haven't dated in a while and I want to see how this goes

[heather_tate19]

so I'm a junior in college and the last time I dated someone...really dated them, was when I was a freshmen in high school and that lasted about 10 months.


Background Info
For the past few years, I've been focused on my studies as well as my future in my two majors (chemistry and mathematics). But I have been on a few dates, only 3 or 4 people with 2 or 3 with dates with each and that was it.

I've been unsure about dating since high school, and since I have been in college, I'm aware of the few (I mean quite a few) guys interested in me, only I showed no interest back (mainly because I was the ones saving their butts in ochem, calculus and physics, or because I just wasn't interested).

Now...
I was giving a poster presentation about my chemistry research, and this one grad student that I've seen around for a bit came to my poster and asked a lot of questions.

after he was done visiting all the other posters, he came back to me and said he knew of a paper that he thought I would be really interested in and asked if I had something he could write it down on. I said yes (I believed him) and gave him something to write with. afterwards he said 'it's a paper that I really hope you're interested in.' it turned out to be his phone number.

what went though my mind:
1.) first of all, I was really confused and angry about it
2.) is this a big joke? I'm not finding it funny at all!
3.) he must either be REALLY innocent or he must know he is making himself really vulnerable and trusts me (I could have a LOT of fun with this phone number..but it would all be really mean of course)


The whole thing seems really cheap...why would a grad student do that? and who picks up an undergrad at their poster session?

However, I have seen him before (but never really talked to him until then), and I know he's in a group that's very dedicated to research/prestigious and they are all really friendly and kind (and the Principle Investigator was my ochem II professor- who was so caring and kind to all his undergrad students), I decided to be nice. I did send him a text message wishing him a good break and a merry christmas. (and to let him know I am interested and I don't intend on being childish with his phone number)

I would like to give him a chance but...


Problem:
I have a problem where I would meet a guy, get asked on a date, and then ignored by him the whole time.

I don't want this to happen again, because
a.) it sucks and
b.) it just proves that he was a waste of my time

Since he is a grad student, I would like to think that he is past the whole 'I'm only dating girls to get laid' thing, and since most people our age are getting married already I wonder if he's more interested in that. But I can't help but wonder if he's just a nerd who never got that kind of an opportunity and isn't even completely socially developed in that department (though it doesn't really seem like that's who he is, one never knows).

So my approach to this is to see if we can be friends first and see where it goes from there. I also plan on being honest about the fact that he's not going to get laid with me, he really didn't have to lie to me about giving me his phone # (he told me it was a paper!!! not a phone number!) and that my vegan diet is a pain the ass for those who are not vegan (like he is).

So what I'm wondering is...
where do I go from here? I'm interested in him, but I don't like how he lied to me (even though I can understand it being difficult to tell a girl you really don't know that you are interested in her).

I was thinking about sending him another text message to let him know that I'm back on campus in case he wants to hang out before school starts. Other than that, I wanted to see where things go, but I don't want to be ignored again.

fyi: he's a third-year grad student so he is only 4 years older than me.

Any Suggestions/Recommendations??

[Nicole!]

Honestly, I think you took this whole thing in the wrong way. He was trying to be cute and mysterious by giving you a paper with his number. I know I'd be thrilled if that happened to me, its a wonderful surprise! You shouldn't be angry about it, it was a really cute way to ask you out. I don't think he was necessarily shy, he just wanted to make it more interesting rather then just blankly asking you out.
I would just go for it and set up a date with him. Sure, other guys in the past may have ignored you, but that doesn't mean that this new guy will as well. You'll never know how well you two would work together until you try and go on a date to see how things go.

[blumemusik♫]

I agree with Nicole. Don't look too far into it - all he was doing was giving you his number! It obviously caught you by surprise, but I think that was quite cute. It doesn't mean he has an ulterior motive, he just wants to get to know you

I wouldn't see it as a lie either. It was just a cute way to give you your number. Maybe you can turn it back on him. Like "How about we go for a coffee tomorrow, and discuss that paper you told me about?"

I'm sorry you've had bad experiences in the past, but that doesn't mean that all guys are going to ignore you. If it seems like he is starting to ignore, make it so he can't! Ask him all sorts of questions, tell funny stories, just be yourself! I would have thought that, seen as he is 25ish, he'd be past the whole messing about with girls stage, and be looking for something more serious anyway.

Give him a chance You never know how things may work out!

Good luck!!<3

[bitesize]

I agree with the others ~ I don't see it as 'lying' that he gave you his number, I think it was a really cute way of giving you his number (: He probably wouldn't have done it if he knew you didn't like the idea of being deceived!!
I don't want to offend you at all, but it sounds like you've been thinking a lot into this ~ which I don't think is the best idea!! Try to relax and remember it's just a nice guy that would like to see you out of college and it's not a big deal ~ that would help with any nerves!!Don't go into it assuming that he might ignore you ~ you may have experienced assholes like this (my sympathy) but that doesn't mean every guy will do this.
Why don't you suggest meeting up for a drink, or just for coffee (or tea or hot chocolate ) That way you can keep it very casual and also get to know him and see if you'd be interested in knowing him better.
I really really think you should go for this ~ when my now-boyfriend first asked me to meet up I wasn't that interested and didn't reply to his text for a week, thinking mostly that I wouldn't.....then I thought I'd give it a shot ~ and here I am nearly two years later with an amazing man.

Best of luck!! (: x