lose him to fight about it.

Thanks for the advice. It definitely provided me with some food for thought.