Am I Wrong?

[lorilou]

I've been with my boyfriend for about two months now, officially for one month. We are in a long distance relationship - about an hour and a half, resulting in us only seeing each other once or twice a week at the most. He's also military and will probably be deployed soon so that plays into our relationship as well.

This is not a problem to me, in fact, it makes our time together that much more special. I'm a really independent person and we both have our own lives, and I understand that he's busy, but there's been a couple of things that have been bothering me lately. I'm hesitant to bring them up because sometimes I'm a little over-sensitive and I'm trying not to be one of those girlfriends.

Normally, I don't get to talk to him until 4 PM, and he only texts me to say he hopes I had a good day. And then he's gone to the gym for two hours. Then he plays hockey or basketball. Then does whatever other errands he has to run. By the time I actually get to talk to him, it's usually 10:30-11:00, and I'm ready for bed. He doesn't call me, he only texts me, and we only text for an hour at most.

Honestly, if I wasn't able to talk to him during that one hour time period, we just wouldn't talk.

I'm getting a little frustrated because as I said, I am independent however, I like getting attention from my boyfriend and knowing that he likes me enough to want to talk to me. The fact that we are in a long distance relationship makes it even more important, since we don't see each other regularly. Today, I sent him a text that said:

"I'm so happy that you're mine "

And all he sent back was a smiley face. He never says anything sweet back, in text or in person. It makes me feel super awkward and even sad because I've been hurt a lot in the past and I've decided to finally put my heart on the line and be vulnerable (because of his encouraging that he isn't going to hurt me) and then he I get relatively nothing in response. I know it seems like something little, but all the little things start to add up after awhile and it's making me feel super bad. He says he's not an emotional person and he's not good at expressing himself, but honestly, how hard is it to say "I'm happy that I'm with you too babe." or something like that.

I guess basically what I'm saying is it wrong of me to want/expect these things. I wish he'd just text me good morning when he wakes up and to have a good day (he wakes up and leaves for work before I get up), like little simple gestures like that go a long way. And to be reassured that he cares about me, since we are LDR I need that so much. It's always like "I have to do this, this, this, this and this, and if I have time, I'll get to you" I basically feel like an inconvenience and I'm at the bottom of his priority list. I don't expect to be at the top, but it sucks knowing I'm the last thing he gets around to.

How can I bring this up without sounding needy and clingy?

[Amberpamber]

I totally understand where you're coming from. I too have gone through that. Something like this is best said over voice though. You really do need to talk to him about it and see whats up. I hope all goes well.

[Chris.]

The problem this relationship is lacking is communication. You have these feelings (and probably have had them for awhile) and yet you never told him. I think its best to just call him and tell him (or better yet tell him in person). Tell him how you feel - and that you don't want to get hurt like in the past but you do expect him to show alittle love back towards you. The bottom line is you need to tell him all that you are feeling. Not bits and pieces, or hints, or anything else. You need to tell him EVERYTHING - because frankly if you only tell him pieces, or give him hints, then you are just setting yourself up for more heartbreak and confusion. Be honest, and expose your heart (which you have seem to be protecting). I think that if you tell him all this - that he may respond in a positive way and understand how you feel.




Best wishes,
Chris

[how.we.operate.]

I know that feeling too...in my case my boyfriend rarely does anything romantic or special for me...

But I agree that you should talk to him or voice your opinion. How will he know if you don't tell him? If it is something you really want, communication is the best thing there is to solve your problem.

[PSY]

Is your boyfriend only like this with text messaging, or is he sweeter over the phone? Also, have you ever tried to call him vs. texting him? I ask this because, as simple as it sounds, if you want to talk more and text less, you may need to initiate the change! That's what I did with my boyfriend - and it turns out he actually prefers talking vs. texting, too! So now we're both on the same page, and it's awesome.

I know you both have busy schedules - been there, done that! - but there's no reason why you can't call for <5 minutes and say, "Hey babe, I love you, I hope you have a wonderful day, and I can't wait to talk to you again tonight!" There's also no reason why he can't answer the phone and put everything else on hold for <5 minutes. Keep in mind that many guys don't want to "chit-chat," though, so if you want to talk, get to the point. Otherwise, he may tune out and eventually dread your phone calls, even if they are relatively short. Keep him interested, and if you don't have anything interesting to say, wait until later in the day to call him. That's something I learned from another relationship.

I wish you both all the best. =) Take care!