Why does treating them mean, keep them keen?

[TakeMeHigher]

My bf is a really nice guy, but when it comes to texting me, at times he can be SO blunt, and sometimes ignore me. It makes me want to see/talk to him even more, which is ultimately what he wants .... But isn't this going to eventually push me away and make me all needy/clingy or resentful!?

I obviously need to discuss this with him, any tips?

and why the heck does this work?

[Aletheia*]

My boyfriend's a downright jerk, but that's part of the reason why I'm attracted to him. It keeps me on my toes, and keeps me WANTING him more. I'm not sure those are his intentions, but this is what I'm getting from it. I'm not sure why guys do it. Some of them are just wired to be that way. But, you should discuss this with him. Just ask him why he does it, or what makes him want to do it. If he's blunt, he'll answer.

[Acheron]

Ah, my area of expertise. To answer this question, we'll need to venture down into the stygian depths of the female psyche. When it comes to attraction, girls are herd animals. They're attracted to guys that other girls are attracted to, and partially because other girls are attracted to them. Point is, an attractive guy is a guy with options. The corollary is also true: a guy with options is an attractive guy.

Which brings us to the salient point. How does a guy with options behave? And the answer is obvious: because he has options, he doesn't need to invest too much in any one girl. He can find a replacement without too much difficulty. So he can afford to ignore her or tease her or send one-word answers to her texts. Whether or not he actually does have options, at the subconscious level that sort of behaviour will make the girl assume that he does. Meanwhile, her assumption that she's easily replaceable will make her try especially hard to keep him around. When you say you want to see him and talk to him more after he ignores your texts, that's why.

But here's the thing: he probably isn't doing this deliberately, or even consciously. I mean, maybe he'd spend a week or so texting you more often, but I doubt you'd see any kind of long-term change in his behaviour from talking to him about this. And really, it sounds like the only thing you're worried about is getting resentful in the future. If you're aware that that's a possibility, it's already unlikely to happen.

[Chris.]

But isn't this going to eventually push me away and make me all needy/clingy or resentful!?

To some extent - if he goes to a higher level with these tactics - he may push you away. However I think he will recognize when its time to stop the games and talk more to keep you at bay.

I obviously need to discuss this with him, any tips?

Yes, If you feel that you sick of this and you don't want to feel the feelings of wanting someone as much as you want him when he does this to you - then you do need to Communicate with him. If not, he will continue to do this and it may push you to a breaking limit mentally and emotionally.

and why the heck does this work?

It works because when someone you like, doesn't give you the attention you think you deserve, you get more attracted to them. Personally, I find the girls who are stuck up and 'to good to get' are way more attractive than those who will give in easily and freely - and this is the same thing (just flipped around). The main thing is here, he goal is to try to keep you thinking about him, missing him, wanting him - and it seems like he is doing this.

Note: some guys do this by accident - and others do this to attract that person even more.

[Double X]

Originally Posted by Acheron

Ah, my area of expertise. To answer this question, we'll need to venture down into the stygian depths of the female psyche. When it comes to attraction, girls are herd animals. They're attracted to guys that other girls are attracted to, and partially because other girls are attracted to them. Point is, an attractive guy is a guy with options. The corollary is also true: a guy with options is an attractive guy.

Which brings us to the salient point. How does a guy with options behave? And the answer is obvious: because he has options, he doesn't need to invest too much in any one girl. He can find a replacement without too much difficulty. So he can afford to ignore her or tease her or send one-word answers to her texts. Whether or not he actually does have options, at the subconscious level that sort of behaviour will make the girl assume that he does. Meanwhile, her assumption that she's easily replaceable will make her try especially hard to keep him around. When you say you want to see him and talk to him more after he ignores your texts, that's why.

But here's the thing: he probably isn't doing this deliberately, or even consciously. I mean, maybe he'd spend a week or so texting you more often, but I doubt you'd see any kind of long-term change in his behaviour from talking to him about this. And really, it sounds like the only thing you're worried about is getting resentful in the future. If you're aware that that's a possibility, it's already unlikely to happen.

I don't really have anything else to add to this. Best answer in the thread.