Gf says I shouldn't go to bachelor party !!

[thinkingandage]

So my brother (no pic, sorry megridge) is getting married next September and of course he will have a bachelor party. I am not the best man so I won’t be in charge of planning the actives for the bachelor party, but there is a chance there will be strippers or end up at the strip club. My GF says I shouldn’t go because of the strippers possibly being there and she believes looking at naked women or having them dance on you is the same as cheating. I have told her that there is a good chance there won’t even be strippers at the party and if there is I
don’t plan on getting danced on or even being in the same room where the strippers are at the party. She still thinks I shouldn’t go even if I won’t be around the strippers. I will say that I agree that having strippers dance on you is the same as cheating, but once again I told her I wouldn’t
and would have nothing to do with those activities that night. She is telling me that I choose between her or my brothers bachelor party. What do you say HROT, what should I do?

[Aletheia*]

So, she's making you choose between family and her? NOT COOL. She needs to understand that getting lap dances ISN'T the same as cheating on her. If that's the case, both my boyfriend and I would be pretty screwed BUT, in all honesty, you told her the truth; you wouldn't have anything to do with THAT specific activity, but she's still making you choose between your brother and her. You need to explain to her that this is your BROTHER, and you want to be there while he celebrates the end of his single life. If she still continues to throw the ultimatum at you, I would reevaluate your relationship with her. What she's asking is a LOT, and family should always come first. Make sure she understands this. See if your brother's fiance wouldn't mind inviting her to the bachelorette party; that way, she can feel included too.

[Santeria]

Well if you both agree that you shouldn't be getting any lap dances or anything like that, she needs to trust that you won't do anything inappropriate. Being your brother's bachelor's party, I would say that you HAVE to go as it's in important step in your brother's life, and as said she's making you choose her over your brother, which you have to explain to her as its an issue. Make sure she knows that you're also fully against doing anything involving strippers and that she needs to trust you in that regard. As always, just fully and honestly communicate how you feel about this with her.

[Sincerely Yours ♥]

I don't believe that going to a strip club is cheating. Even better, you promised you'd stay away from the lap dances & stuff, so all you would be doing is looking. To me, that is kinda like porn, which again, is not cheating.

She sounds a bit controlling & insecure, which is not healthy in your relationship. I assume you've never given her a reason to think you'd ever cheat? You two need to talk about why she is uncomfortable with this & see if you two can come to an agreement. But if she is strictly making you choose, there's a major problem.

[dj_chicharito]

well first of all its your brother's bachelor party..id be pretty pissed off if my brother wasn't at mine..and secondly she should trust you enough not to do something inappropriate. u need to clear the air with her over that and make her understand that you care about her and wouldn't do anything to hurt her

[Acheron]

This is one of those moments that will set the tone of your relationship. By trying to make you choose between her and your brother, she's seeing how easily you'll succumb to even her most unreasonable demands. Make no mistake, this is a test. By skipping the bachelor party you might win some short-term approval, but at the same time it'll let her know that she can walk all over you. You can't surrender power like that and expect to have a successful relationship.

On the other hand, if you call her bluff and go to the party, you set an effective boundary and reduce the likelihood that she'll try this shit in the future. In the short term, it's a hard course to steer: there will be tears and guilt-tripping and accusations and bitching and every other flavour of female emotional manipulation that you can think of. Stand firm. You must be an immovable rock in the roaring ocean of her crazy, because trying to stand up to her and then giving in is even worse than giving in in the first place. And on the off-chance that she wasn't bluffing, then she isn't girlfriend material anyway. No girl worth keeping would make you choose like that. Wave her goodbye with a smile.

[Le bonheur*]

Originally Posted by Sincerely Yours

I don't believe that going to a strip club is cheating. Even better, you promised you'd stay away from the lap dances & stuff, so all you would be doing is looking. To me, that is kinda like porn, which again, is not cheating.

She sounds a bit controlling & insecure, which is not healthy in your relationship. I assume you've never given her a reason to think you'd ever cheat? You two need to talk about why she is uncomfortable with this & see if you two can come to an agreement. But if she is strictly making you choose, there's a major problem.

This. Also, you have every right to attend your brother's bachelor party. It's part of the wedding experience.

[Work_In_Progress]

Originally Posted by Acheron

This is one of those moments that will set the tone of your relationship. By trying to make you choose between her and your brother, she's seeing how easily you'll succumb to even her most unreasonable demands. Make no mistake, this is a test. By skipping the bachelor party you might win some short-term approval, but at the same time it'll let her know that she can walk all over you. You can't surrender power like that and expect to have a successful relationship.

On the other hand, if you call her bluff and go to the party, you set an effective boundary and reduce the likelihood that she'll try this shit in the future. In the short term, it's a hard course to steer: there will be tears and guilt-tripping and accusations and bitching and every other flavour of female emotional manipulation that you can think of. Stand firm. You must be an immovable rock in the roaring ocean of her crazy, because trying to stand up to her and then giving in is even worse than giving in in the first place. And on the off-chance that she wasn't bluffing, then she isn't girlfriend material anyway. No girl worth keeping would make you choose like that. Wave her goodbye with a smile.

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This, this, OMFG THIS!

My last girlfriend tried a similar tactic like this to me, I wanted to go to this event but she did not want me to. It was motherf**king crazy I tell you. It was a very unreasonable demand with no real or valid basis for the reason she did not want me to attend this event. I had wasted 5 hours of my time with this woman of trying to explain to her that it'd be okay and that she's not trusting of me.

I ended up not going because I was too pissed off and it was a fight that was needless and that she should've just kept her thoughts to herself and think it through before voicing it. She did think in her own mind that I could be a pushover, however that "power" was short lived as I had dumped her because I did not want to feel like her pet slave to her unreasonable and immature demands. I had given her my complete loyalty and I never went out with friends much, yet she was still insecure about the concept of me having fun without her.

2 and a half months later I still get long ass emails/texts/voice mails/her bugging me in public about me dumping her, but let me tell you it was WORTH IT!

Now I'm not saying to dump your girlfriend in order to be free of guilt to go to your brothers bachelor party. I'm suggesting to attend to it because your BROTHER will be getting MARRIED, it only happens once in a lifetime(or twice, or 3, etc.) and it is a very important moment for him to have his family attend whatever event is planned. Your girlfriend needs to get it in her head that she is in the wrong.

My ex-girlfriend made the mistake of trying out her "test" on me and I made the mistake of caving in to it. I can say that it was a defining moment for the relationship for me. You know in your own heart that the right choice would be to attend to your brother's bachelor party. You will feel a growing anger for your girlfriend if you do not attend, I can assure you. However way your girlfriend reacts to it, she'll have to deal with it. She may come to terms with it, or she may become increasingly hysterical which will be 100% her own fault for acting in such a way.

Another moment of talking to her about it may do the trick, but I still wish you good luck in doing the impossible task of convincing her.