Did I just help or inhibit my ability to forgive him?

[SerenitySmile]

2 years ago I had a messy breakup that led me into a mini-depression for about a year. I kept skipping class and had trouble eating etc. When the 1 year mark came around, I met a guy and started dating him. Turns out he is my ex's neighbor, so every time I went to his house, I'd pass by all the memories. I would actively avoid my ex, especially since I didn't want him to see me with my current boyfriend (they are friends and my bf is worried that if my ex finds out, he'll lose their friendship). Anyway, I decided that I was sick of living my life fearing him and what happened because even if we don't talk, we still have a relationship. It might not seem that way, but if we have negative feelings for each other then we're both holding onto something. So, I decided to send him (my ex) a text (because he's blocked me on Facebook etc). I told him that I wasn't interested in any kind of involvement in his life, but that I am leaving the past behind me and hope he can do the same so we don't have to feel like we hate each other.

He never replied, but I knew he received it because he started talking to my bf about how much "girls suck" and that he's "thinking about something that he doesn't want to think about" right after I sent it. Let me cut to the chase. Ever since I sent that message, I felt free, or so I thought...lately my ex has been in my dreams. We aren't romantic or sexual in my dreams, we are just friends. And my boyfriend is there, and we're all laughing.

So, did my gutsy move help me move on? Is it unhealthy that I'm dreaming about things being okay? I've had about 5 dreams with him in it in the past 2 weeks.

[Aletheia*]

I'd say your gutsy moved help release SOMETHING. Closure always helps after a break up, and I sense that you didn't have that closure in the first year or so. Sending him that message helped release whatever it is you were holding onto, and that helped you to see past things. That's a great step! For which I give you kudos since a lot of people wouldn't have had the guts.

Now, with this dream, don't read into it like you are. Dreams are just that; DREAMS! We spend all this time thinking about what our dreams mean when in truth, they don't mean anything. You have a history with your ex, and it's okay to dream about them. Maybe in the future, you and your ex could even be friends but it sounds like he's struggling with his own stuff right now. But, don't read into the dream. I haven't been with my ex for a little over 3 years now, and he still inhabits my dreams sometimes. That doesn't mean I care for my boyfriend any less or that I wish I was still with my ex. They mean nothing!

[xxpaigiexx]

Hi there,

The fact your boyfriend and your ex are neighbours is not ideal but at the end of the day these things can't be helped, and it's a small world. I think the best thing you can do is to now leave things. Whatever has been said has been said now and you can't 'unsend' that text or undo it. The best thing you can do now is draw a line underneath it all. The fact that you are still thinking about your ex may indicate you're not quite over him, which may not be fair to be with your current boyfriend.

I don't think the dreams are anything to worry about though, we all have strange dreams, or dreams about people we have been thinking or worrying about.

Best of luck,
Paige

[Ambiance]

I often dream about friends or really anyone who things have gone that way with in my life and I having better relations in my dreams. It's often because the tension is too much, or I feel guilty, and no it's not unhealthy. Hopefully, things will improve, but if your ex just can't move on... that's his deal, not your's. You did the right thing, since I'm assuming you had good reason to not want him in your life.

[Chris.]

Yes, I think that it did help you. Sometimes we have to vent and share what we feel or what we need to say - which is what you did.

Now about the dreams - I think its normal. Yes, hes your ex but we cant always cover up the past and like it or not he was a big part of your life at one point or another and it will always be in your memories and thoughts. So at this point we just have to accept the past, and say well he didn't make it to my future for a reason (like that famous quote says). So, it is okay to dream about him - he will always be apart of your past, and sometimes we get reminded of the past and we dream of those people. Just remind yourself that you have an awesome boyfriend you really like (love) when you wake up from one of those dreams.




Best wishes,
Chris